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Dr Hackenslash

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Posts posted by Dr Hackenslash

  1. Posted

    That's a shame because, in general, animals don't live as long.

     

    If I were to chose a top five animal death list it would be:

     

    1 - Genghis, Eastenders.

    2 - Bouncer 5 - Neigbours

    3 - Magic - Timmy Mallet's cockatiel (if it's still alive)

    4 - Meg - Blue Peter dog

    5 - Cassie - Susan Kennedy/Smith's sheep on Neighbours, if still alive.

  2. Posted

    Michael Knighton's web site is a surreal mash up of self-aggrandising shite (in my opinion) and basic spelling and grammatical errors that suggest a monster ego and miniscule skills (again, in my opinion).

     

    Jimmy Glass; classic moment but - whisper it quietly - not exactly a great goalie.

     

    Gretna; plucky, successful but they'd be rubbing shoulders with Torquay and Macclesfield if they played in England. Which - incidentally - they did as a non-league side.

     

    RICHARD O'SULLIVAN - STILL SHITE - I'M ON TOPIC.

    As Richard O'Sullivan would say...

     

    "Yes, Dr Hackenslash knows Gretna used to play in the Unibond league until four years ago.

    "He knows quite a lot about the club, given that he can practically see the ground from his house (ish, don't actually live there at mo).

    "He also knows Gretna will start the 2007/08 season in the SPL."

  3. Posted

    I would say yes...but I doubt that chimp is still alive.

     

    Given that the Thames whale got many mentions at the weekend, I'm sure a chimp is valid.

     

    I don't know what the official rules are - but what's the difference between a clever chimp and a stupid human?

     

    You can't tell the difference in my local Wetherspoons on Friday nights.

  4. Posted

    Dwarfs live as long as anybody else.

     

    It's giants who live short-lives, because their hearts conk-out, etc.

     

    Reminds me of John Le Mesurier's death notice in the Times

     

    John Le Mesurier want it to be known that he conked out on the ... etc

     

    Classic guy.

  5. Posted

    Didn't one of the wealthy Rockerfeller family die inside his secretary?

     

    And Mussolini was on the job with his mistress when a seething mob did for the pair of them.

    And in the line of politicians, I also recall FDR having an anyeurism while riding his mistress. A fair substitute for riding his wheelchair I'd say.

    Was she giving him a Pearl Harbour at the time?

     

    Would have been great if he had an oyster shell up his arse at the autopsy.

     

    Filthy, but good...

  6. Posted

    Just how hard would it be to assassinate Bush (not that I'd want it to happen)?

     

    How far in advance are his movements made public, because the Royal Family details are available weeks, if not months, in advance.

     

    But I suppose it would have to be a suicide assassin who did it, because a bomb would be found etc.

     

    Just a thought.

  8. Posted

    Then again, if Hogan continues wrestling every now and then and T continues to do jack-sh*t, then perhaps T could live longer than H.

     

    Lifestyle will decide this in the end, I suppose.

     

    But Hogan's daughter is pretty tasty - wouldn't want to be introduced to her father, though!

  10. Posted

    It's just an urban myth, of course, but:

     

    Catherine the Great

     

    A quote from the article (take care not to piss yourselves laughing, folks!):

     

    "Not being a native speaker of Russian, Catherine once mistook the word ещё (/yeshchyo/ - more), consisting of 3 letters, as истчо (/istcho/), consisting of 5 letters. That gave rise to a popular Russian joke: how can 5 mistakes occure in ещё? "

     

    Damn, if that is an example of Russian humour, I would've topped meself!

    As someone who once studied Russian, I can confirm they have their nuances.

     

    For example, whereas we would say "you are pulling my leg" they would say "Lapshoo na ooshee vershat" (my keyboard can't do cyrillic, btw) which translates to "You are hanging noodles on my ears".

     

    And to think half of the world were scared of them for 50 or so years.

  12. Posted

    Sorry, I meant Shakespeare was the first person to use the word in its current sense.

     

    It is a great word, though.

     

    I want to be assassinated when I go, as I think people who are tend to be remembered for longer after they go.

    As do the assassins.

  14. Posted

    We've ruled out WW1 survivors and Titanic survivors on the grounds that that's all they are. Fate and good genes is all they offer. The munchkin's are a more troublesome problem, fate, good genes (after a fashion) and a smattering of talent. I'm tellin' ya, you need nerves of steel and the judgement of a demi-god to be a moderator. Me, I'd say 'yes' on the spot.

    But munchkins didn't choose to be munchkins.

     

    WWI survivors chose to survive, if they wanted to they could have got shot.

     

    Also, the Titanic crowd could have chosen to go down with the boat.

  16. Posted

    He might not be famous, but here's a guy who died while poking a horse.

     

    Horse Sex Death

    Bloody hell. It takes all sorts I suppose, gives a new twist to horse riding that's for sure.

    Yes, he wasn't actually "sleeping" with the horse...the horse was "sleeping with him."

     

    There must be more animal-sex-related deaths out there that have been covered up.

     

    Our job is to uncover them.

  18. Posted

    was it an Aston-Martin? :)

    Nothing so glamorous, I'm afraid - Bolan died in a Mini.

     

    And let's not forget good old Rod Hull and his TV aerial tomfoolery :lol:

    Thank you, thank you.

     

    Good old Rod Hull, native of the Isle of Sheppey.

     

    He died while trying to get illegal emu porn by altering his tv aerial on his roof.

    Apparently he was holding the aerial with one hand while stroking himself with the other.

     

    Or it might have been the Champions League football - but that's too boring.

     

    Emu should make a comeback as a solo-artist, he was great.

  19. Posted

    Daily Mail readers are not hard to find.

     

    It is the second best-selling paper in the UK, with 2.1million sales per day.

     

    The Sun is still the biggest-selling English-language paper in the world, with 3.5million a day.

     

    But anyway, at least the fake peroxide pikey princess is dead.

  23. Posted

    Didn't one of the wealthy Rockerfeller family die inside his secretary?

     

    And Mussolini was on the job with his mistress when a seething mob did for the pair of them.

    That's not entirely accurate.

     

    They weren't sh*gging when they were strung up, surely.

     

    We want cases when people died in flagrante delicto.

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