Anubis the Jackal

Signature material. regards, Hein Not my own gag, but definately worthwhile. ATJ (father of two girls)

A neo-conservative is a liberal with a teenage daughter.

Is that to finish him off? That seems rather brutal Stop. Hammer Time!

I have a business contact in Thailand called Lee Bum Suk. Makes me chortle every time.

A little more vague please!

The Papal Chamberlain will be warming up his trusty silver hammer.

Clarence House issues clarification on Prince Charles's "bloody people" 1 Apr 2005 by Malcolm Drury Following the latest gaffe from a member of the House of Battenberg-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, alias Windsor, Clarence House has issued a statement of clarification on whom the Prince of Wales likes and dislikes. The gaffe was made by Prince Charles, who was overheard referring to reporters as "bloody people" and noting, in particular, that he could not bear the "awful" Nicholas Witchell, the BBC's royal correspondent. The remarks were made during a photo session during the Prince's latest holiday at Klosters with his sons. Speaking at a press conference this morning Douglas Ramsbottom, Charles's Third Deputy Principal Assistant Communications Secretary (Acting), said that the "bloody people" referred to were actually the paparazzi who had annoyed the princely trio the previous day. "Prince Charles had still not become fully acclimatised to the altitude," he said, "and was a bit confused because of the lack of oxygen. He did not realise that it was a bona fide pre-arranged photo opportunity." He went on to provide lists of those who are in Charles's favour and those who are not. On the "in" list, he said, are Cliff Richard, organic farmers, acupuncturists, herbal healers, potted plants, other royals, servants, and... "well that's about it, really". The extensive "out" list includes BBC reporters, architects, supporters of the ban on hunting with hounds, scientists, engineers, rock stars, Tony Blair and "the rest of his band of bloody commies", and the new Dr Who. Mr Ramsbottom explained that with regard to the latter, Prince Charles was deeply distressed at the changes made to the character, particularly his "dreadful northern accent", which he likened to a "monstrous audible carbuncle". Asked about Nicholas Witchell, Mr Ramsbottom conceded that Prince Charles really could not bear him. Prince Philip, the Family's expert in diplomacy, is reported to be delighted with his eldest son. A Buckingham Palace insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, told our reporter that Philip had more or less given Charles up as a wimp long ago but was gladdened to see his son finally lashing out at "those buggers in the press". The insider said that Philip had actually become very agitated and had had to be restrained from going out onto the balcony and taking a few pot shots at reporters who were milling about outside the Palace gates. Upon hearing the news that his Dr Who was not among the "in" list, a devastated Christopher Eccleston, the actor who plays the current doctor, announced that he no longer has the heart to continue in the role. with thanks

I always find it very strange that people say this. I don't get how you figure that the Royal family is German. Is it that you think that because some of their relatives were German that this makes them completely German? The name Saxe-Coburg-Gotha came to the British Royal Family in 1840 with the marriage of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert, son of Ernst, Duke of Saxe-Coburg & Gotha. Queen Victoria herself remained a member of the House of Hanover. Note that it is not the House of Barnsley or the Duke of Littlehampton.

What form of aberration is this? An ailing MP and no Deathlisters finding fault with her? Dig deeper.

That will amount to being a subject of a German royal family which has taken over from a French royal family.

Err, exactly how many Germans / French / Argies have you personally defeated then?

Long Haired Lover from Liverpool?

Sir. I fear you misunderstood my post. Much as I admire the Belgians for, amongst other things, their brewing abilities, their confectionery, their way with the fried vegetable/tuber, their willingness to host major European wars and their capacity for resigned melancholy, I am not of that persuasion. I merely followed Mr/Ms Shufflers' link and was somewhat underwhelmed by what I saw in the way of famous Belgians. Yours etc. ATJ

Hmmm.. I'd say some belgians are more famous than others... Senne Rouffaer, actor who is better known as "Kapitein Zeppos" (Captain Zeppos) Audrey Hepburn, actress and special ambassador to UNICEF Lynn Wesenbeek, first presenter on the TV station "VTM" and Miss Belgium in 1987 Jean-Claude Van Damme, action-film hero Dora van der Groen, actress best known for her role in "De Heren van Zichem" (The Men from Zichem) Terry van Ginderen, TV presenter better known as "Tante Terry" (Auntie Terry) from "Tip Top" Bob Davidse, TV presenter better known as "Nonkel Bob" (Uncle Bob) from "Tip Top" Samson, famous Belgian TV-dog

Is the Deathlist site on your school syllabus then. Great, read on and you may learn something. P.S.Not much to do in Aurora, Ontario I guess. The bright lights of Whitchurch-Stouffle are hardly renowned throughout the world.

Buddy Rich was notoriously hard to get on with while alive, sacking band members on a whim etc. Famously (and probabably mythically) a fellow musician phoned up Buddy Rich's house not long after his demise. His widow answered the phone to tell the musician the news that Buddy had passed on. Ten minutes later, the phone rang again and again the widow answered. It was the same musician again asking after Buddy. "But I told you before, Buddy died last week" she is reported to have said, whereupon the musician replied, " I know, I just like to hear you say it." Reportedly, his last words (replying to a nurse, who asked if anything was bothering him) were: "Yes ... country music!"

Q: What's the difference between Arthur Scargill and Michael Jackson? A: Scargill hasn't seen a miner's helmet for twenty years. Apologies for foreign DL members... try google.

Hmm. I take it you work with horses. Would you consider changing your member name to Catherine the Great?

Nope, not out of order at all. Remember where you are.

To quote Tom Lehrer (US satirist)... "Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize" He was awarded the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize along with Le Duc Tho of Vietnam, for his work on the Vietnam peace accords. Kissinger and Nixon had come to office in 1968 on a promise of a quick end to the Vietnam War, but the intervening years saw an escalation in conflict as well as its extension to an illegal bombing campaign (overseen by Kissinger) in Laos and Cambodia. Tho refused the prize rather than share it with Kissinger.

(adopting smoothest Terry-Thomas drawl) Well, Helll-ooo... Really Rita, you wouldn't want the full horror of the DL lotharios brathing sweet nothings into your ears. Nasty. Is that something naughty? Sorry... that should read Braying sweet nothings

(adopting smoothest Terry-Thomas drawl) Well, Helll-ooo... Really Rita, you wouldn't want the full horror of the DL lotharios brathing sweet nothings into your ears. Nasty.

Michael Jackson has accepted the Beckhams offer to go on a boating holiday with them after his trial. Apparently he wrote back to say he'd love to come on their little Cruz.

Gosh, it's no more Gish.

Sheila Gish On her way out by all accounts