Dr. Zorders

Kim wins 100% of the vote in North Korean "election". With 100% turn-out. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2577190/Theres-Un-winner-North-Korean-dictator-Kim-Jong-Un-wins-election-100-turnout-helpfully-one-ballot-paper.html

Sadly not.anyway his James Bond videos got ruined when his assistant spilled orange juice over them so he never got to see them LYNN YOU................ .......shouldn't worry about it! (I don't usually like to quote Alan Partridge because it's so fucking overdone but I couldn't resist there....)

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/10/ukraine-crisis-us-crimea-referendum-putin-ambassador Obama will refuse to "recognise" any Crimean referendum to become part of Russia. Oh great.....

Apparently, Rob Kardashian (whoever the fuck that is, I presume he's a brother or whatever of that woman who was in that sex tape) has been told by his doctors that his life is in danger because of his weight. http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/rob-kardashian-told-could-face-3225945 Here's a couple of pics of him. Looks like the biggest bunch of bullshit ever because we've all seen much fatter people (many of them much older than him) every time you get on a bus/go down the shops, but hey, whatever.....

I was gonna pick that William Clay Ford Sr. guy........ then decided not to.......

I'm so fucking sick of the slow internet. Is anyone else getting this crap? Every single day for the last fortnight now, just every day it goes through an inevitable and sometimes very long period where it takes a fucking age to load every page. I've tried switching the router off and on and some other tricks that usually "refresh" the connection or whatever, and it doesn't work this time....... Can people please stop downloading so much porn/and or pirated PS4 games? Yes okay I know you're very excited that you managed to crack Sony's anti-theft piracy code or whatever....... but just give it a break for a while, eh? It feels like I'm back on dial-up.

Because he's much older and his family won't stop talking about his imminent death?

Just did a bit more reading on it and I found these two examples of racing drivers who stayed in comas for years after sustaining horrible injuries http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Jacobi crashed in 1983, died in 1987 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Williams_(NASCAR) crashed in 1979, died in 1989(!) So who knows maybe his family won't be able to let go and will keep hanging on for that "miracle".....

Yeah, that's one of the gazillions of things that have been speculated about that day and it's probably right that Benneton's illegal traction control (which is pretty much accepted as existing) was driving Senna nuts. Although it's just important to remember that Senna was really unlucky in the way that the car debris came up and bonked him on/in the head just after the impact with the wall, and he'd probably have gotten away with it otherwise so maybe it's overanalysing it a little to blame it on his trying too hard. And anyway, whether that's true or not it's still really spooky that he's gonna croak just in time for the 20th anniversary of Senna's own death. Especially as he would have been the primary go-to interviewee about that day, seeing as he was right behind Senna when he went off the track.... weird as hell, and amazingly typical of Schumi, even by accident, to "overshadow" Senna just like he did when he broke all Senna's records simply by A: outliving him and then B: going on to having a dominant car for far longer than Senna ever had and hiring a pliant team-mate which Senna didn't have.

Time for German mayors to start ordering those bronze statues of him running into Damon Hill's side, I think.

It's been denied that he's breathing on his own. http://www.euronews.com/2014/03/07/claims-michael-schumacher-is-breathing-independently-played-down-by-his-/

What's wrong with that? It says exactly what the product is for. I've said before that adverts should just tell the fucking truth and not waffle on about bollocks. Canasten Duo, for your itchy minge. Always Ultra, for when you're up on blocks. Chips - eat them. Etc, etc. Or........ Senokot - for when you're sitting there pushing out harder than a woman who's giving birth to octuplets and your face looks like a giant tomato in a pressure cooker.

Woohoo, I put a £10 bet on that at 100000000000000000000000 to 1!

As Michael Palin once said to Kevin Kline.... "NO YOU FUCKIN' CAN'T!"

Haha... Or maybe you just shouldn't cross them off so hastily and presumptively in the future.

My farts smell disgusting lately. Really, it's getting too much. Anyone got any idea why? I don't even eat eggs or baked beans.

HAHAHAH.

Oh dear. Oil slicks spotted where the Malaysian 777 disappeared from radar. Although, it's not confirmed that it's related yet.... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-26496673

Ouch, only 30. What is it with young British tennis players getting cancer, did the government use Wimbledon's Court 18 as a nuclear testing ground during WW2 and never bothered telling anybody? While we're discussing tennis players has anyone noticed how incredibly shit Rod Laver looks whenever he's seen in the crowd during an event these days? Maybe one for next year's list....

I just found this unbelievably hilarious couple of sentences while I was randomly browsing Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Macnee

Okay, now "sources" are saying his family have been told his chances of recovery are minimal. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/motorsport/formulaone/michael-schumacher/10683013/Michael-Schumacher-only-a-miracle-can-save-him.html Is this the beginning of the end?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/michael-schumacher-sabine-kehm-confirms-schumacher-is-still-in-the-wake-up-phase-and-dismisses-any-other-medical-reports-as-false-9175921.html More Schumacher non-news.

Sort of like the Windsor equivalent of Rosemary Kennedy then?

That fucking stupid mouthwash advert. "Corsodyl. For people who spit blood when they brush their teeth." Wow that's a catchy fucking slogan isn't it you dimwitted cunts? Thanks for making me think about people's bloody gums while I'm trying to eat/drink/whatever.

I thought we had a thread for animals somewhere, couldn't you find it?