Anubis the Jackal

Maybe the foul weather will be a shock to his system, more acclimed to the balmy med. Pneumonia as an outside shot perhaps?

They're playing on the 27th of May if this fine website is anything to go by. Any Deathlisters care for a bit of research?

Not at all, there's Chris Birchall as well Oh, and several thousand ex-pat Scots, Welsh, Irish etc.

A question to our flatlander brethren, do you have your orange WWII helmets yet? I picked one up, despite being about as Dutch as Barry Foster.

Yet more Mittel-European hilarity here http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=270580&cc=5739

One of me Mums, that one actually.

A man was seated on a nearly empty train pottering slowly through the sun-dappled English countryside. opposite him in the carriage was an grey-haired elderly lady, dressed in tweeds studiously reading a bible. The train pulled into a sleepy village station, whereupon the old lady immediately ceased reading her Bible and closed her eyes. When the train pulled out of the station, the old lady instantly returned to her reading. As the journey continued, the man realised that the old woman would repeat this at every station they passed through, putting down The Bible whenever they pulled into a station, and picking it up whenever they started up again. Finally, as the train was nearing the last stop on the line, curiosity got the better of the man and he gently leant over towrds the lady and cleared his throat to gain her attention. "Excuse me for asking," he said, "but I was just wondering, why were you reading your Bible whilst the train was moving, but then when we were in a station, you put it to one side?" The old woman turned to him and said "Why don't you just F**k Off."

What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG!

"This is the way the world ends, Not with a banger but a wimpy."

Hijacks anal tube.

Just to give my final two penn'orth on the matter, I was in fact talking about South Africans resident outside South Africa. I do not care how much people are trying to change the situation in South Africa, I do not care what you have had to put up with during and after the Apartheid era, I do not care how misunderstood you feel by the international community, just please please please stop behaving like such arrogant loud-mouthed fucknuts when I'm trying to have a nice quiet pint and a packet of pork scratchings.

Alphabetically, by producer, and by colour. I was unemployed

"I've got cancer of the wife." Peter Cook

Now I'm worried. I'm seeing legions of Orient fans singing along to Whitehouse, Coil being played as the teams run on the pitch and Throbbing Gristle as half-time entertainment . Tell me it's not like that!

He also 'plays' the piano. Top Chimp! Have a good one, elderly primate! (Cheeta, yesterday. Note the Diet Coke, apparently the old boy is diabetic)

Errr.. From your source "South African players were subjected to racial abuse during their tour of Australia and it did not come only from South African expatriates, according to an official ICC report... "It would be wrong to attribute racial abuse only to South African expatriates living in Australia. It was premeditated, coordinated and calculated to get after the players. It is a serious matter," he told a news conference. "(my italics) I hate the attitude of a lot of Afrikaners, Yes. You're too kind.

Isn't that 'Jack's Creation'? Gah! Foiled again! I would have got away with it if it weren't for you meddling prison warder.

I'll be walking in the Lake District. May try to pop in to the only Maryports famous gay pub while I'm there.

I shall be doing the same, although I'm still finding the ones from last year that I hid just a little bit too high up for them to reach. They'll be the 'good ones' then?

I think you'll find Arsenal's about a mile from Wood Green.

This Easter, I will be egg-bound.

I too considered roly-poly funny man Ted Bovis for my DDP team, but rejected him on the grounds that he was elected an ambassador of Rotherham in 2004. A spurious reason maybe, but there you go.

Usually it's the one I've just put a cheeky each-way on. Four years in a row my 4 shillings left Aintree on the catmeat truck, I was almost tempted to ask my turf accountant for a side bet on whether my nag would get the special treatment from the man with the bolt-gun.

Beautifully steered back on topic there, IE+. The crowd applaud!

Holy sh*t! I think you may not be joking! I've got a bottle of the Queens piss kicking around the cellar retreived during her visit to Rangoon in 1962. You could have that off my hands for 2 grand straight. (may not contain actual royal micturation, terms and conditions apply) Perhaps a little over priced, but I won.