Madame Defarge

I got you something to keep your ****** in. Hope you had a great day!

Have you ever thought about selling some of your computers, Anubis? That way, when my friends are talking about how great their Macs are, I can say - over my shoulder, with equal parts pity and nonchalance- 'You still gotta Mac?? I just got myself a new JACKAL!'

And I'm thankful that the Giants don't.

I'm sorry for your loss, Godot. Even though I don't actually know you, I strongly suspect you added a lot of fun and mischief to his life on this earth, so please remember that.

Yusan isn't too bad, but I doubt it will catch on. Failing that, imagine trying to say "United Statesian" if you have a lisp, or while half-lit?

Today I would like to give thanks to my ancestor, William, who left the Welsh Marshes 3 centuries ago and arrived on the shores of the New World with his wife and 5 children. I know that he was about 50 years old and that he settled in what is now Connecticut. I don't know if he was fleeing religious persecution or the hangman's noose, or both. Perhaps he was just an adventurer looking for something new and dangerous, which he found. Looking at him through squeamish 21st century eyes, I have no doubt that what little I know of William's life would be more than enough to set the politically correct faction reeling to the floor in horror. He was one of the participants in a bloody fight with Native Americans in Connecticut. There is some evidence that he was no stranger to the taverns and he had a few fines levied against him for libel and civic unrest. He built a mill and worked in it, had lots and lots of grandchildren and ended his life as a sexton. He could have been my first deathlister ancestor. William's descendants included pirates, Quakers, farmers, soldiers of fortune and a delegate in Massachusetts who refused to ratify the Constitution without the inclusion of a Bill of Rights. I have no idea if my own life would have been better or worse if William had not made the decision to board the ship which brought him and his family to these shores so many years ago. I would have been a completely different person anyway so it doesn't matter. I am neither proud nor ashamed of my ancestry because I had no say in it, but I am terribly proud of my ancestors and the impossible and probably foolhardy courage it must have taken for them to embark for parts unknown and start a new life and build a new country. Like Deadsox, I love living in a place where I can vote and speak my mind without getting arrested by goons. That there is no small pertatoes. Thank you, Bill.

I don't know about the drowning thing, but speaking as one who has given birth twice, I think it's bollocks. It hurts enough having a big sh*t - to not realise you've just passed a BABY through your fanny is, to my mind, absolutely impossible. The only plausible way I can think this could happen is that if the baby was very premature - not the case in this story. And of course, as you say, the umbilical cord is still hanging out of you after the baby is born, it takes another few pushes to pass the placenta. There is no way she didn't know. At my grandfather's wake a woman came up to me and started talking to me about my grandparents. Then she said this: Your grandmother saved my life when I was a baby. I thought she meant she was choking or something and my grandmother saved her. Nope. According to this lady, my grandmother plucked her out of the loo seconds after she was born. When we got home I wouldn't let the story go and kept questioning my parents about it. Finally they told me that the pregnant lady lived next door to my grandparents, and was crazy as a bedbug.

Hmmm. It sounds like verbal mulch, like the results of an online translator. I wonder what the original language was before it went into the processor. And it can't be a coincidence that it mentions star-crossed. So it might be an actual person, maybe a German, posting as 'Ein Liver'. Curiouser and curiouser. Madame Defarge Private Investigator

I would guess, having met the odd headhunter, that they would favour a munchkin as there would be a less of a storage problem in a warm climate. Portage would also be simpler. My headhunter friends were especially attracted to the brain. Given the choice between a Banshees Scream and a munchkin I think they would go for the munchkin every time. They might always prefer a munchkin, since munchkins are most likely a bit sweeter. Probably go best with a side portion of baby peas and a dry Chianti.

their hairy, boil-encrusted

If there is, it must be the place that Randy Newman was hangin' out in when he wrote this: Gods's Song Cain slew Abel, Seth knew not why For if the children of Israel were to multiply Why must any of the children die? So he asked the Lord And the Lord said: "Man means nothing, he means less to me than the lowiliest cactus flower or the humblest yucca tree he chases round this desert cause he thinks that's where i'll be that's why i love mankind I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee from the squalor and the filth and the misery How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me That's why i love mankind" The Christians and the Jews were having a jamboree The Buddhists and the Hindus joined on satellite TV They picked their four greatest priests And they began to speak They said "Lord the plague is on the world Lord no man is free The temples that we built to you Have tumbled into the sea Lord, if you won't take care of us Won't you please please let us be?" And the Lord said And the Lord said "I burn down your cities--how blind you must be I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we You must all be crazy to put your faith in me That's why i love mankind You really need me That's why i love mankind"

I think you could squeeze at least nine good tracks out of Blondie's ( Appearing now ! in the Valley of Picture Association ) Parallel Lines: 1. Hanging On The Telephone 2. One Way Or Another 3. Picture This 4. Fade Away And Radiate 5. Pretty Baby 6. I Know But I Don't Know 7. 11:59 8. Will Anything Happen? 9. Sunday Girl 10. Heart Of Glass 11. I'm Gonna Love You Too 12. Just Go Away It would be even nicer if I could take my Magic Sonic Tweezers to pluck a few of those out, maybe 'I'm Gonna Love You Too' and '11.59' , and plug in 'Rapture and 'Atomic' but that would be cheating.

Last time I looked at a map, Africa was a continent, not a country. So which of the countries' flags do you refer to? Also, I know several people who voted for McCain. I'm sure that the fact that they are racists is purely coincidental.

Racism is part of our past; it's a sad, tired relic from the days of our fathers and grandfathers. Time to put it to rest, I think.

Excuse me, but this has to come out ...WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! You know what I'm tired of? Pundits and commentators remarking over Obama's cool collected demeanor. Compared to what? Can we agree that this has been so far a very hysterical decade?* Oh, the hollering, the jumping on couches, the endless river of big wet crocodile tears flowing just about every time you turn on the telly... I mean, you know you haven't made it as a celeb unless you've teared up during a few 60 Minutes interviews. So compared to this ruckus naturally our president elect is a bit reserved. *Yes I know I said WHEEE but I was very restrained in my use of color and font.

Obama is now the projected winner in Ohio. They're saying that no Republican has ever won the presidency without it. Sweet dreams Windsor ( and Godot if you're still awake). I think it's a wrap.

Thank goodness for that. I think Lady Grendel has one too, perhaps if she brings it along as well we can do without Anubis' one until it turns up. I can only assume my kids have pinched it, but I can't get hold of them at the moment. Probably out demanding sweeties with menaces. You know, this might be a good time for someone to consider investing in one of these thingamabobs for not losing stuff. Especially ATJ.