Lard Bazaar

Someone that owns a penis should not also own a ponytail.

I spent sixty pounds on an ear thermometer.

There’s only one person I love. Me.

There’s a lot of talk here by adults about what is essentially children’s television - because no actual grown up watches this bunch of ass, do they?

Jealousy is an ugly trait.

She is. Fucking ugly too

Agreed - I find it quite nauseous. A woman (I say woman, she’s an immature female) that my daughter works with got her boyfriend to take a picture of her clapping last week then posted it on FB with the caption ‘I was out there first!’ wearing her ‘uniform’ which is in fact a uniform for a child’s nursery that has not even been open for five weeks. Attention seeking at its finest.

No idea, it’s not about anyone in particular, there just seems an abundance of needy fucking pricks out there at the moment.

‘Key worker’. That’s lovely that you’re a nurse or a carer or a fireman but you do not have to start EVERY SINGLE POST on any form of social media with ‘I’m a key worker’ - ‘I’m a key worker where can I get my headlight fixed’ ‘I’m a key worker is there any florists open’ ‘I’m a key worker does anyone know if Superdrug has any Anusol in stock - I couldn’t give a fuck if you’re a ‘key worker’, it has NO RELEVANCE to your post. My need for Anusol is just as valid as yours, just because I’m not a ‘key worker’ I’m still having to work every day so fuck off with your attention seeking hero bollocks.

I’d never noticed your user name before - very well done

Be quiet you he is the young hot fit piece of ass exception to my shaven headed rule (apart from long haired Grohl who I would bang like a shithouse door in the wind)

Impossible! I be dripping like a fucked fridge mate!

Too pretty for my liking. I like a bit of rough.

Yeh because I love shitting through the eye of a needle the day after a skinful.

I wish I had, my Lord, I wish I had. The last gig I went to was Supergrass in February. Was supposed to see Harry Styles last week but obvs that was cancelled and supposed to see Guns N Roses next month at your hallowed turf Tottingham United but that has gone to fuck too.

Going to see Queen with Adam Lambert is like going to see the Royal Family and finding that Su Pollard has taken over Liz’s gig.

There have been some benefits from this lockdown then.

My sister in law has met him and said he’s a right cunt.

Hurray. I’m a big fat bitch whose chin and cleavage have no discernible borderline so I’m absolutely going to die.

Soapy? I’d be quite happy if someone insulted me with ‘soapy’.

See I don’t even like the taste, I’ve only ever drink alcohol to get drunk - a fruity vodka in a jug of fruit juice and ice in the summer is quite refreshing but wine or beer doesn’t taste nice to me.

This is true although it wasn’t a conscious decision, there just wasn’t an occasion that warranted a skinful and now we can’t go out so I’ve just not bothered. I don’t miss it. I’ve thought of cracking one open at the weekends but I just can’t be bothered. I always feel like shit for two days after and I also have realised that most people when drunk are complete fucking assholes and I don’t want to be like that, my old man turns into the biggest cunt living when he’s had a drink and it’s really not attractive. I’m gonna stick to pizza I think.

When a friend was a student nurse, she had a patient who was a neighbour of Bernard Cribbins - the old chap had no other friends or family but Bernard visited him regularly. When the patient died, Bernard sent the nurses a hamper to thank them for their care, but not of chocolates or flowers but of useful things that student nurses of the 1970s needed like tea bags, toiletries and tights. What a jolly good egg.

He’s not in prison. Which is a good thing as it will be easier for me to stab the cunt when the time comes.