BobTheChicken

There were these two deaf blokes sat in a pub one day. One turns to the other and says "Nnduu wann a drinnk?" The other one says "Nyes pleeeth. A pinn off biiiee pleeth". So the first one goes up to the bar and orders 2 pints of beer. Whilst waiting he says to the barman "I thawt yew were suppothed ntoo haath thum muthic mplayinnn?" The barman replies "Well, we have sir!" The deaf bloke says "Well I cannnt nyeer id. What ith it? Ith it wock n woll?" The barman says "No, it's not rock 'n roll". "Ith it evvy myetal?" "No, it's not heavy metal", says the barman. "Oh, wight. It muth be djaz then?" says the deaf bloke. "No, no, it's not jazz sir". "Ith it punk wok?" "No, it's not punk rock". "Eathy lithnin?" "No, sir, it's not easy listening". "Well, what ith it then", says the, rather confused, deaf bloke. "It's just some Country and Western sir". "Oh, wight", says the deaf bloke, a little surprised, who collects the two pints of beer and takes him to his mate. When he gets to the table his mate turns to him and says "Ear, I thought they were suppothed to be mplayinn thum muthic". The first one replies, "Well, they are!" The second deaf bloke says "Well I cannnt nyeer id. What ith it? Ith it wock n woll?" The first one says "No, ith not wock n woll". "Ith it evvy myetal?" "No, ith not evvy myetal", says the first. "Oh, wight. It muth be djaz then?" says the second deaf bloke. "No, no, ith not djaz". "Ith it punk wok?" "No, ih not punk wok". "Eethy lithinin?" "No, no, ith not eethy lithinin". "Well, ith it then", says the second deaf bloke. "Apparantly, ith thum ncunt from prethton".

Officially voted the world's funniest joke (see link http://www.laughlab.co.uk/summary.html): A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Let's hope not. [Topics merged -- MH]

I reckon Thatcher, being used to clinging on after her best years have long gone, will, unfortunately, be still here. I hope not and am ever the optimist..........come on Thatch, red card, your time's up....

Loads of games here to keep you occupied. My favourite is Pingu Swing...... http://www.commendare.com/

Toss the penguin........ http://www.funny-games.biz/pingu3.html

I started Lord of the Rings about a month ago and am beginning to wonder if I'll make it to the end......

I'm not surprised it's the worst joke you've ever heard because whoever told you it got it wrong. It should be "what do you call a man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool"..... More crap........ Q. What do you call a man with a slice of ham on his head? A. Hammed. Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head? A. Mohammed. Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head and a vibrator up his arse? A. Sheik Mohammed. Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head and a vibrator up his arse shagging a sheep? A. Sheik Mohammed Haslam.

Can I suggest that you add the following to the list: [*]The post contains one or more instances of misuse of "could have / would have / should have" by replacement with "could of / would of / should of"?

In the interests of political correctness I should point out to you that the "para" in paralympics is short for parallel not paraplegic.