honez

Damn and blast, I'd forgotten about this comp.

An infallible Octopus predicts Germany will beat England. So it has to be true.

HTF did this hideous expression creep into Wimbledon? One does not require a bathroom to (let's pick a random British euphemism) 'spend a penny'; merely - as our US friends might say, and no disrespect intended towards Mr Isner - a john. Could we not use a more accurate term? Your suggestions welcome. Let's pinch another USism and go for crapshoot.

Five words, four mistakes and misspelled your own moniker (or you like standing on doors). A definite, dyed-in-the-wool England fan. Five mistakes, England won't win. Not sure about the misspelled moniker, He could be known as Strange Ron - the Door. Or a misspelled Strange Ron Theodore.

Five words, four mistakes and misspelled your own moniker (or you like standing on doors). A definite, dyed-in-the-wool England fan.

What? Do we find the tee-shirt offensive, the fact that the shops were visited by the plod, or the article? You really need to be a little more precise Mr Windsor. Just for the record, I think the shirts are great, the fact you can buy them in stores on the High Street is great, but the plod wasting their time on it is ridiculous.

They need to beat Slovenia. Not a given, considering the performances of both sides so far... Is that the only condition? Not something along the lines of they qualify if the beat Slovenia, but only provided the team x wins or loses to team y? If they beat Slovenia, they're through regardless. Whether they go through in first or second spot depends on the results and scores.

Mobile phones belong in Room 101, or rather their users. I appreciate that mobile phones have their uses in emergencies and that mad people who spend the day talking to themselves loudly in the streets have benefitted greatly by removing the social stigma. The problem with phones is that they turn even the nicest person into a sociopath. People find a ringing telephone much more important than real people. A few years ago I was in Amersfoort train station, buying a paper at the news stand between switching trains. A young man, whose task it was to sell it, was on the phone, judging by the sounds he made with his sweetheart. Putting the newpaper (a Volkskrant) on the counter had no effect, so I waved it in front of his eyes, which similarly failed to cause a reaction. Since he was using an old-fashioned telephone I could simply disconnect his converation by pushing the appropriate buttons on that infernal machine, give him money and extract change before he had time to realise what I had done. When he started yelling I was well out of the door. Unfortunately this doesn't work with mobile phones. When you're in a conversation and your partner's mobile phone starts emitting its horrible ring tone you cease to exist until the call is completed, which may well take the rest of the day. A few weeks ago that happened in a business meeting I attended. When I politely asked the perpertator to switch the bloody thing off for the rest of the meeting she reacted with indignation. The thing went off again within a minute, and she again answered, which prompted me to walk out of her office. I met her some ten minutes later at the coffee machine, where she apologised and switched her phone off. We finished our meeting in relative peace. I hate mobile phones. And yes, I have one. regards, Hein Fight fire with fire Hein. Simply wait for the imbecile to finish their call, then when they return to attend to you and the business at hand, simply raise your hand to an approximation of the "stop signal", raise your mobile phone to your ear and call your accountant, or agent, or dry cleaner or some such and shoot the breeze for a couple of minutes. I recall one particular dipshit full of pomp and self import, speaking loudly on his phone in a lift. He was (obviously) very successful and important as he was instructing his broker to buy shares in this and that, and sell at whatever. His conversation was brought to a crashing halt when his phone rang, mid-megatrade. I and two others in the lift just burst out laughing as he quickly fumbled with it to get it to stop. He couldn't get out of there quick enough. I've seen him around a couple of times and he always avoids eye contact. Ha. Twat.

I never realised that Benelux is an acronym/abbreviation. So on that basis the United Kingdom could be known as Enscwair (England - Scotland - Wales and Ireland) or N2 for short (Incidentally why is abbreviation so long? And also why is palindrome not one?) I prefer Engwasconir. Also, how come there's only one homophone? (unless, of course, you count Julian Clary's mobile).

South Africa 5 Uruguay 0 Honduras 6 Chile 6 Spain 0 Switzerland 8 Well they can't be any worse than how I'm traveling at the moment.

Bugger. I just worked out what this comp is all about. By the look of it, you pick your team to get some quick points, then maximise your transfers so you can get multiple (decent) players per round -- I see that some have swapped out (for example) Argentinian players who've amassed some points for German players who also got loads of points, thereby doubling the point accrual. And there was I thinking you picked you teams and stuck with it, allowing transfers of players who aren't in the comp come the second round. I'm showing my fantasy football naivety here.

I might have to eat my hat tomorrow, but I reckon it's got draw written all over it. And it'll really rile the krauts for added benefit. I think the Serbs and Ghana will beat the Socceroos though. Hat soup for me. Nice predicting HCW.

Pencil, the choice of the indecisive, or should I say pen? No, pencil, definitely. No, pen. No, pencil. That's pencil. Pencil it is. Sun or shade? Shade. Oz isn't the skin cancer capital of the world for nothing. Rubber or eraser?

I might have to eat my hat tomorrow, but I reckon it's got draw written all over it. And it'll really rile the krauts for added benefit. I think the Serbs and Ghana will beat the Socceroos though.

Reality. I'm not into religion, unless it's Pastafarianism. I Dream of Genie or Bewitched?

Now he can ride around on one of these

Ah, a sweet lyrical morsel indeed. And proof, if ever it was needed, that there is always a silver lining.

The DL, to which Eddie confesses to be "strangely drawn", gets a paragraph in a page-long meditation on the ups and downs of celebrity death. He's a bit concerned at 2010's current poor performance, but I'd say that, on the whole, he's a fan. I wonder if he's an active member or just a lurking guest. And no, I don't (and didn't) buy the Radio Times. Thanks, WH Smith. Well we could work it out through the process of elimination. He's not LFN or Rotten Ali, NAP, DWB or the slaves, as I've met them, or LG or Harry McNally or MPFC and surely not Star Crossed as Eddie Mair has a nice guy image (although SC could be a clever disguise), and he's not a lassie or from Yorkshire which rules out Josco. And he's not Dutch or American or from Oz. If I was a betting man and we were playing the Daily Mirror Chalky White guessing game on Blackpool beach, I would be tapping my rolled up newspaper on the shoulder of......let me see....Raskolnikov? He was on the ball and articulate from the start before disappearing as suddenly as he came in. The Pooka - all cool and mysterious, must be a possible. I reckon he was testing the water with that mention, wondering if there would be a backlash. My guess would be he's blindsided us with years of a Banshee or Brimley smokescreen. ;-)

Semicolon; so much more discerning. En dash or Em dash?

James Robertson Justice. Brian Blessed was just that little bit too manic and would have been a hair's breadth away from scaring the crap out of me in real life, I suspect. Justice, on the other hand, I think would have been the perfect conversation partner for an after dinner drink at a gentleman's club. Kangaroos, Koalas, Emus, Wombats, Platypoda or Echidnae?

Okay count me in. Having never been in any kind of fantasy football league, this is all new to me. I think I've picked my team correctly, but what happens next as far subs and stats and stuff, time will only tell.

Adriana Xenides, Wheel of Fortune's letter turning skirt dies on the table.

Five sentences; at least twenty five errors. Troll alert. Thank God for the ignore list.

I think Air New Zealand do a routing westbound downunder via LAX. Assuming you are looking at economy and that is per ticket then it seems very steep to me! These are some suggestions I don't know if they are of help. If you are looking to go over Xmas try going a week or so earlier or... Fly on Xmas day/new years eve as these are less popular, and after all are only arbitrary dates! The cheap fares may not have been released yet. Perhaps book seperate return flights UK to LA then LA to NZ. If you do go for a round the world ticket do a stopover in SE Asia to make the most of your stay! It all sounds exciting! As you know I love travel... Hope you find a reasonable fare. I could always throw an extra prawn or two on the BBQ on Xmas day, HCW. Feel free to drop in on your stopover.