Lard Bazaar

The day the absolute cunt that my sister was unfortunate enough to have procreated with dies I will fucking celebrate, I’ll dance on the cunt’s grave. He physically and emotionally abused her while she was dying and had absolutely no defence, and then robbed her kids blind while harassing me and my dad on a daily basis for the last several years moaning about how much inconvenience her death has caused for him. So yeh, I’ll be celebrating a death and it can’t come quick enough.

Is it still a programme? I thought they killed it off. I love a good quiz show.

Might I suggest Anthea Turner?

Tango faced shopping legend Dale Winton, this day in 2018

Despite trying my best I’ve still not had a drink since New Years Eve. I’ll be a well cheap date when I do fall off the wagon.

Agreed, that doesn’t look good, but I’m definitely not as convinced as I once was. I realise not all the evidence could be shown in a scaled down drama and that some things were changed for dramatic effect, but if I was on that jury I couldn’t in good faith say guilty beyond all reasonable doubt. i believe they don’t live too far away from here and we sometimes see them trading jewellery at the local Christmas markets.

Did anyone else watch Quiz, about the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire alleged cheats? I used to think they were guilty as fuck but now I’m not so sure. It does all seem rather far fetched. Another cracking performance by Michael Sheen.

I must be a picture of health! (I’m not - my head is on fire, my body is exhausted AND I’m off my food - that’s ALWAYS a guarantee that I’m not feeling myself )

Nor is rolling your car into a field at speed.

I’m not even a grandma yet despite me telling Lard the Youngest to pull her finger out (that might be where she’s going wrong actually?).

I can’t see the harm in spam.

I thought I was coming down with the covids at the weekend but it’s now become apparent that it’s more likely the menopause. I’m fucking burning from the neck up, cold from the neck down apart from my fanny which has gone into overdrive and I’ve lost the ability to form words into coherent sentences. If this is what I’ve got to put up with for the next few years then I think I’d rather end my days in the Nightingale.

Thank you. I’m here all week.

I’ve found the most effective way to untangle drifters is to squat over a mirror with an Afro comb.

I cannot lie - there are seven shelves, with a grand total of nine books - the rest are filled with photos, crappy trinkets, and various bottles of alcohol and drinking glasses

We listened to the Christmas one with Greg Davies, I usually listen when I’m cooking tea and washing up and heard this one a week or two back and it was so funny I insisted on listening again today. Absolutely love it!

I have dusted my bookshelves today whilst listening to the Off Menu podcast with Ed Gamble and James Acaster, while the old man is sewing his work trousers up. We might play dominos later, except he’s very competitive and I have won Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit over the weekend so I think he might pussy out.

To be fair I’ve been called a lot worse, I’m fairly happy with that.

It’s easy, just lift up my skirt and there they are, right by my knees. The irony of you calling someone else a ‘self-appointed arbiter of the forums’ though.

Windsor, middle aged? Fuck me, what does that make LFN, medieval?

I can send you our two cats if you’re hungry, I fucking hate them as well.

I wouldn’t have one. I don’t like them, stinky fucking dribbling bad breath shitting everywhere. I’ve got a husband for that.

Anyway this has been kind of hijacked, it’s Windsor’s turn, I’d much rather listen to him rip into you as he’s much better at it than all of us.

I haven’t even got a dog.

Coming from the king of tedious insults. Read the shit you like, ignore the shit you don’t.