Lard Bazaar

FTFY

My interpretation of what? Elon Musk and his bird? I wouldn’t fuck him and she needs a bath, I thought I made that quite clear.

No no no. ME, I started on about who I would and wouldn’t fuck because that’s what I always do! Toast is a decent person and would not stoop to such low level shit posting like that!

No I didn’t. I made a ‘someone wearing black lipstick joke’. But if the leather cap fits.....

I think that’s definitely NOT the last one Toast touched, you absolute cheesegland.

Same

Of course I have, many times, but usually from something rather more solid and less brown

Well I’m going to go one better and name my next one Shitflake UB40 Blunderbuss The 7th, that will get me some attention (from a psychiatrist probably).

She looks like she needs a fucking good wash. Looks like they are all boys, Nevada (deceased), Damian, Griffin, Xavier, Saxon, Kai and Mr Unpronounceable. So the others are perhaps not run of the mill but not totally whack job like the latest.

Honestly? Not really. It was tasty enough but not at the expense of the complete destruction of my anus.

The complete obliteration of the county town of Wiltshire and surrounding areas following one woman’s consumption last night of a can of Bubblegum flavoured fizzy pop, which has resulted this morning in a case of diarrhoea that is rivalling the eruption of Vesuvius, that tsunami from Boxing Day and the Hiroshima thing in its forceful flow and deadly destruction.

Urgh no thanks, he displays no attributes that would make my flaps open for him. I realise I miscounted his kids however upon research he did sadly lose a child to cot death so technically seven is right. His surviving children are twins, triplets and a single one. Which reminds me of that thing ‘how many beans make five - two and a half, one and a half, and a whole one’. Either way I definitely would not fuck him.

I don’t really know who this boy is but of course he’s been all over Twitter because of the absolutely fucking dickish name of one of his thousands of kids (who needs seven fucking kids?) and without even opening his mouth he just looks like he’s not a very nice person.

Either way you’d get one out of three right.

I tried to set my friend Pat up with a bloke who looked like Willie Thorne once, in a nightclub called Oscars that used to be in the grounds of Longleat. I always think of Pat and Oscars when I see Willie Thorne’s name. Both Pat and Oscars are dead now. Make of that what you will.

The birds are in the roof but the cats are old and don’t move anywhere let alone up a roof. The lazy wankers sleep on the fucking dining table all day long and only move to shit and eat. A somewhat familiar routine in our house, I must admit.

Anyone know anything about birds? Specifically when I can get the noisy cunts moved out of my attic? I’ve googled but am still not clear on the rules. I’m laid here in bed and they are running round above my head like a herd of buffalo.

Ah rat’s fucking cocks.

We can live in hope.

I love Rev Rich, I’m not religious by any means but his voice is so soothing I am happy to listen to his readings whatever they are about.

I forgot about this thread, back at the end of January he did an ‘evening with’ type thing at the venue my daughter works at and she said he was absolutely hammered and his ‘security’ blokes were cunts. I imagine lockdown and being dumped will do him no favours.

Very sorry to hear of your loss, good wishes to you.

Is he Iain? He fancied me I reckon. Come back Iain!

Well each to his own. But if my old man grew one I’d kick him straight in the balls.