The Pooka

Yes, it's accurate - I remember well him saying it. For what it's worth, I kinda like the old boy, without really having a good reason why - I hope he pulls through. Yes, I rather enjoy the tone of his restaurant column in the Sunday Times. He sounds a greedy bugger but I suppose that if I had been paying $38,000 a night for a suite at Sandy Lane I'd want grub sent over to the hospital in Bridgetown(Youth in Asia post above). For some time I have been remarking on his sudden weight loss, especially as he seems to be eating as much and as often as ever. Though I will miss his column, he is one of my 'naps' in Handrejka's little competition so I would welcome any information indicating that the London Clinic has allowed MRSA to get out of control. As Michael himself might say; that would be 'historic'.

I got 19 Didn't know who the Chineese bloke was I got them all. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed. No-one posting on this site should have any idea what shame is.

Delighted to hear of de Carlo's death. She had a good innings bless her but points is points.

Don't jump to conclusions. He may be straight.

The worst of this is that those miserable Shiites who have replaced the Sunnis are clearly responsible for this delay and no doubt for their own gain in their various deathlists, they wanted to be assured of having some hits for '07. I fancy that Shi'ites will have quite a 'hands-on' approach to ensuring the success of their deathlists. There will be no shortage of hits. And good luck to them, say I. Bless them.

Average age for 2007 = 88.5 which is a year older than 2006's average. Unsurprising given that 25 of the 37 survivors from 2006 have made it to the 2007 DL a year older and, hopefully, a little more frail.

The question raises the inevitable debate as to whether being born in 1900 counts as being born in the 19th century - it should.

I believe that Derek Batey will consider requests. (note to self - ask about relatives and gravy).

I think I can help here too. On their return to dear old blighty, the excellent chaps in the English team should pay their local street market a visit. If they chance upon a bakery stall, then they should take every effort to steal a loaf bread and ensure they are captured by the local constabulary. Upon sentencing, they should plead for mercy from the Judge who instead of taking the birch to them or hanging them by their necks until dead, out of the sweet goodness of his soul, may decide to transport them to the Antipodes. Once safely arrived in the colonies, these excellent chaps should take up with a local wench or two for the purpose of whelping. After a sufficient number of generations, training and a large amount of BBQed steak, the progeny of said chaps, approximately two hundred years hence may very well be in with a chance of knocking some sticks over. The only problem with this ingenious plan is that the sticks they'd be knocking over would be English sticks. Again. Damn this improvement culture. There is a quicker way ............ bring the opposition DOWN to the English level. The way ahead: 1. End the Australian climatic advantage. Aussies can play for 8 months a year and so have more time to hone(z) their skills. Fortunately, this strategy is well advanced. Our ancestors, foreseeing the prospect of cricketing humiliation, launched the Industrial Revolution initiating global warming, so bringing us to the stage where Australian youths are unwilling to go outside without three kilograms of zinc and castor oil on their faces. This coating will, in time, affect vision and grip. In addition, the Australian landscape is beginning to resemble the more inhospitable parts of the Gobi desert. Accompanied by the more or less permanent forest fires it will not be long before all Aussies are confined to asbestos bunkers from which they occasionally venture, blinking and spluttering to see what is left of their earthly paradise. 2. Sell off the playing fields. What green patches are left as a result of 1). are likely to be well watered school sports fields. The coming Australian apocalyptic zeitgeist guarantees a hard-driven leader who will, in the style of Thatcher, turn round the economy by selling off sports grounds belonging to schools and councils so that they can be developed into sites for light industry (eg Zinc and Castor oil factories) and social housing (eg everywhere in the UK North of Salisbury). 3. Reap the Whirlwind. What little greenery remains will be overrun by plagues of rabbits, locusts and frogs. Even an English bowler should be able to conjure up Warne-like movement from a pitch covered in toads. 4. Sabotage the youth. Initiate a ruthless marketing campaign focusing on burgers, biscuits, cakes, pies and confectioneries. As in England, these will be derived from by-products of the petroleum industry. Within 10 years Australian children will be as feckless, inattentive, bloated and inert as their English counterparts. For them Warne's only legacy will involve an unhealthy interest in call-girls and woven hairpieces. I have other thoughts but am aware that I haven't mentioned death once and this irritates my betters. However, the policy described so far should produce results within 10-15 years. By which time England's finest will ride over the Baggy Greens like a juggernaut. Remember that you saw it here first!

At a recent seance I was reliably informed by one who has gone before that the afterlife is quite pleasant. Apparently, it is eternally sunny with a constant catered buffet on hand - the usual stuff; sausages, pies, cooked meats, vegetarian options etc. Nothing too fancy. There is a government of sorts, presided over by Derek Batey who many will remember from his stewardship of the 70s game show Mr and Mrs. There is clean water and a rudimentary power supply sufficient to enable constant musical accompaniment from an old Eagles 8 track. I am making contact again tonight so should be able to provide more details in time. Pook will you ask them if there is Yorkshire Pudding with gravy. Could you ask a little bit about the consistency of the gravy, no lumps, Bisto or Oxo cubes I hope. This is very important. You may, Godot, be the first to raise the issue of gravy in the context of the Hereafter. It is strange that learned clerics have overlooked the issue over the years. There is, of course, the theory that it was gravy rather than gravity, that exercised the genius of Sir Isaac Newton. I will re-read his work in this light. I shall pursue the issue of the celestial carvery with my correspondent tonight.

As am I. I'm against the DP on ethical and practical grounds, but I can't say I'm sorry SH is executed. I would have preferred the "Ceauşescu approach" (being shot immediately after capture and a short tribunal) rather than the trial we witnessed, but what to do with a captured genocidal dictator? With regards to watching the execution footage: I admit I've watched the linked-to movie with interest. I like the comparison with watching pr0n, shaky as it is. I think neither should be normal TV fare, but I don't mind that it's available. I don't think executing people is civilised, whether it's done live on television or behind closed doors. regards, Hein Agree MH - didn't enjoy the footage having searched for it! Frankly, I thought that Saddam exited with dignity and courage. Something, of course, that he wouldn't have allowed his victims. What Iraq most needs more than ever now is a strong leader, with the wisdom to recognise that freedom of expression can only lead to chaos and anarchy, able to unite its disparate elements through the ruthless suppression of dissidence and by focusing attention on perceived external enemies such as the USA, Iran and Kuwait. If only such a man existed ..........

At a recent seance I was reliably informed by one who has gone before that the afterlife is quite pleasant. Apparently, it is eternally sunny with a constant catered buffet on hand - the usual stuff; sausages, pies, cooked meats, vegetarian options etc. Nothing too fancy. There is a government of sorts, presided over by Derek Batey who many will remember from his stewardship of the 70s game show Mr and Mrs. There is clean water and a rudimentary power supply sufficient to enable constant musical accompaniment from an old Eagles 8 track. I am making contact again tonight so should be able to provide more details in time.

I think I can help here too. On their return to dear old blighty, the excellent chaps in the English team should pay their local street market a visit. If they chance upon a bakery stall, then they should take every effort to steal a loaf bread and ensure they are captured by the local constabulary. Upon sentencing, they should plead for mercy from the Judge who instead of taking the birch to them or hanging them by their necks until dead, out of the sweet goodness of his soul, may decide to transport them to the Antipodes. Once safely arrived in the colonies, these excellent chaps should take up with a local wench or two for the purpose of whelping. After a sufficient number of generations, training and a large amount of BBQed steak, the progeny of said chaps, approximately two hundred years hence may very well be in with a chance of knocking some sticks over. The only problem with this ingenious plan is that the sticks they'd be knocking over would be English sticks. Again. Have answered in the Aussie cricket arrogance thread

Would somebody mind explaining this to me in words of one syllable or less? Ok. It's been a long time since the (some say false) son of God was nailed up on a cross to die. Some say he did this for us so that we are sin free in God's eyes. That way, as we are sin free, we get to go to a good place when we die, like good boys and girls. Yay! Christ. It's hard to dumb things down to one syllable. I hope that helps N/Pot Excellent Honez. There's a future for you as a Sun leader writer.

The technical term is necromancer. regards, Hein Well, call me Comus! (since I am an alleged drunkard in these parts and this makes my daddy Bacchus, ... so you are a piss-archivist?

Brady's Scottish as well isn't he...... I believe that Scotland has the second highest murder rates in Europe while England and Wales have the second lowest. However, if the murders carried out in England and Wales by Scotsmen are removed from the stats, England and Wales then have the lowest. This story is slightly ruined by a large reduction in murders in Scotland in 2005. Perhaps they all came south.

Health Inspector drops into a cafe incognito. He orders a sausage roll and is impressed to see the proprietor use tongs to place the item on the plate. The proprietor then takes the money and, before serving the next customer washes his hands. In his seat at the window the inspector observes the owner for some time. He washes his hands at every opportunity, is rigorous in his refusal to touch food and is meticulous in clearing and cleaning tables. After an hour the inspector approaches the proprietor and introduces himself. 'I'm here to ensure that you comply with hygiene regulations and am delighted to say that you maintain very high standards. You wash your hands when you should, you keep a clean house and you only handle foods with the tongs. Well done 10 out of 10...... ..... but tell me one thing. Why have you got a piece of string attached to your flies? Easy says the proprietor. When I go to the toilet it means that I can undo my zip by pulling on the string. My penis falls out and I can urinate without having to touch it 'Excellent' says the Inspector, ' but how do you get your penis back into your trousers?' 'That's easy, Sir................... ........... I use the tongs'

..... well if we are to be literal, I suppose David Niven, Stephen Hawking and Dudley Moore had very definite nervous breakdowns.

You mean the promise of an afterlife's just a ruse to keep us downtrodden in the anticipation of something better? Dammit I'm off to rape some mammals.

Oh my. Let it be noted that I disagree with a certain amount of the above, and I'll leave it there. Do on to others and all that. BS, I like your postings and I won't disrespect your views. After all, you may be right and, if there is a heaven, I really want to go there. But you make the Bible sound like something copyrighted by Hallmark cards.

f**k me. Eccles in the Bible! You should have heard what Bluebottle had to say. I think this whole discussion goes back to an earlier discussion about the original meaning of the expression 'begging the question'. Using the bible as a source of truth begs the question. The Bible is right because its the word of God. How do you know God is right? Cos the Bible says so. Now go and get f**ked.

Rebecca, The Australians are quite good losers. It is when they win that they are not a pleasant prospect. Yours in quiet dignity, P

Seconded.

I used to have a Wallnut Whip every Friday. Sometimes I would eat the nut off the top first then bite my way down to the cream. More difficult but ultimately more satsifying, is to drill your tongue against the base intermittently licking around it with small circular motions until it softens, allowing access to the soft, creamy cavity. That's the way to eat a Wallnut Whip. Clearly a semi-erotic experience Godot. Now go and brush your teeth.

Your kindness has been overwhelming at this sad time. As a token of Lady C's regard for you, allow me to send you the full-length portrait painted at the height of her beauty.... ... by one of the pre-Raphaelite brotherhood no doubt.