Anubis the Jackal

En oeuf already. It's ova. Lay off the egg puns, or we'll soon have enough to fill an albumen.

I don't see what he's offering as an ante in this bet. What would be a good offer? His soul maybe?

Better than eating a 'dog egg'

Merely observing wildlife. And shabby ex-leaders of the opposition. What the dickens are you insinuating Sir? I'll have my satisfaction you cursed blackguard!

Doubt if he'll be ethnic cleansing in Paradise any time soon, See Pinochet and any number of SS comanders who wriggle out of prosecution by playing the 'too ill to stand trial' card

Always used to see him shuffling around Hampstead Heath. Fell over once and refused to be helped back to his feet. Looked like a mad old duffer.

I suppose Mr. Winner has been nominated before. Cigars, over-eating, possibility of someone kicking his face off for being a prize arse, surely his boat may soon be called off the municipal lake of life by the bored teenager of fate

Eight years in the Gulags, Four years of exile in Siberia, Cancer, Years in America, move back to Russia Treated last year for high blood pressure. Is he the reincarnation of Rasputin or is he due to shuffle off soon?

Celebrity Sleepover changed my life too. After watching Our Frank and Michael 'where's my pudding' Winner abuse and denigrate the hospitality of well-meaning proles I sold my television. Sadly this is actually true.

No one yet has blamed the Portuguese, for being more skilfull, faster, fitter and better at taking penalties. Can't be that though, must be the referee/England team/The Penalty Spot/Sven/Rio/The Bellboy/The Bossanova/The Boogie that's to blame.

Apparently he was dead keen on her.

I saw Mr. MacGowan on Saturday night. Amazingly he looks fairly OK, although I must say that these things are relative and he shouldn't be expecting a call-up to the Irish olympic athletics team. Therefore I'd say keep him out of the running for next years list.

DUP leader Ian Paisley said he was a "talented man, a great man and a character". And what finer a judge of character than the good Doctor P. The clock must be pretty near midnight for him too.

Personally, I can't wait for the highly-litigious Mr Saville to gain his 'Jim has snuffed it' badge. You can't sue for libel when you're dead and Jimmy has more skeletons in his closet than a cheap ghost train. I want to know that the dirt on him is true.

May I refer the above poster to the OED. "Two nations divided by a single language...."

Re Keef. Apparently, Keef Richards has given up smoking ON THE ADVICE OF HIS DOCTOR! Christ, if Keef has given up, what hope is there for the rest of us 40 a day black-lungs. At least we used to be able to justify our habit by believing we were living a facsimile of the rock and roll lifestyle as personified by Mr. R. Now, we truly are the unloved

Have you ever heard Ray Charles' version of 'I Can See Clearly Now' ? Anyway, I've weighed Rays' "Cheatin' Heart" and decided he can passs through to the afterlife after the mummification process.

A suggestion for next year, 85 year old jazz musician and inventor of the eponymous electric guitar. Still playing gigs. Must die soon, Jazz is an incurable affliction.

Give him 20 months max. JOHANNESBURG (AFP) - South Africa's anti-apartheid icon and one of the world's most revered statesman, Nelson Mandela, announced that he will be scaling back his public schedule to enjoy "a much quieter life." Mandela, who turns 86 next month, said he wanted to spend time with his family and friends, write memoirs about his tenure as South Africa's first black president, enjoy reading and engage in "quiet reflection".

Suicide by Ex-Lax, Jesus...what a way to go. The bottom must have fallen out of his world. Or the world fell out......