Lard Bazaar

Interesting, I’m also allergic to penicillin and am a child of the 70s. 1970s for the avoidance of doubt.

Hmmm Ive just had a cancellation of a comedy show in a tiny theatre in Basingstoke cancelled for May, I just can’t see they’ll allow 4000 on a boat going through all those different places.

Three week cruise to Spain, France, Italy, Malta, Gibraltar and Portugal.

Fucksake they are definitely going to cancel my holiday in May aren’t they

Colin Baddiel’s been whipped to hospital according to David on Twitter, a complication with a catheter.

Mongoloid is one of my favourite words.

Shit.

Has no one realised most of the replies are sarcasm?

A relative of mine used to reprimand me for swearing in front of their kid, because ‘they’ll copy you’- they did not take kindly to me telling them that if they’d parented them properly they would know not to use swear words. I did not curtail my swearing in front of my own kids and I’m extreme proud to say they are both in their 20s and complete potty mouths now.

I looked at it in the middle of the night and can’t even remember to be honest, it was something like a string of emojis and a complaint telling me to stop swearing. Which, let’s be honest, is like telling Vanessa Feltz to lay off the pies - never gonna happen.

‘Precum’ is the foulest word in the English language.

Neither have I but that’s because I’m a miserable bitch who avoids Christmas songs.

Ah, it’s that time of year again where I can make tedious predictable comments about ‘wishing I was waking up with 7 inches’ and ‘being covered in a layer of thick white stuff’. Merry Christmas!

Right. Ok.

Ah, I’ve just re-read this entire thread, haven’t we all had fun! Well, up until February this year..... I’ve missed Harry Styles, David Baddiel, Chris Ramsey and Guns N Roses this year, all rescheduled to next year. Harry is supposed to be in March but I really can’t see it happening. Fucksake.

What do you think you’re going to find on someone’s profile? There’s literally fuck all of any interest on them. Who actually cares who looks at their profile? And why would you care if someone can see you’ve clicked on theirs?

Did her doctor say to her on diagnosis ‘I’m afraid urine trouble’?

I totally think she’ll be hearing the Sound of 6ft Underground next year.

Harsh. Whatever he did/didn’t do, both were intelligent women who made the decision to use heroin. He can’t be held responsible for their choices.

Cor, what I’d give for a man with fingers that wide

Not least Heather Mills.

Now I do agree with providing sanitary wear for those that can’t afford it. It’s an absolute fucking disgrace that these are taxed (in England at least) as ‘luxury’ items. There is nothing luxurious about teenage girls having to stuff their underwear with the inner cardboard tube of a toilet roll because they can’t afford sanitary towels. I’d much rather see my tax spent on Tampax than Jacob Rees-Mogg’s latest expenses claim, and I’m desperately trying to think of a ‘stuck up cunts’ joke here.

I’m becoming increasingly fucked off with this canonisation of NHS workers. They are not the sole profession to have ‘kept the country running’ this year - social care staff, retail workers, utility workers, child care providers, loads of different sectors have carried on providing essential services, where’s the bonuses for them? I could not give a monkey’s dick if you’re a ‘key worker’. I’m not a ‘key worker’, but I’ve worked continuously throughout this year, actually putting in more hours than I’m paid for, where’s my bonus? I don’t deserve one for simply doing my job.

You sick fuck

Can you believe Billy Idol is 65 today, and I’d still bang the shit out of him.