runebomme

A man is poaching turtles to sell to the local restaurants, when a police man catches him . The cop says "it's illegal to poach turtles out of this river, they’re an endangered species”? The man says to the officer, “no this is my pet turtle. I bring him down here everyday and let him go for a swim. He swims across the river and back”. “Bullshit” the officer replies. So the man places the turtle in the water and says “watch this”. The turtle swims out and the two men are standing there waiting. Ten minutes goes past and the officer says “well where’s the turtle?”. The man replies ...“what turtle”?

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot

Brazil 2 Mexico 1 Belgium 1 Japan 2

"5-10 minutes late won't be any real problem" except if there has been a goal?

"He used me for sex" No, you used sex to get something else out of him and it didn't work.

Interesting that feminists are never feminine.

This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food ... I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.

messes with your head

Russia 2 Spain 1 Croatia 1 Denmark 2

France v Argentina 1-2 Uruguay v Portugal 0-1

this T shirt would have been more appropriate

when I noticed you replying to this thread I thought Kirk Douglas had died

the Russian dominants of half of Europe was not all that

1-2 Senegal v Colombia 2-1 Japan v Poland 2-1 England v Belgium 1-0 Panama v Tunisia

South Korea 1 Germany 2 Mexico 0 Sweden 1 Serbia 1 Brazil 3 Switzerland 2 Costa Rica 1

minus 20 outside and a bottle of finlandia you would laugh too

Stephen king reads one of his books

King rules

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

American teachers will now be armed with 9mm Glocks. Librarians will be issued silencers.

What a morning…… 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t made a snow woman. 8:15 I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the voluptuous chest on the snow woman. 8:20 The gay couple living across the street complained that it could have been two snowmen instead. 8:25 The neighbours on the left, who are vegans, complained that the orange nose, a carrot, this needs to be something else because food is for eating and not to decorate a snowman and woman with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 The husband of Fatima wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf. 8:40 The Police arrives to see what’s going on. 8.42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because this could be being used as a striking weapon. 8:50 The Salafi jihadist militant group Islamic State made itself known as the snowman. 8:52 My phone is being seized and thoroughly checked while I being blindfolded and flown to the Police station in a helicopter. 9:00 I am asked if I have any accomplices. Done with this!! I will never make a snowman, snow woman or snow whatever again. It’s too dangerous!! I wish everybody a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

Belgium 2 - 1 Tunisia South Korea 0 - 2 Mexico Germany 3 - 1 Sweden

can you still get an erection

I think that's the most disgusting joke I have ever heard

he has old mans fingers