Perfect Passing

Who gave her the pearl necklace? It wasn't me!!

Considering how The Death List brings us all together, it amazes me how switched on you all are, unlike our 'hopeful' collective subject matter. Jokes from the other side of the pond never travel well!

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front garden, my neighbours stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their 12 year old daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister someday. Both of her parents (who are Socialist Labour) were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.” Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow! What a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that!" I told her. "What do you mean?" she replied. So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you £50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless man hangs out, and you can give him the £50 to use towards food and a new house." She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless man come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the £50?” I said, "Welcome to the Conservative Party.” Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

In Yorkshire Post following the death of his wife... the husband contacted the newspaper to place an obituary notice. The couple had been happily married for 50 years. When informed of the cost, the man uttered, in true Yorkshire fashion, "How Much?" He reluctantly produced his wallet. "I want summat" simple he explained, "My Gladys was a good-hearted and hard-working Yorkshire lass but she wunt 'ave wanted owt swanky'. "Perhaps a small poem," suggested the woman at the desk. "Nay," he said, "she wunt 'ave wanted anything la-di-da. Just put Gladys Braithwaite's died". "You need to say when," he was told by the receptionist. "Do I? Well, put died 17th March 2015. That'll do." "It is usual for the bereaved to add some meaningful phrase about the dearly departed." The man considered for a moment. "Well, put in, Sadly missed. That'll do," he said. "You can have another four words," the woman explained.​ ​"No, no!" he cried, "She wouldn't 'ave wanted me to splash out." "The words are included in the price," the woman informed him. "Are they? You mean I've paid for 'em" "Yes, indeed." "Well, if I've paid for 'em" exclaimed the man, "I'm 'avin 'em." The obituary was duly printed: GLADYS BRAITHWAITE. DIED 17TH MARCH 2015. SADLY MISSED. ALSO TRACTOR FOR SALE.

Vera Lynn for a change.

"Norwegian mass killer Anders Behring Breivik has told a courtroom that the state has tried to kill him with five years of solitary confinement" http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-35820362 If the Norwegian State could give us the heads up as to which year they plan to complete the job....every cloud & all that....

Mr Douglas Snr, as Mrs Reagan has now stopped testing my patience!!

So..can I take full credit for my patients giving DL our 4th hit of the year?

Going home for his final days according to the Beeb. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35739447

Are you a member of the medical profession?Perhaps more interesting, what exactly is Mrs Reagan testing those people for?Racial purity. I shudder with the thought. Would those tests involve precious bodily fluids? Ha ha, no I'm not a medical person, I simply cannot spell.

Gone for Mr Douglas Senior, as I have not chosen him before and Mrs Reagan is testing my patients!

I've gone for the oldest on the list, Hermon Wouk.

Going for Nancy Reagan and all those 80's film clips when her orbits are broadcast.

Gone for four in a row - your time is up Fidel Castro! Hey, that even rhymes.

Going for the big finish to the year and voted for Prince Phil.

Gone for Chuck Berry, no reason, just a random stab in the dark.

Yeah I agree, The law of averages suggest we are due one from the fairer sex. I've voted for Dame Vera.

For two years a married man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child. He said, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18,... and also pay for college. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back in the message area. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' He said 'Just give it to me and I'll explain it later.' She gave it to him and then watched as her husband turned white, then fainted after he read the card. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Please send extra sauce!!

By announcing the facts, I think his family are preparing us all for a sooner rather than later scenario. October 31st 2015.

Erm...no, come to think of it I haven't seem them both in the same room. But it does make we wonder that if we lived in Toon Town, this would greater the chance!

A substantial amount of consideration seems to have been in-putted into this vote from my follower Deathlisters. I however can't be arsed...thus, I am sticking with Nancy Reagan.

I've gone for Nancy Reagan, no reason other than it would be nice to see all the eighties news footage...again.

I'm sticking with The Raging Bull Jake Lamotta.

Jake? Boxer or Wrestler/Actor? Or is this a sneaky way of backing two contenders?

Jake Lamotta to hear the final bell.