machotrouts

These are my three theme teams for 2024. #1 Hits My regular theme team of people who've had a record peak at #1 in the UK Singles Chart (either solo or as part of a group). 9th year in the DDP. Last year's position on the team is given in brackets, where applicable. 1. (re) Eddie 'Tan Tan' Thornton (The Blue Flames) 2. (9) David Graham (Peter Kay's Animated All Star Band) 3. (4) Jane Morgan 4. (new) Mike Sarne 5. (new) Tony Di Bart 6. (new) Marlon Jackson (The Jacksons) 7. (2) Andy Taylor (Duran Duran) 8. (new) Noddy Holder (Slade) 9. (21*) Willie Nelson (USA for Africa) 10. (new) Bruce Foxton (The Jam) 11. (8) Trevor Oakes (Showaddywaddy) 12. (new) Walter Parazaider (Chicago) 13. (new) Steve Harley 14. (new) Chris Stein (Blondie) 15. (17) Chris Rea (Band Aid II) 16. (16) Chris Farlowe 17. (new) Ray Walker (The Jordanaires) 18. (new) Grace Slick (Starship) 19. (re) Plas Johnson (B. Bumble and the Stingers) 20. (re) Ian McCredie (Middle of the Road) (*subbed in last year for Anita Pointer) This is the 2nd appearance for Eddie 'Tan Tan' Thornton, Andy Taylor, Plas Johnson, and Ian McCredie; the 3rd appearance for Trevor Oakes; the 4th appearance for Chris Rea; the 5th appearance for David Graham; the 6th appearance for Willie Nelson and Chris Farlowe; and the 8th appearance for Jane Morgan. This team had six hits in 2023: Rolf Harris (1), Tony Bennett (5), Bobby Charlton (6), Ian Bairnson (7), David Crosby (10), and Harry Belafonte (11). Survivors dropped from the team are: Lena Martell (12), James Dunn (13), Dave Edmunds (14), J.J. Barrie (15), Marilyn (18), Randy Jackson (19), and Young Thug (20). Unpersons My regular theme team of Big Brother UK housemates (including Celebrity Big Brother housemates – in fact, this year, only including Celebrity Big Brother housemates). 9th year in the DDP. Last year's position on the team is given in brackets, where applicable. 1. (2) Linda Nolan 2. (1) James Whale 3. (5) Julie Goodyear 4. (4) Chris Ellison 5. (6) Ron Atkinson 6. (7) Gary Busey 7. (8) Amanda Barrie 8. (new) Anne Diamond 9. (new) Leo Sayer 10. (9) Germaine Greer 11. (13) Jenna Jameson 12. (re) Ken Morley 13. (10) Dirk Benedict 14. (new) Cheryl Fergison 15. (new) Jess Impiazzi 16. (17) Kim Woodburn 17. (new) Jermaine Jackson 18. (new) Hardeep Singh Kohli 19. (new) India Willoughby 20. (20) Lauren Harries This is the 2nd appearance for Chris Ellison and Jenna Jameson, the 3rd appearance for Kim Woodburn, the 4th appearance for James Whale and Dirk Benedict, the 6th appearance for Amanda Barrie, the 7th appearance for Linda Nolan and Ken Morley, the 8th appearance for Germaine Greer, and the 9th appearance for Julie Goodyear, Ron Atkinson, Gary Busey, and Lauren Harries. This team had no hits in 2023. Dropped from the team are: Andrew Tate (3), Paddy Doherty (11), Danniella Westbrook (12), Farrah Abraham (14), Stephen Bear (15), Marco Pierre White Jr. (16), Angie Bowie (18), and Michael Madsen (19). Special:RandomInCategory/Living_people   My regular theme team in which I open 4000 random Wikipedia articles in the category 'Living people', and then whittle them down to the 20 who I believe are most likely to be hits this year. 4th year in the DDP. Names are presented as they are in their Wikipedia article titles, bracketed segments included; nevertheless, given the broad range of claims to fame, I've included an extra column to clarify what they're known for. 1. Artem Chekh Ukrainian soldier 2. Mohammed al-Houthi Former Houthi leader of Yemen, Supreme Political Council member 3. Syed Salahuddin Head of Hizbul Mujahideen in Kashmir 4. John Ashton (musician) Psychedelic Fur 5. John Laws Australian shock jock 6. John Farnham He's the Voice 7. Jon Blake (author) British children's author 8. Tom Brokaw American news anchor 9. Pat Buchanan American conservative figurehead 10. Charles Kay British actor (Amadeus, Fortunes of War) 11. 22Gz Brooklyn drill rapper 12. Sergio Brown American footballer/alleged murderer 13. Anne Dickson Unionist Party of Northern Ireland leader 1976-81 14. Claire Palley First female law professor in Britain, principal of St. Anne's College 1984-91 15. Gary Burton American jazz vibraphonist 16. Brian St. Clair American drummer (Triple Fast Action, Local H) 17. Vera Sharav Israel-based antivaxxer 18. Vardis Vardinogiannis Greek billionaire 19. Viktor Rashnikov Russian billionaire 20. Bedros Kirkorov Russian singer/Russian singer's dad This team had one hit in 2023: Mike Nussbaum (17). Another, Melker Schörling, died without a valid obit. Given the nature of the team, all 18 survivors have been dropped for this year.

Reviewing my 2023 teams' performance, and why not round the year off with an extremely boring addition to the List of the Lost – Swedish businessman Melker Schörling, a pick for my "Special:RandomInCategory/Living_people" team, apparently died early in December, without a QO.

Gone Pogue The tooth fairy's had a word with the Grim Reaper – Shane MacGowan has died at the age of 65. Best known as a member of the band 'Various artists', whose 1997 single 'Perfect Day' makes him a miss for my #1 Hits DDP team, he was also the frontman of 'The Pogues'. Sometimes wrongly dismissed as one-hit wonders, their many charting singles include the 1987 #2 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 1991 #36 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2005 #5 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2006 #6 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2007 #4 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2008 #12 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2009 #12 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2010 #17 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2011 #13 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2012 #12 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2013 #14 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2014 #11 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2015 #13 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2016 #15 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2017 #5 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2018 #4 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2019 #4 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2020 #4 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2021 #4 hit 'Fairytale of New York', the 2022 #9 hit 'Fairytale of New York', and the 2023 #TBC hit 'Fairytale of New York'. One of their hits, 'Fairytale of New York', has caused controversy over the years, as the notorious Kirsty MacColl lyric, "you're cheap and you're haggard", was censored out of respect for MacGowan's physical state. Unfortunately, the replacement line, a non-sequitur denunciation of poor-quality meatballs, proved even more inflammatory. The annual culture war has sadly tainted the song for me, as a proud member of the maggot community. Long popular with casual deadpoolers for his hard-living, dentist-upsetting lifestyle, MacGowan became of more interest to serious death connoisseurs (and nervous Inverse Dead Pool players) during this year's 11-month hospital stay, as his wife tantalised our draft teams with photos of him lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed. Unfortunately, he couldn't hold out long enough to be elected Jimmy Carter's vice president in the 2024 Drop Forty. In accordance with 'Fairytale of New York' tradition, he was taken home, given his last rites, and peacefully run over by a speedboat, surrounded by family and friends. Stiff competition for which player is worst off, but it's checkmate for @En Passant – he chose Shane as his king, and gains a full 25 points. Even worse, it's the end of @tracy's legendary pointless run, with a gain of... 1 point, and a fall from 1st to... still 1st. But it would be quicker to just congratulate the 11 of you who didn't pick him: @theoldlady (turns out this is a place for the old), @YoungWillz, @Wormfarmer, @MariNisia, @CalebH, @TheSpinosaurus (now why doesn't that tag work... oh, they changed their name to @The Immortal), @Sean, who jumps from 25th to 9th; @CaptainChorizo, who jumps from 19th to 8th; @diego and @Perhaps, who jump from joint 8th to joint 3rd; and @LizLemon, who jumps on the spot, from 2nd to... still 2nd. GAINED TOTAL = 1. tracy +1 1 = 2. LizLemon 3 ▲ 3. diego 12 ▲ 3. Perhaps 12 ▼ 5. gcreptile +6 13 ▼ 6. Grimgrass +10 14 = 7. Joey Russ +5 15 ▲ 8. CaptainChorizo 20 ▼ 9. Book +17 24 ▼ 9. Summer in Transylvania +15 24 ▲ 9. Sean 24 ▲ 12. Spade_Cooley +10 26 ▼ 13. Grim Up North +14 27 ▲ 14. deadsox +10 28 ▲ 15. wannamaker +6 29 ▼ 16. Nick +17 30 ▲ 17. MortalCaso +11 31 ▼ 18. machotrouts +16 32 ▼ 19. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +22 34 ▼ 19. The Unknown Man +21 34 ▼ 21. Death Impends +20 35 = 21. Torva Messor +13 35 ▲ 21. The Immortal (née TheSpinosaurus) 35 ▼ 24. Great Uncle Bulgaria +18 37 ▲ 24. Bibliogryphon +6 37 ▲ 26. CalebH 38 ▼ 27. An Fear Beag +17 40 = 28. TQR +18 44 = 29. Captain Hemlock +17 45 ▼ 30. Annami +24 47 ▼ 30. BuffaloPhil +23 47 ▼ 30. marinade +22 47 ▼ 33. Newjack +20 51 ▼ 34. nantonian2013 +18 55 ▲ 34. BabyBlue +10 55 ▲ 34. MariNisia 55 ▲ 37. Pedro67 +14 57 ▲ 37. The Old Crem +7 57 ▼ 39. Funeralopolis +21 59 ▲ 40. Wormfarmer 61 ▼ 41. En Passant +25 62 ▼ 41. Hell +23 62 ▼ 43. Toast +21 68 ▲ 44. YoungWillz 71 ▼ 45. Sir Creep +14 72 ▼ 46. chilean way +22 74 ▲ 47. Alcalina +7 86 ▼ 48. machotrouts' mum +21 87 ▲ 48. theoldlady 87 = 50. msc +12 113

I Am the Kissinger, and I Died and I Died Henry Kissinger, former US Secretary of (leaving the world in a) State, has died at the age of 100. The universally beloved diplomat leaves a legacy of harmony. He maintained global stability by couping democratically elected socialists to unite governments of the world in capitalist hegemony. He successfully negotiated a ceasefire in Vietnam by kindly helping Nixon undermine Lyndon B. Johnson's peace talks so he could make sure to do them properly himself. He brought peace to thousands of Cambodians by magnanimously carpet bombing them to death. He left Southeast Asia covered in landmines to help break up any fights between passers-by and their own legs. He enjoyed a long tenure as an elder statesman, advocating for bipartisanship between Republicans and Democrats by reminding them of their common enemy: human beings. He will also be fondly remembered for his sex appeal, with a dating history that includes Zsa Zsa Gabor – a testament to his longevity that this wasn't his primary claim to notoriety among deadpoolers. The iconic hunk was also said to have topped a 1972 poll of Playboy bunnies asked for "the man I would most like to go out on a date with". In recent years, he topped similar polls among war crime police investigators in Chile, Brazil, Spain, and France, countries he unfortunately couldn't make time to visit before his premature demise. Breaking the habit of a lifetime, he leaves a trail of destruction on the leaderboard. 13 points for @MariNisia! 14 points for @The Old Crem! 15 points for @Toast! 16 points for @Pedro67! 21 points for @YoungWillz! Well, no offence, none of you were doing that well anyway. 16 points also takes @theoldlady to a total of 87, putting her back in the running for worst player 2023, but 17 points helps @msc make it to 101 – more than Kissinger can say. Good players are losing out too – 15 points go to @Spade_Cooley, who plummets to his doom like a passenger in Pinochet's helicopter. He has to settle for joint 15th with the wretched @machotrouts, while the #3 spot is taken by @Grimgrass – there's a username who'd know about killing fields. Bad news also for @Death Impends – the top 7 is kissing 'er goodbye, with only 6 points being enough to drop her to #14. And finally – shut it down! It's the end of @LizLemon's perfect game. Blerg! She saw the #2 spot and said I want to go to there. 3 points – that's a dealbreaker, ladies! (For the uninitiated, these are all catchphrases associated with Henry Kissinger.) That leaves @tracy the last remaining member of the zero points club. But how long will that last? (Spoiler alert: as long as it takes me to post Shane MacGowan's update.) GAINED TOTAL = 1. tracy 0 ▼ 2. LizLemon +3 3 ▲ 3. Grimgrass 4 ▲ 4. Book 7 ▲ 4. gcreptile 7 ▲ 6. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 7. Joey Russ 10 ▲ 8. ThereWillBeDeaths7 12 ▲ 8. diego 12 ▲ 8. Perhaps 12 ▲ 11. Nick 13 ▲ 11. The Unknown Man 13 ▲ 11. Grim Up North 13 ▼ 14. Death Impends +6 15 ▼ 15. Spade_Cooley +15 16 ▼ 15. machotrouts +3 16 ▲ 17. deadsox 18 ▲ 18. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 ▼ 19. MortalCaso +5 20 ▲ 19. CaptainChorizo 20 ▲ 21. Torva Messor 22 ▼ 22. An Fear Beag +7 23 ▲ 22. Annami 23 ▲ 22. wannamaker 23 ▼ 25. Sean +6 24 ▲ 25. BuffaloPhil 24 ▲ 27. marinade 25 ▼ 28. TQR +2 26 ▲ 29. Captain Hemlock 28 ▲ 30. Newjack 31 ▲ 30. Bibliogryphon 31 ▲ 32. TheSpinosaurus 35 ▲ 33. nantonian2013 37 ▲ 33. En Passant 37 ▲ 35. Funeralopolis 38 ▲ 35. CalebH 38 ▲ 37. Hell 39 ▼ 38. Pedro67 +16 43 ▲ 39. BabyBlue 45 ▼ 40. Toast +15 47 ▼ 41. The Old Crem +14 50 ▲ 42. chilean way 52 ▼ 43. MariNisia +13 55 ▲ 44. Sir Creep +3 58 ▲ 45. Wormfarmer 61 ▲ 46. machotrouts' mum 66 ▼ 47. YoungWillz +21 71 ▲ 48. Alcalina 79 ▼ 49. theoldlady +16 87 ▼ 50. msc +17 101

Ruffo Tumbles As if poor Australia wasn't busy enough mourning Rolf Harris – Johnny Ruffo has died of brain cancer at the age of 35. Coming to fame as a finalist in 'The X Factor Australia' (the Australian version of The X Factor) in 2011, he went on to win 'Dancing with the Stars Australia' (the Australian version of Dancing with the Stars) in 2012. He also pursued a pop career, with ARIA top 30 hits including 'On Top' – a song about where he keeps his tumours – and 'Take It Home', which includes the haunting lyric "I love the way she mess with my head", a prophetic shout-out to the brain surgeons who'd one day try to save him. In 2013, he turned to acting, playing the role of Chris Harrington in 'Home and Away Australia' – sorry, 'Home and Away' – until he left in 2016 "to pursue new challenges". Unfortunately, he got his wish, being diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2017. 5 years later, he was triggering deadpoolers' Google Alerts on the phrase "one last Christmas". So how's this update for players – rough? Oh, not really – only 11 of you picked him, and most of those 11 put him near the bottom of their team, so they're not doing too badly. Just Ruffo round the edges, you might say. The race for last place is a marathon, not a sprint – after 0 points for the first 5 hits, and 79 points for the last 5 hits (including 15 from Ruffo), @Alcalina is now in the running for the coveted #50 spot. A beautiful underdog story. However, @msc, who was already on 79 points, defends his status as biggest loser, gaining an extra 5 points to consolidate his "lead". More interestingly, we do have movement on our actual lead, as one of our three remaining 0-pointers has become a 7-pointer: @Book has booked it down the leaderboard to 5th. Book 'em, Ruffo! 2 players remain on 0 points: @LizLemon and @tracy. That feels like destiny. GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. tracy 0 ▲ 3. Spade_Cooley 1 ▲ 4. Grimgrass 4 ▼ 5. Book +7 7 ▲ 5. gcreptile 7 = 7. Death Impends 9 = 7. Summer in Transylvania 9 = 9. Joey Russ 10 = 10. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +1 12 ▲ 10. diego 12 ▲ 10. Perhaps 12 = 13. Nick 13 = 13. machotrouts 13 = 13. The Unknown Man 13 = 13. Grim Up North 13 ▲ 17. MortalCaso 15 ▼ 18. An Fear Beag +2 16 = 19. Sean 18 = 19. deadsox 18 = 21. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 ▼ 22. CaptainChorizo +1 20 = 23. Torva Messor 22 = 24. Annami 23 = 24. wannamaker 23 ▼ 26. TQR +1 24 ▲ 26. BuffaloPhil 24 ▲ 28. marinade 25 ▲ 29. Pedro67 27 ▼ 30. Captain Hemlock +4 28 = 31. Newjack 31 = 31. Bibliogryphon 31 = 33. Toast 32 = 34. TheSpinosaurus 35 = 35. The Old Crem 36 ▲ 36. nantonian2013 37 ▲ 36. En Passant 37 ▲ 38. Funeralopolis 38 ▲ 38. CalebH 38 ▼ 40. Hell +3 39 = 41. MariNisia 42 = 42. BabyBlue 45 ▲ 43. YoungWillz 50 = 44. chilean way +4 52 ▼ 45. Sir Creep +8 55 = 46. Wormfarmer 61 ▲ 47. machotrouts' mum 66 ▲ 48. theoldlady 71 ▼ 49. Alcalina +15 79 = 50. msc +5 84

Don't want to get drawn into this thread but I saw an incredulous "Chumbafuckingwumba??" in my Unread Posts and had to leap to their defence. Mon 6 Nov 47 Underworld — Born Slippy 45 Natalie Imbruglia — Torn -6 37 Chumbawamba — Tubthumping +4 35 The Verve — Bitter Sweet Symphony 35 Blur — Song 2 34 Sash! ft. Rodriguez — Ecuador 33 The Cardigans — Lovefool 31 Robert Miles — Children 29 Mark Snow — The X-Files 29 Manic Street Preachers — A Design For Life 26 Supergrass — Richard III 26 Dario G — Sunchyme 26 The Bluetones — Slight Return 25 Gala — Freed From Desire 24 Kula Shaker — Hush 23 George Michael — Spinning The Wheel 23 Toni Braxton — Un-Break My Heart 17 Sash! — Encore Une Fois 09 Warren G ft. Adina Howard — What's Love Got To Do With It 09 George Michael — Star People '97 (And I think you'll find it's Chumbafuckingwamba.)

We're Short of a Bob or Two Bobby Charlton has died at the age of 86, becoming the Inverse Dead Pool's second consecutive Bob lost to dementia. Despite living in the shadow of his brother, over-60s walking-football champion Tommy Charlton, Bobby was an accomplished football player in his own right. A member of the winning 1966 England World Cup squad, he also famously survived the Munich air disaster – at least for the initial 65 years before he finally succumbed to his injuries. The pinnacle of his career came in 1983, when he became director of my hometown team, Wigan Athletic – a cruel oxymoron, given the quantities of pie we eat. In later life, he went from Ballon d'Or to Death's d'Or. Diagnosed with dementia at an unspecified point before 2020 – he couldn't remember when – he lived out his final years in Ribsmasher Windowsills Care Home, a choice that would be his tragic undoing. Bobby suffered complications from a fall, after Lionel Blair, Jim Bowen, and Keith Chegwin strapped him into a pillory and pulled his trousers down. He is survived by his wife, Norma Ball – and now, indeed, there is no more ball. 22 of you picked him – enough to fill a football pitch. I think it's all over for @msc, found dribbling his way back to last place with 13 points for a total of 79. @Alcalina continues his catastrophic streak with another 18 points – still in 1st place with 0 points just 4 leaderboard updates ago, he's now 47th with 64. Alcalina's aliterative partner @Annami suffers similar misfortune – with 20 points on Bobby, she's out of the top 5, and indeed the top 22. Also off the winning team is @Nick – a 9-point own goal takes him to a total of 13, putting him in 13th (note that we're now in the phase of the game where half the points match the rankings). On the bright side, those two players help @Death Impends rise from 8th to 7th despite a 4-point penalty, and @Bibliogryphon is right about 5 points not doing him much harm – he goes from 34th to 31st. Good news also for @Grimgrass, whose grass expertise no doubt helped on the pitch – their Bobby-free team slides into the top 5. But the top 4 – including the three nil-pointers – remain unfouled. Could these be the first three players in this pool's history to see out a full year without a hit? GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. Book 0 = 4. Spade_Cooley 1 ▲ 5. Grimgrass 4 ▲ 6. gcreptile 7 ▲ 7. Death Impends +4 9 ▲ 7. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 9. Joey Russ 10 ▲ 10. ThereWillBeDeaths7 11 ▲ 11. diego 12 ▲ 11. Perhaps 12 ▼ 13. Nick +9 13 ▲ 13. machotrouts 13 ▲ 13. The Unknown Man 13 ▲ 13. Grim Up North 13 ▲ 17. An Fear Beag 14 ▲ 18. MortalCaso 15 ▼ 19. Sean +5 18 ▼ 19. deadsox +5 18 ▼ 21. CaptainChorizo +7 19 ▲ 21. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 ▲ 23. Torva Messor +1 22 ▼ 24. Annami +20 23 ▲ 24. wannamaker 23 ▲ 24. TQR 23 ▼ 27. Captain Hemlock +6 24 ▼ 27. BuffaloPhil +3 24 ▼ 29. marinade +3 25 ▲ 30. Pedro67 +3 27 ▼ 31. Newjack +11 31 ▲ 31. Bibliogryphon +5 31 ▲ 33. Toast 32 ▲ 34. TheSpinosaurus 35 ▼ 35. Hell +12 36 ▲ 35. The Old Crem 36 ▼ 37. nantonian2013 +10 37 ▲ 37. En Passant 37 ▼ 39. Funeralopolis +13 38 ▲ 39. CalebH 38 ▼ 41. MariNisia +7 42 ▲ 42. BabyBlue 45 = 43. Sir Creep +2 47 ▼ 44. chilean way +5 48 ▲ 45. YoungWillz 50 = 46. Wormfarmer +14 61 ▼ 47. Alcalina +18 64 = 48. machotrouts' mum 66 ▲ 49. theoldlady 71 ▼ 50. msc +13 79

Team "plastic shite" checking in! Sun 1 Oct (barely) 41 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 26 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 23 Nelly Furtado - Maneater 23 Gorillaz - Dare 22 Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out of My Head +4 20 Britney Spears - Toxic 12 Eminem ft. Dido - Stan -6

Very separating-the-art-from-the-artist of me to simultaneously upvote Jake Shears and Julia Volkova. Wed 27 Sep 30 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance -1 29 Nelly Furtado - Maneater 28 Evanescence - Bring Me to Life -2 28 Eminem ft. Dido - Stan -3 28 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 28 Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out of My Head 27 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 27 Gorillaz - Dare 25 Britney Spears - Toxic 23 Stereophonics - Dakota  17 t.A.T.u. - All the Things She Said +2 16 Spiller - Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love) 15 Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin’ +2 13 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl

Pushing the buttons (the "+" and "4" on my keyboard). Tue 26 Sep 29 Nelly Furtado - Maneater 28 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance -1 28 Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out of My Head 28 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 27 Eminem ft. Dido - Stan -4 26 Spiller - Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love) 26 Gorillaz - Dare 26 t.A.T.u. - All the Things She Said 25 Evanescence - Bring Me to Life -1 23 Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella 22 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 22 Stereophonics - Dakota 22 Sugababes - Push the Button +4 21 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 21 Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin’ 20 Britney Spears - Toxic 12 La Roux - Bulletproof

Sorry Modjo I don't want to Hear You Tonight. Mon 25 Sep 34 Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out of My Head 29 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 28 Sugababes - Push the Button 26 Britney Spears - Toxic 25 t.A.T.u. - All the Things She Said 25 Evanescence - Bring Me to Life 25 Gorillaz - Dare 24 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 24 Nelly Furtado - Maneater +1 21 Eminem ft. Dido - Stan 21 Stereophonics - Dakota 21 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 21 Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella 21 Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin’ +1 19 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 18 Spiller - Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love) 18 La Roux - Bulletproof 14 Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z - Crazy in Love +2 12 Modjo - Lady (Hear Me Tonight) -6

Being annoying. Sun 24 Sep  23 Aaliyah - More Than a Woman +1 22 Nelly Furtado - Maneater 21 Eminem ft. Dido - Stan -1 21 Sugababes - Push the Button +1 21 t.A.T.u. - All the Things She Said +1 21 Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out of My Head +1 20 All Saints - Pure Shores 20 Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z - Crazy in Love 20 Britney Spears - Toxic 20 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy 20 Evanescence - Bring Me to Life 20 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 20 Gorillaz - Dare 20 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 20 La Roux - Bulletproof 20 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 20 Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin’ 20 Spiller - Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love) 20 Stereophonics - Dakota 19 Britney Spears - Oops!… I Did It Again -1 19 Elvis vs JXL - A Little Less Conversation -1 19 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance -1 19 Modjo - Lady (Hear Me Tonight) -1 16 Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella 13 Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor -1 Actually quite hard to find 6 songs to downvote so well done everybody.

I do accept that every generation has people who think armageddon is on the horizon because women are taking their clothes off too much these days; indeed, the confused elision of this with a critique of capitalism seems very of-The Fear's-time. I think it fell out of fashion by 2013 when 'Hard Out Here' went down like a cup of cold discharge. Sun 24 Sep 81 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 74 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 63 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 50 La Roux - Bulletproof 22 Lily Allen - The Fear -6 13 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy +4 9 Pink - So What

I'll admit I liked The Fear at the time – like most of its parent album, it's at least pretty – but the lyrics are very "okay boomer". "Life's about film stars and less about mothers / It's all about fast cars and cussing each other"? It's like Sandi Thom's eviler twin. Sat 23 Sep 81 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 78 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 57 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 48 La Roux - Bulletproof 28 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy +4 23 Pink - So What 17 Girls Aloud - The Promise 8 Lily Allen - The Fear -6

I should have given up on Calvin and pivoted to saving Ting Tings because I liked that one about as much. Well it's not like either of them were as good as Bonkeys anyway. I like that typo so it can stay. Fri 22 Sep 84 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 80 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 46 La Roux - Bulletproof 41 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy 37 Girls Aloud - The Promise 35 Lady Gaga - Poker Face +4 25 Pink - So What 24 Lily Allen - The Fear -6 20 Duffy - Mercy

I may, in fact, be alone. Thu 21 Sep 84 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 80 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 50 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy  50 La Roux - Bulletproof 39 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 30 Girls Aloud - The Promise 28 Pink - So What 27 Duffy - Mercy 23 The Ting Tings - That’s Not My Name 22 Lily Allen - The Fear -6 15 Calvin Harris - I’m Not Alone +4

Take a Bow (and shoot an arrow in it) Wed 20 Sep 80 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 76 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 50 Lily Allen - The Fear 50 La Roux - Bulletproof 39 The Ting Tings - That’s Not My Name 39 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy 37 Pink - So What 33 Duffy - Mercy 28 Lady Gaga - Poker Face +1 27 Calvin Harris - I’m Not Alone +3 19 Rihanna - Take a Bow -6 19 Girls Aloud - The Promise 11 Lady Gaga ft. Colby O’Donis - Just Dance

Poker Face was the prototype that Bad Romance failed to top. 19 September 2023 76 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance -4 76 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 52 La Roux - Bulletproof 43 Girls Aloud - The Promise 42 Lily Allen - The Fear 39 The Ting Tings - That’s Not My Name 38 Pink - So What 30 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy 26 Duffy - Mercy 26 Lady Gaga - Poker Face +4 24 Calvin Harris - I’m Not Alone 22 Lady Gaga ft. Colby O’Donis - Just Dance  21 Rihanna - Take a Bow -1 13 Cheryl Cole - Fight for This Love -1 06 David Guetta ft. Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over

I mustn't get hooked into one of these again... but Bonkers needs me. 2023-09-17 70 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance 68 Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl 45 La Roux - Bulletproof 43 Lily Allen - The Fear -1 40 Girls Aloud - The Promise 37 Pink - So What 36 Duffy - Mercy 28 Rihanna - Take a Bow -2 28 The Ting Tings - That’s Not My Name 22 Leona Lewis - Run -1 22 David Guetta ft. Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over 22 Lady Gaga ft. Colby O’Donis - Just Dance 20 Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart 20 Calvin Harris - I’m Not Alone 19 Lady Gaga - Poker Face 19 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy 19 JLS - Beat Again 19 Dizzee Rascal ft. Armand Van Helden - Bonkers +4 18 Coldplay - Viva la Vida 13 Cheryl Cole - Fight for This Love -2 12 Dizzee Rascal ft. Calvin Harris - Holiday

The Vice Is Tight Bob Barker has died at the age of 99. He was best known to US TV viewers for his 50-year game show presenting career, as host of 'Truth or Consequences' from 1956 to 1975, and 'The Price Is Right' from 1972 to 2007. He was best known to non-US TV viewers for nothing, as nobody televises deadpooling tournaments. An animal rights advocate, except when it comes to the right to fuck, he famously signed off episodes of The Price Is Right with the snappy catchphrase "This is Bob Barker reminding you to help control the pet population – have your pets spayed or neutered". He also once feuded with Inverse Dead Pool alumnus Betty White over the welfare of an elephant – he wanted it relocated to a sanctuary, and she wanted it kept in her local zoo, due to her subconscious desire to be trampled and finally taste the sweet unattainable release of death. Of interest to deadpoolers for his frailty and a series of falls, it was ultimately Alzheimer's that made a carker out of Barker, and none of us even knew he had it. Of course, by the end, neither did he. So who's paying the price for not being right? @Alcalina: COME ON DOWN! To 46th place, because you bet 24 points on Bob. Tough break for someone who had 0 points 3 updates ago. @Toast and @msc: REMAIN SEATED! You gain a respective 5 and 11 points without changing place at all, because the leaderboard is getting wide. In the more competitive half, reigning runner-up @Sean – who is technically the #1 seed for this contest, as @YorkshireBanker didn't come back – drops from 9th to 16th with 7 points. @Spade_Cooley and @Annami get tagged for a nice reason – they're back in the top 5, as @Death Impends becomes the latest departure from the Zero Club, with 5 points. That leaves 3 players still on 0 as we enter the last 33% of the year: @LizLemon, @tracy, and @Book. As for @theoldlady... well, she can always blame the wheel: GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. Book 0 ▲ 4. Spade_Cooley 1 ▲ 5. Annami 3 ▲ 6. Grimgrass 4 ▲ 6. Nick 4 ▼ 8. Death Impends +5 5 ▲ 9. gcreptile 7 ▲ 10. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 11. Joey Russ 10 ▲ 12. ThereWillBeDeaths7 11 ▼ 13. CaptainChorizo +2 12 ▲ 13. diego 12 ▲ 13. Perhaps 12 ▼ 16. Sean +7 13 = 17. machotrouts 13 = 17. The Unknown Man 13 = 17. deadsox 13 = 17. Grim Up North 13 = 21. An Fear Beag 14 = 22. MortalCaso 15 = 23. Captain Hemlock 18 = 24. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 ▼ 25. Newjack +1 20 = 26. BuffaloPhil 21 = 26. Torva Messor 21 = 28. marinade 22 ▲ 29. wannamaker 23 ▲ 29. TQR 23 ▲ 31. Hell 24 ▲ 31. Pedro67 24 ▲ 33. Funeralopolis 25 ▲ 34. Bibliogryphon 26 ▲ 35. nantonian2013 27 = 36. Toast +5 32 ▼ 37. TheSpinosaurus +2 35 ▲ 37. MariNisia 35 ▲ 39. The Old Crem 36 ▼ 40. En Passant +7 37 ▲ 41. CalebH 38 ▲ 42. chilean way 43 ▲ 43. BabyBlue 45 ▲ 43. Sir Creep 45 ▼ 45. Alcalina +24 46 ▼ 46. Wormfarmer +2 47 = 47. YoungWillz 50 = 48. msc +11 66 ▲ 48. machotrouts' mum 66 ▼ 50. theoldlady +15 71 This is Bob Barker reminding you to help control the machotrouts population – have his mum spayed or neutered.

Goodness Gracious, George Alagiah Journalist George Alagiah has George Ala-died-of bowel cancer at the age of 67. Best known as a newsreader, having presented BBC News at Six for the past 15 years, he was previously a foreign correspondent specialising in Africa and the developing world, in which time he interviewed deadpooling stars such as Nelson Mandela, Robert Mugabe, Desmond Tutu, and Maude Apatow. But irony struck in 2014, when it emerged that the former developing world correspondent was in fact developing a world of his own – of cancer, in his bowel. A Derby Dead Pool favourite since at least his 2018 cancer recurrence, even peaking at #1 in the Drop Forty last year – James Whale pipped him this year, which was possibly the last straw – Alagiah is much less popular on the Inverse Dead Pool, because that is the format of the game. I've got bad news to break to 3 of you. With 5 points on Alagiah, @theoldlady becomes the penultimate-placing player; 12 points causes @BuffaloPhil to make a big bowel movement down from #11 to #26; and it's a good thing @YoungWillz said "plummet" was one of his favourite words, because with a 24-point hit, that's exactly what he does, down to the bottom 4. GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. Death Impends 0 = 1. Book 0 = 5. Spade_Cooley 1 = 6. Annami 3 = 7. Grimgrass 4 = 7. Nick 4 = 9. Sean 6 = 10. gcreptile 7 = 11. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 12. CaptainChorizo 10 ▲ 12. Joey Russ 10 ▲ 14. ThereWillBeDeaths7 11 ▲ 15. diego 12 ▲ 15. Perhaps 12 ▲ 17. machotrouts 13 ▲ 17. The Unknown Man 13 ▲ 17. deadsox 13 ▲ 17. Grim Up North 13 ▲ 21. An Fear Beag 14 ▲ 22. MortalCaso 15 ▲ 23. Captain Hemlock 18 ▲ 24. Newjack 19 ▲ 24. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 ▼ 26. BuffaloPhil +12 21 ▲ 26. Torva Messor 21 = 28. Alcalina 22 = 28. marinade 22 = 30. wannamaker 23 = 30. TQR 23 = 32. Hell 24 = 32. Pedro67 24 = 34. Funeralopolis 25 = 35. Bibliogryphon 26 ▲ 36. nantonian2013 27 ▲ 36. Toast 27 ▲ 38. En Passant 30 ▲ 39. TheSpinosaurus 33 ▲ 40. MariNisia 35 ▲ 41. The Old Crem 36 ▲ 42. CalebH 38 ▲ 43. chilean way 43 ▲ 44. BabyBlue 45 ▲ 44. Wormfarmer 45 ▲ 44. Sir Creep 45 ▼ 47. YoungWillz +24 50 ▲ 48. msc 55 ▼ 49. theoldlady +5 56 = 50. machotrouts' mum 66

Ashes to Ashes, Cheek to Cheek The only person on this year's Inverse Dead Pool I've seen in concert, Henry Kissinger Tony Bennett has died at the age of 96. The crooner and Great American Songbook exhumer was noted for his longevity. His 1951 hit 'Because of You', a searing takedown of Kelly Clarkson's absent father, kickstarted a 7-decade career, and he remained active 5 years into his Alzheimer's diagnosis, when he last took to the stage to perform his signature song, 'Goddammit Where Did I Leave My Heart'. Unfortunately for the majority of us – 26 out of 50 picked him – he is not noted for his longevity in the Inverse Dead Pool 2023. ♪ She banked 24 points on Tony Bennett's life – that's why @theoldlady is a tramp. ♪ And she's not the only one: 24 points also go to my mother, who, following her 25-point hit for Burt Bacharach, becomes the first player to lose both her top 2, and unsurprisingly takes back last place. Sorry mum, putting your favourite musicians on top doesn't give them a protective shield. Other tramps include @BabyBlue Velvet and The @chilean way You Look Tonight, who both take 19-point hits. In fact, the only member of the current bottom 11 not to bet on Bennett is @Sir Creep, who goes from Rags to Riches – well, from #50 to #45. Meanwhile, there are two more players off zero, to the tune of 3 points for @Annami, and *22* points for poor @Alcalina. At least you'll be able to tell their usernames apart now. Other contenders failing to show longevity include @diego, who goes from 2 points to 12, and @machotrouts, who goes from 6 points to 13. Well, he looked fine to me at that concert. Granted, I was 9 at the time. It was in Edinburgh in 2000. He must have declined afterwards. Maybe he had a bad deep-fried Mars Bar. GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. Death Impends 0 = 1. Book 0 ▲ 5. Spade_Cooley 1 ▼ 6. Annami +3 3 ▲ 7. Grimgrass 4 ▲ 7. Nick 4 ▲ 9. Sean 6 ▼ 10. gcreptile +4 7 ▲ 11. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 11. BuffaloPhil 9 ▲ 13. CaptainChorizo 10 ▲ 13. Joey Russ 10 ▲. 15. ThereWillBeDeaths7 11 ▼ 16. diego +10 12 = 16. Perhaps +2 12 ▼ 18. machotrouts +7 13 ▲ 18. The Unknown Man +2 13 ▲ 18. deadsox 13 ▲ 18. Grim Up North 13 ▼ 22. An Fear Beag +3 14 ▲ 23. MortalCaso 15 ▲ 24. Captain Hemlock 18 ▼ 25. Newjack +8 19 ▲ 25. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 ▲ 27. Torva Messor 21 ▼ 28. Alcalina +22 22 ▲ 28. marinade +2 22 ▼ 30. wannamaker +7 23 ▲ 30. TQR 23 ▼ 32. Hell +8 24 ▼ 32. Pedro67 +7 24 ▼ 34. Funeralopolis +11 25 ▼ 35. Bibliogryphon +11 26 ▲ 35. YoungWillz 26 ▼ 37. nantonian2013 +4 27 ▲ 37. Toast 27 ▲ 39. En Passant 30 ▲ 40. TheSpinosaurus +1 33 ▼ 41. MariNisia +14 35 ▼ 42. The Old Crem +12 36 ▼ 43. CalebH +13 38 ▼ 44. chilean way +19 43 ▼ 45. BabyBlue +19 45 ▲ 45. Wormfarmer +5 45 ▲ 45. Sir Creep 45 ▼ 48. theoldlady +24 51 ▼ 49. msc +15 55 ▼ 50. machotrouts' mum +24 66

Dead Carked-It-Ski Mathematician Ted Kaczynski has died by suicide at the age of 81. Another sobering indictment of the male mental health epidemic. Please, men, talk about your feelings. Reach out to someone, by any means you can. Write a letter and mail it if you have to. You might think the most famous Una is Stubbs or From The Saturdays, but in America, it was a Mr Bomber. A professor in the 1960s, he left academia to become a forest-dwelling survivalist recluse – probably pays about as well as teaching – and when this lifestyle became unviable, pivoted to fighting modernity by blowing people up. Okay, boomer! His illustrious career in anarcho-primitivist terrorism peaked with the Washington Post's publication of his 35,000-word manifesto against industrialisation and leftism, the most words spent denouncing the left in a Washington Post issue before Bernie Sanders ran for president. Given Kaczynski's opposition to technology and community, this internet forum must be testament to everything he despised – though, to be fair, most of the people mentioned on here probably feel the same way. 16 of you bet on Teddy – poetically, that's one for every bomb he mailed. His latest victims include @Toast, @chilean way, and @The Old Crem, who all receive 13 points in the post, the latter two falling together to joint 38th. 11 points blasts @Captain Hemlock out of the top 20 and 30; 10 points doubles @marinade's total; and a respective 8 and 7 points put @En Passant and @TheSpinosaurus in the bottom 6. Escaping with minor burns and shrapnel wounds is @machotrouts with 2 points – he's never around these days, so I don't suppose he'll notice – and while @Sir Creep only gets 5 points, it's enough to slide him back under my mother. But it's a Ted Katastrophi for @CaptainChorizo and @Great Uncle Bulgaria – they both leave the Zero Club with 10 and 19 points, respectively. Try not to be radicalised by this. GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. Death Impends 0 = 1. Alcalina 0 = 1. Book 0 = 1. Annami 0 ▲ 7. Spade_Cooley 1 ▲ 8. diego 2 ▲ 9. gcreptile 3 ▲ 10. Grimgrass 4 ▲ 10. Nick 4 ▼ 12. Sean +4 6 ▼ 12. machotrouts +2 6 ▲ 14. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 14. BuffaloPhil 9 ▼ 16. CaptainChorizo +10 10 ▲ 16. Joey Russ +1 10 ▲ 16. Perhaps 10 ▼ 19. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +4 11 ▲ 19. Newjack 11 ▲ 19. The Unknown Man 11 ▲ 19. An Fear Beag 11 ▲ 23. deadsox 13 ▲ 23. Grim Up North 13 ▲ 25. Funeralopolis 14 ▲ 26. Bibliogryphon +3 15 ▲ 26. MortalCaso 15 ▲ 28. Hell 16 ▲ 28. wannamaker 16 ▲ 30. Pedro67 17 ▼ 31. Captain Hemlock +11 18 ▼ 32. Great Uncle Bulgaria +19 19 ▼ 33. marinade +10 20 ▲ 34. Torva Messor 21 ▲ 34. MariNisia 21 ▲ 36. nantonian2013 23 ▲ 36. TQR 23 ▼ 38. chilean way +13 24 ▼ 38. The Old Crem +13 24 ▲ 40. CalebH 25 ▼ 41. BabyBlue +11 26 ▲ 41. YoungWillz 26 ▼ 43. Toast +13 27 ▲ 43. theoldlady 27 ▼ 45. En Passant +8 30 ▼ 46. TheSpinosaurus +7 32 = 47. msc 40 = 47. Wormfarmer 40 ▲ 49. machotrouts' mum 42 ▼ 50. Sir Creep +5 45

Let Me Ashes Go Loose, Lou 'The Dreaming' didgeridooist Rolf Harris has wobbled off this mortal coil at the age of 93 – or, as Kate Bush might put it, BANG goes another cancer on the lymph node of the man. He was known as a musician, whose hit 'Stairway to Heaven' was covered by Led Zeppelin, and a TV star, as seen on Rolf's Carking Club, Animal Hospice, and the educational video/cruel taunt 'Kids Can Say No!'. He also famously painted a portrait of Queen Elizabeth II, making him the only hit on 2023's Inverse Dead Pool who was officially commissioned to paint one of the hits on 2022's Inverse Dead Pool. (Ted Kaczynski's prison paintings of Dot Cotton were for his own personal use, and not official commissions.) In his spare time, he posted on the Deathlist forum under the username 'machotrouts', leaving the Inverse Dead Pool without a host upon his death; fortunately, the account has since been taken over by his Alzheimer's-addled wife. Just as my husband Rolf's popularity deteriorated with the public, as he became known for being the only old man ever to have groped teenagers in the 1970s, his popularity in this pool also declined, with last year's news of him being on his deathbed with neck cancer taking him down from #14 in the 2022 points tally to #43 this year. Three players apparently missed that news: @msc, @Wormfarmer, and @BabyBlue. Of course, if you're playing in Australian, you're actually going the right way up the leaderboard, and are doing very well in the Inverse Inverse Dead Pool. GAINED TOTAL = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. CaptainChorizo 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. Death Impends 0 = 1. Alcalina 0 = 1. Book 0 = 1. Annami 0 = 9. Spade_Cooley 1 = 10. diego 2 = 10. Sean 2 = 12. gcreptile 3 = 13. Grimgrass 4 = 13. Nick 4 = 13. machotrouts 4 ▲ 16. Captain Hemlock 7 ▲ 16. ThereWillBeDeaths7 7 ▲ 18. Summer in Transylvania 9 ▲ 18. BuffaloPhil 9 ▲ 18. Joey Russ 9 ▲ 21. Perhaps 10 ▲ 21. marinade 10 ▲ 23. Newjack 11 ▲ 23. The Unknown Man 11 ▲ 23. chilean way 11 ▲ 23. The Old Crem 11 ▲ 23. An Fear Beag 11 ▲ 28. Bibliogryphon 12 ▲ 29. deadsox 13 ▲ 29. Grim Up North 13 ▲ 31. Funeralopolis 14 ▲ 31. Toast 14 ▼ 33. BabyBlue +9 15 ▲ 33. MortalCaso 15 = 35. Hell 16 = 35. wannamaker 16 = 37. Pedro67 17 ▲ 38. Torva Messor 21 ▲ 38. MariNisia 21 ▲ 40. En Passant 22 ▲ 41. nantonian2013 23 ▲ 41. TQR 23 ▲ 43. CalebH 25 ▲ 43. TheSpinosaurus 25 ▲ 45. YoungWillz 26 ▲ 46. theoldlady 27 ▼ 47. msc +22 40 ▼ 47. Wormfarmer +15 40 ▲ 47. Sir Creep 40 = 50. machotrouts' mum 42

I put John Gorman on my #1 Hits DDP team in 2022 on the basis of a tweet by an apparent friend of his saying he'd emailed her "shocking news about his health" in 2020 and then gone incommunicado for months. Not much to go on but pretty ominous. Then he started performing again and I dropped him for 2023, but I did wonder about the nose in recent pics – certainly looks like he's been through something.