TheFunkyPhantom

A photo of a rather elderly looking Danniella here,with,inset,a close up of her septum-free nose...well,I think it's her nose

Theresa May's father used to warn her not to run with abandon through the cotton fields lest she fell beneath the combine. And that's the limited of my modern political knowledge

Right.Thanks. They're numbers I won't be bothering to put down: six less! With your luck on my side,I should scoop the jackpot!

Christ! White socks Ewwwwww I can forgive him his Enoch Powell fanboy phase,but white terry socks?!!

Yep. BTW,have you got six numbers I can put down for tonight's Lotto?

Angela Douglas follows me on Twitter. I have NO idea why: my interests and hers are as diametrically opposed as you can get! Perhaps she has advanced dementia & is a name to watch for in 2019?

If it wasn't for those pesky Zimbabwean African People's Union kids,he would have got away with it

I think you'll find it's Ant who's doing it solo now that his missus has taken a hike into the wide blue yonder

Could have been me. Have I mentioned Eric Sykes teeing off on the 12th hole at Moor Park during the Jimmy Tarbuck Pro -Am and being 5/8th of a centimetre away from blasting my brains out??

Run?? He can barely stand up without someone helping him maintain his balance. I tell you,Theresa May doesn't hold anyone's hand-so it must have been reeaalll bad

A Roo dong would be a blessed relief compared to what's in store for him if he doesn't ask for Gazza's help to get him off the booze;he has his fishing rod waiting at the ready

Are Torvill & Dean doing the choreography?

Why is Philip Larkin riding a bicycle backwards while being watched over by a man with a false beard? This needs some Mansplaining...which, coincidentally,is a 'word' I detest to buggery. I mean,what's it with feminists these days?? Daddy issues,clearly 'post-coital' is another one that gets my hackles up. Just writing it down makes me feel all sleepy :-(

A lovely pair of boot buckle polishers

One suspects it was more of a financial arrangement aimed at giving one final kicking to the poor boys and girls of HMR&C than anything necessarily romantic in origin. Though I'm sure he had a highly pronounced sentimental side

She can butter my parsnips any day of the week...Mine's a no smoking household;but I'd happily buy an ashtray to have her round

Still 'servicing the community' beyond the grave,I see

All this loved up lovey doveyness is making me think I've been missing out all these years on something very special and precious indeed. I only receive one valentine's card per year;and have done for the last decade.Just the one. And the 2017 one arrived late too: on the following day. This year,however,I made sure I used a new pen and that the address was clear and legible this time...

Going out while at the top then?

To misquote Oscar Wilde by way of Lady Windermere's Fan: To die by one accidental penetration is carelessness;to die by two is misfortune indeed

Don't. That nearly happened to me.I was on the 8th tee with Sir Sean & Telly Savalas at a Pro-Am when a ball whizzed past my skull,kicking up a hank of hair over my ear along the way. It was only Eric bloody Sykes' shot. Whose idea was it to allow a blind man anywhere near a Nine Iron???

What a load of old cock

Unremarkable it may be,but it(along with the rest of Mr Cryer) has given pleasure to millions over the Home Service airwaves since 1952

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Quite a pedestrian list,tbh. Probably the least forward thinking of recent years and largely a carry over in a hope of picking up the 'fine particles' that keep repeatedly slipping through the net! 2018 might well prove to be a thin year for public oitpourings of faux grief and candlelit vigils: and therein lies the cerebral challange! Showbiz and politics are full of dissolute characters;with the former being of a seeming self destructive bent as soon as they get their first sniff of adulation.This should be like shooting fish in a barrel :-) My first impression of DL18 is of overwhelming indifference. Probably no more than nine-with the greater part of that only coming through towards the end of the year: traditionally known as pneumonia season when nursing home managers have a good clear out and place the beds of their most noisome charges under that window that never seems to fully close properly