Lard Bazaar

Happy Birthday AtJ!

What fun

Come on Win, you can tell us, we're not easily shocked. I bet it's not half as dodgy as what we imagine it to be anyway. And I can absolutely guarantee that it's not half as dodgy as some of the real life things that happen on this forum - you didn't come to DeathCon 2 did you? I can only surmise that you've finally succumbed to the temptations of that scabby old bag lady of Fraserburgh, my mum. Was she good?

Be me

Well there's absolutely no question - cash in!

1.46 miles I've got 8 within 2 miles.

Mmm, now that gives me an idea......

Happy Birthday Lawro

Has anyone got this guy's number? Are you Aldridge Pryor from Viz?

Faith No More, 28 November 1992, Birmingham NEC During 'Everything's Ruined', practically every seat in the venue was ripped up and thrown on the stage - at the time, it was the brilliantest thing I'd ever seen. Rock n roll!

Kerryn McCann receives obituary from the Guardian. It's very sad. I was hoping she could defeat it. We must treasure all the days we live and value all that we have in our lives. Bloody hell - I agree with Banshees. You're right, you must take every opportunity thrust at you in this godforsaken existence. I must go and lay down in a darkened room with a bottle of Chardonnay.

Hmm. I only asked because Im sure I read somewhere that this spot was a prime location for bonking couples to be "observed" by men ( who, purely by chance, were coming from miles around to walk their dogs). I do appologise if I gave the impression that men only went there to practice the ancient art of fudge packing. Nothing to do with the practice, like Richard Gere, of sticking a dog up your fundament then. Or was it Germaine Greer and a ferret? Now that is spooky. Today, I was seriously considering creating a thread devoted to celebrity gossip. For example the "alleged" squeaky clean female celebrity ( quite old now and much respected) a turd and a young mans chest ( or pillow depending on what you read). One of our highly respected members related that one to me a while back. You obviously have the mind of a sewer or surf into some very strange places. Either way, another quality post from you sir. I think it was me who mentioned that story wasn't it. If not well, "Give Us a Clue?" Una Stubbs shitted on someone's chest, a la Cleveland Steamer? I'll only believe that with pictorial evidence. Facebook group http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7360267018 That has just made my day.

Hmm. I only asked because Im sure I read somewhere that this spot was a prime location for bonking couples to be "observed" by men ( who, purely by chance, were coming from miles around to walk their dogs). I do appologise if I gave the impression that men only went there to practice the ancient art of fudge packing. Nothing to do with the practice, like Richard Gere, of sticking a dog up your fundament then. Or was it Germaine Greer and a ferret? Now that is spooky. Today, I was seriously considering creating a thread devoted to celebrity gossip. For example the "alleged" squeaky clean female celebrity ( quite old now and much respected) a turd and a young mans chest ( or pillow depending on what you read). One of our highly respected members related that one to me a while back. You obviously have the mind of a sewer or surf into some very strange places. Either way, another quality post from you sir. I think it was me who mentioned that story wasn't it. If not well, "Give Us a Clue?" Una Stubbs shitted on someone's chest, a la Cleveland Steamer? I'll only believe that with pictorial evidence.

Hear hear, especially as her London Look seems to incorporate rotten teeth.

Luckily I was outbid. Some other poor sod has bought a forged item saving my feedback score and my bank balance from taking a bashing. For the record, I do usually bid and pay with no questions asked. This was a one off where the nerves got to me... Feedback doesn't matter anyway, sellers can't leave negative for buyers any more, so as a buyer you can twat around as much as you like without fear of a little red dot! I don't bother with Ebay anymore, used to sell a lot, can't be arsed now - you pay more and more in fees, you are forced to use Paypal (thieving f*****g bastards they are) and you get f**ked around by buyers left right and centre. Much less hassle to go down Poundland.

I'd like to put Sod's Law in here. Yesterday morning we could not find the garage key. Not anywhere. And we don't have a spare. Looked high and low, could not find the bloody thing. And there isn't another access into the garage. My tumble dryer and all the animal paraphernalia is in there, so we did need to get in there. I could have busted the lock I suppose, but it would still have needed replacing if I did, so, eventually, reluctantly, I call my friend who is a locksmith, and got him to come over and change the lock. Only thirty quid, but thirty quid nonetheless. You know the rest of the story. Within 4 nanoseconds of him driving off, found the old f*****g key. Why does that happen? Who invented the law that says whenever you buy a new whatever, the old lost whatever turns up within minutes? Well whoever did invent it, I hope you're happy - you've just stolen thirty quid's worth of toys out of my children's Christmas stocking, you evil, child-hating bastard! And then to top that off, my car went on the blink yesterday. Just imagine, I might have to WALK to work tomorrow - that's just outrageous.

Berocca - I think this one's quite clever.

People I Was Surprised To Find Are Still Alive - myself. I think my liver has finally packed up after this weekend. My skin is yellow, my tongue is white, my bowels are looser than Jodie Marsh's minge, I have double vision and am not sure where I live. I'd definitely get an obit in my local paper too, does that count?

Oh piss off you moron, no-one's heard of any of these people. Slightly harsh, I feel. Just because you haven't heard of them, doesn't mean nobody has. And we are a universal site, are we not, so why shouldn't American deaths be reported? Consider when Wendy Richard dies - that will be a massive story here, but nobody in America will know who she is, so it works both ways. I'll wager a lot of people look at this site without actually posting, so it may have been useful information for someone.

At last, someone else that thinks Diana was sh*t, and, along your lines, we've been calling her Happy Shopper Dido. I couldn't give a crap who wins, but I think Eggnog will.

I know they've been on for ages, but all of a sudden tonight, I really have the urge to garotte Kerry Katona and Coleen Nolan on those f*****g awful Iceland adverts - my heart was slightly softened by the appearance of Jason Donovan in one of them, but now it's the f*****g profiteroles and bhajis one that has really pulled my pisser. Please, someone, put the two of them out of our misery.

I feel this thread has gone off-topic somewhat. Please can some mod or another remove all the offending irrelevancies.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#...gid=48379449776 Try that. Actually that might not work - the group is called Deathlist.net

But you can still 'flick the switches on however many times you like' - no 'sodding about' with them necessary - so surely you just walk on in, flick the switches however many times you like, and you will find the one that controls the light? LB, the switches are outside the room. You cannot see inside the room when you flick the switches. Only once you've finished flicking them, can you enter the room to see the result of your switch flickery. You cannot nip back out and have another go once you are in. Ah, well it didn't say the switches were outside the room, if it had said that in the first place I would have known the answer.