The Quim Reaper

For the benefit of the wonderful people of Kiribati, for whom 2019 hath landed (HNY!), here we have the list of the dead for the next 12 months, to begin when 2019 arrives in the land of GMT.

Matt ‘cock is now backing Johnson in the leadership contest. In the interests of the people, you understand, not his career. Yeah. My arris. Unprincipled toilet.

I wouldn't have thought he'll be in any danger imminently, but comedian & Chaser Paul Sinha has Parkinson's Disease.

His cancer appears to be in a 'holding pattern'. He'll go on for at least a couple more years, I reckon.

So sorry for your loss, drol. He’s no longer suffering. Take it easy.

Biblio, that’s terrible, I’m so sorry. Take it easy mate.

It's so deliberate, it's brilliant

I'm staggered, frankly. I just can't seem to despise Rory Stewart. I thought his campaign launch was very impressive. What a shame that, despite being the best candidate for a Prime Minister that might be able to calm our political vitriol down a tad and provide virtuous, measured leadership (fuck, I'm saying this about a Tory!), he's probably not quite Tory enough to get to the final ballot. My hopes lie with Stewart, but my money's on Jeremy Cunt Hunt.

Congratuwelldone to @theoldlady on reaching a thousand years old posts! Happy Twuntdom

Christ, I'd forgotten how good this is!

The drums on this are to die for.

Fuck sake. Less than 3 hours! Well done Clorox!

Genuinely I couldn’t have wished to have been twatted out of the competition by a lovelier and more worthy adversary. I shall be cheering from the grandstands for Bou

Good choice sir!

June: Micah Bowie (5) Ed Genson (5) Sunny Garcia (4) Leah Bracknell (4) Tom Long (3)

Lee Kerslake please

You're so easy to rile, it's embarrassing

Ouch. That cut me deep. Particularly being from the self-appointed intelligence adjudicator.

Or you could visit less often if so many things said on here aren’t up to your obviously stellar standard? Labour isn’t an ambiguous party, hence they were in with remain in the first chart; their policy is to offer a second referendum, with remain on the ballot, and about as many Labour MPs are pro-leave as Tory one’s pro-remain. Of course, analysing results is open to interpretation, and I agree, it shows what we already knew, that we are a divided nation. But when our elected MPs can’t get anything through parliament and pro-referendum/revoke parties are experiencing rising popularity (such as LD, CHUK, GRN, SNP), surely we should confirm our position as a country so we know exactly where we are before we get railroaded into doing something unhealthy and not exactly increasingly popular to our nation.

This is an interesting chart that interprets the results in a way that Führage and co. will doubtlessly ignore: Just to be sure, let's remove Labour & Conservatives from the equation:

The 'next phase of your life', so to speak, will be entirely what you make it. Get into your head what you most want from the next couple of years, and chase it. Make it happen. It's down to you now.

Sod Enter Sandman. This is Metallica's Mona Lisa.

Think Dominic Raab might be a sensible candidate for the next Tory leader and Prime Minister? Then shower your mind with this logic shampoo.

I'll have Hau this time please.

She's been a rock (in terms of emotion) for her entire career, so to see her sobbing today goes to show the inexorable headache of Brexit has taken its toll on her. She'll add years to her life by getting out now. She got so much wrong - her personal Brexit red lines strangled her - but not as much as the party behind her did. Much as I'd like to see the back of this Tory government, I do want to give her a hug, make her a nice cuppa and reassure her that she's not a bad person, just a bit shit at her job. But millions of fuckers are guilty of that.