Lard Bazaar

Who's that man in the picture - he looks like Brad Pitt in 20 or 30 years time. Ah, I see now that it is Jacques himself.

There was a girl in my daughter's nursery called Treacle. Parents like this need a slap.

Only 42?

I would quite like to have dinner with some of the DL forum members, there is a wealth of information between everyone, whichever subject comes up for discussion there always seems to be someone who is well-versed on the subject, which makes for some very interesting discussions. You bunch of clever-clogs

Woohoo, with my Bernard Manning points I'm =140th. I've got this in the bag, suckers, you may all just as well quit now.

Hurrah, my very first DDP hit!

Bruce Willis in the Die Hard films and the voice in the Look Who's Talking films? This might not be right, as I haven't googled!

Chesney Hawkes? Chesney Hawkes will die of suffocation when that big wart thing on his face grows to titanic proportions and smothers his big horsey face so much that he can't breathe. Mark my words. I can see that happening to Amanda Holden, her wart/ beauty spot will consume her when it gets hungry. Why is she on Britain's Got Talent? What qualifies her to be a judge of talent? And Piers Morgan?

I had to perform fur surgery on my guinea pig today. We have four boy guinea pigs, one of whom is asserting his male dominance over one other and humping him all the time. Well today he left his very own special mess all over the back of the other one, and, as is well known, guinea pig spunk sets hard like glue very quickly, so I had to bathe the poor thing to try and loosen up the jizz, and then cut the fur off. Not to be outdone, my sister then took ill and I had to take her up the hospital to see the out of hours doctor, and I had to carry her wee sample through casualty, as she was delirious and couldn't walk properly and carry it herself. And all this before I'd even had my tea. Anyone else like to shower me in their bodily fluids today?

Well that's all right then. I think you made that bit up and put it in to see if anyone read the whole list.

Chesney Hawkes? Chesney Hawkes will die of suffocation when that big wart thing on his face grows to titanic proportions and smothers his big horsey face so much that he can't breathe. Mark my words.

Bloody hell. He's only 67 ... he looks at least 10 years older. I agree, I was quite surprised at his age too. I hope he doesn't peg it though, I quite like old Jim.

No prizes for guessing what you're doing with your right hand when your left hand is typing then, eh? That was another joke, by the way. Smiley thing, see?

Ooooer missus.

Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: High Antisocial: Low Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Kurt Cobain That's the problem with these quizesque threads Ronaldo - a bit of googling and bob's your uncle. I would imagine that 90% of skinhead bands (not to mention other Nazi-sympathisers like Bowie) have ditties about Adolf. Kurt Waldheim not so much, but he should at least inspire a poem of thanks from one or other of us death-starved 'Listers. well, after a full two minutes of research into the comprehensive list on the link so kindly posted by LB, I would conclude the following: 1. no one, including the performers themselves, has heard of the vast majority of those songs; 2. virtually none of them mention Kurt Cobain's name; 3. for many of the songs it's a total stretch to say they were inspired by or in any way linked to Burt Kocain, unless he now has total ownership of the concept of troubled males with suicidal thoughts/tendancies, etc. I'll start us off. Bette Davis is mentioned in "Vogue", "Bette Davis Eyes" and "Celluloid Heroes" by The Kinks. Damn, it took me ages to find that list as well... He's definitely mentioned in Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Me and My Monkey by Robbie Williams.

Kurt Cobain

Okay, here's one for discussion: cocker a person who promotes or patronizes cockfights. Origin: 1680–90; (Game)cock + er, i.e., gamecock fancier spaniel 13c., as a surname meaning "Spaniard;" as a name for a breed of dog of Sp. Origin, c.1386, from O.Fr. espagneul, lit. "Spanish (dog)," from V.L. *Hispaniolus "of Spain," dim. of L. Hispanus "Spanish, Hispanic" I therefore conclude that a "Cocker Spaniel" [qv] is literally a Hispanic person who fancies cocks. Discuss at your leisure. Ricky Martin? (I know technically he's probably not Hispanic, but he's definitely a cock fancier.)

Insult. Cold blood. Your very crude. And your either a big black mother who has fourteen children and who weighs 464 pounds, or your a beautiful model who waits on page three in Rolling Stone magazine. But I know one thing, no matter who you are ,your looking to antagonize me, and I'm telling you right now Lard Bazarr it is not your day. Because tonight I've actually realized something, it wasn't Monoclinic who I wanted to call crude, I was dead wrong. I wasn't using my head, I meant to say you. I will be apologetic and say 'Monoclinic I put you in a place that wasn't your own, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to make it public but what the hell, opportunities are born everyday. Keep your hair on, love, it was a joke - hence the big smiley thing at the end of the sentence. Blimey.

Suzy Lamplugh.

Does this count as elephantitis? Gosh, he's every woman's dream. Oh no, hang on, that's Banshees.

Lard, s'cuse the prying but.....is this a reference to your unwillingness to travel to a Scottish town and visit an auld slapper, or do you genuinely have a mobility issue? No, I genuinely have a bad leg. And I'm a fat bastard.

Perhaps you should show your mother this guide, seems to point out the places for slappers to hang about . She'll find her way without a guide, she's drawn to slaghaunts like flies are drawn to sh*t. The only thing I'd like to show her is a shovel squarely to the face.

Mine's 5565 - it went up because I'm colorblind, because I've had surgery and because I have a mobility issue. Nice to know my crippled remains might come in handy to someone. If only they did it with a price per pound of weight, I'd be worth a flippin' fortune.

She's a cock addict, and believe me, she has been approached for the Jeremy Kyle show amongst others. And that's the goddamn truth. You'll know her if you see her Windsor, long grey-haired tramp-lady shacked up with a long-haired toothless know-it-all twat who is only with her because she can afford a house up there where his family lives and he can't afford a cup of f*****g tea, guv'nor. Either steer well clear unless you want to contract syphilis, or go visit her and give her a good slap from me.