Lard Bazaar

No no don’t, it’s right - everyone has a favourite child, and any parent that tells you they don’t is lying.

Secondary child? Is that like, one you don’t really like as much as the first?

Again, I absolutely would. Fearne, not Charlie.

I still absolutely would.

Malcolm Smith is 74 today.

You can’t possibly know whether it was a factor unless you were her doctor. Just because you drink to excess does not make it ‘probable’ you will die of breast cancer. There’s a difference between ‘increased risk’ and ‘probable’.

I would.

Coldfinger

Rats cocks!

That’s what I like, a straight answer for a straight question

Why isn’t there a Team of the Month for July? I’m desperate to know if I can milk that Tim Smith belter a bit longer

Dr No Pulse

Fuckin ell are you my grandad*? He used to say to me ‘eee Lard, that Boy George, he’s a right wally woofter’. That took me right back, that. *I know you’re not my grandad. Because he’s dead.

And therein lies the difference between us, Mary old chap - you deal in knowledgeable and interesting factual information and I go for the salacious shag-based gossip

She was, also Heidi Klum who he tubbed up but they split up straight away and Seal took over the fatherly duties.

I’d forgotten what an old fanny-rat he was, some of those past conquests definitely in the ‘so Debbie, what first attracted you to multi millionaire Paul Daniels’ camp.

There’s SPAM for that.

Oooo you seem like a nice boy

Nun in the bath, knock on the door ‘it’s the blind man’ a voice calls out. Nun thinks ‘that’s ok he can’t see me’ ’ok come in’ she calls. Man walks in ‘nice tits love, I’ve come to hang your blinds’.

Shut that door.

It wasn’t just mass messages, it was individual ones as well. You’re right, it shouldn’t bother me. The heat is obviously making me especially sensitive today.

So do I, but not in unprovoked personal messages to other members. I’ve said it before, absolutely no point in banning these people when they’re just allowed to re-register straight away.

Only a matter of hours before he’s re-registered, I’m sure. It would be tolerable if it was in the least bit amusing but it’s the same boring old shit every time.

Well apparently I’m a cunt that needs to go and wank off to a picture of a gibbon. Which would have been deeply offensive but for the fact that it’s already my number one hobby.

I was the lucky recipient of my very own personal abuse after deleting the group message