honez

I think you've slipped in a little something extra in that platinum section. Please say you have Yeah, there's no way they'd stretch to canapés. I did note that it was £150 per head, so you'll definitely only get one of those.

Rubbish. You've obviously not spent anywhere near enough time in Wales to know what you're talking about. I used to have a pet. It was lovely. It used to rub the lotion on its skin just like it was supposed to. It's dead now though. Do you want to come to Wales to have another holiday, David? I promise you'll like it, pet.

Nutter. I read that, miserable git. All that fame that Thomas the Tank Engine brought him as obviously gone to his head. He used to be my favourite Beatle, but he can get stuffed now. I don't understand what all the fuss is about. So he's not going to sign that one fan-letter he got. Big deal. It's not like he's going to get any others.

I know it's not Formula One, but given some of the crashes during qualifying and supporting races at this year's V8 Supercars Bathurst 1000, I've got a feeling that someone's gonna cop it tomorrow

Must be a very popular hotel that, because MPFC stayed there a while back too.

Or fired, depending whether you are from the east or west of the pond. I think to sack someone might have a slightly different interpretation in North America. Which makes me think that if British workers get sacked when they blow at the job, North Americans would too. Well, nearly.

How stuff works: Squid.

At least you have faith that I AM going to get nailed! I would give up all my lard and wine for a regular porking. Righto then. Would you like to upsize your regular porking for an extra quid?

My thoughts entirely, Welshman. There's not many I'd like to see publicly flogged, but he's certainly one.

Right, well having booked and paid a deposit on a room, my dirty weekend is now off (at least I was the dumper this time). Anyone want to come to Blackpool for the weekend? No, didn't think so - therefore my choices are a) don't go, and spend the weekend at home drinking wine and eating lard, whilst crying into my pillow. b ) go on my own and look like a sad loser. c) drag an unsuspecting member of the public into my car at knifepoint and make them pretend they are my lucky conquest for the weekend. Cast your votes.....now. Is it too late to put myself forwards? Can I be the unsuspecting member of the public? Will you promise to drag me into you car, drive me at an erratic high speed to Blackpool, throw me onto a bed and do unspeakable things to me? He who dares, he who dares! Well I suppose you'll have to do, nobody else has registered an interest I didn't reply, because I was planning to steal your lard and wine when you're getting nailed.

Seeing how things are a bit quiet while the people at CERN wait for a replacement part to arrive from ebay, you might like to celebrate by buying one of these tee-shirts...

I won't ask. [Grammar Police]I believe Pole is a proper noun.[/Grammar Police] Is that specific to Pole as in Telephone Pole or specific to Pole as in Polish, native of Poland. As I didnt specify what kind of "Pole" I was up, could you please clarify for me Honez? Surely you meant a native of Poland? I mean, climbing a telegraph pole in a forest is plainly absurd; whereas engaging in sexual congress with an Eastern European in heavily shrubbed woodlands, is something almost everyone will experience at some stage or other.

I won't ask. [Grammar Police]I believe Pole is a proper noun.[/Grammar Police]

I don't understand this bit. Can someone explain it please? See this report for a brief run down.

Well, it kind of depends on what the 125mph is a measure of. If it's ground speed then you're quite correct, but with a tail wind of 7mph, his air speed would be 125mph.

I've been thinking about the "British Bonus" option OoO has mentioned and come up with an idea. How about a country/population bonus instead? This could be based on an inverse scale where the nationality of a hit scores, say, between 1 & 5 points. The larger the population, say 200 million or more scores 1 pt, 100-200 million 2 pts, 100-75 million 3 pts, 20-75 million 4 pts and < 20 million 5 pts. This would take the focus away from US celebs back to British, and even better, Aussies & Kiwis. It might be a bit of a bugger to manage though, and there could be bitter debate about the nationality of some celebs. Perhaps country of birth might be better. Anyway, just a thought.

...because the current Presidency is doing such a fine job with foreign policy? Jeez, there really is no hope with those lunatics in charge.

/* NO CAPTION REQUIRED */

I took one of my younglings to see WALL-E yesterday. It quickly overtook Cars as his favourite animated movie. I thought it was pretty good too, although don't expect any existential angst or complex neo-political subtext. Hi, I'm a PC. I'm a Mac. LOL.

Good to see Portsmouth scores second place in two polls of Britain's Sleaziest Cities according to Google searches for brothels and massage parlours.