Tuber Mirum

Hmm... Could be Tribbles in your dilithium crystals. On the other hand, your shock absorbers could be worn out. Causing parts of the body to rub against moving bits. (bit of double-entendre there for Josco and his kind) If you're lucky it might just be a foreign body or lots of mud in the wheel arches. Or something. Unlikely to be anything to do with magic Logs, unless you have been transporting many of these recently. I should have a reputable mechanic take a look at it, if one is to be found in Wales. Pleased to see you registered.

Please! Sleeping magic logs! Is there another kind? And if so, how do they differ from the magic ones? (size, colour, smell etc.,)

Surely this is an old Yorkshire word for the long-forgotten role of professional turkey cook? Thought to have derived from a shortening of sentences describing their role e.g. "Ey up, aa'm t'man oo bastes them turkeys" which in time became t'baster man which in some regions was then corrupted into Bastertman. Well that's my theory anyway! Trouble with that theory is that it doesn't make any sense. I mean his Holiness isn't exactly renowned for his turkey-basting activities, is he now? Not even in the figurative sense. Particularly not in the figurative sense, in fact.

Could this thread be turning into a Wish List ? In the immortal words of Gilbert & Sullivan: I've got a little list (Actually it's a bloody big one) As you can see, Condi is on there already. The word "banjo" is not original. Gilbert wrote a different word which is nowadays not considered PC. And I don't mean "Trombone" either.

Don't know who she thinks she's kidding.

Hate to be pedantic Josco, but shouldn't it be: "In the immortal words of W.S. Gilbert as set to music by Arthur S. Sullivan"?

Guilty as sin, it would seem!

That would in effect amount to having an infinite number of virgins at your disposal, but no more than 72 present at any given time. Which would be sufficient for most people. Probably. PS: There are doctors here in Germany who are a dab hand with the needle and thread and can restore a woman's virginity. It's very much in demand for Turkish girls who grew up here and then go back home to get married. That might be come in handy if there were ever a shortage of virgins in paradise. No sign of a similar treatment for men yet though.

Yet another vote for long life and prosperity! Obviously Mr Josco isn't the only Tory on the list.

Condoleezza Rice. She could go in 2005 as far as I care. In fact I would prefer it. Pity she isn't ill or anything. I'm sure if she were to die, they couldn't possibly find anyone worse to fill her place. Concert pianist my arse anyway.

Typical U.S over-reaction to normal teenage over-reaction. Don't you hate those "parental advisory" stickers on CD covers? Forced on there by hypocritical mid-west bible-fascists. On the other hand, I'm gradually coming to the belief that kids who listen to Marilyn Manson are more likely to become murderers than those who don't. Shame you can't play CD's backwards to get the satanic messages like you could with vinyl records.

Let sleeping logs lie, I would say.

No, three are. Assuming you don't believe that Paul is dead, then you have Paul, Ringo and Jacko. Look at Death Watch Beatle's Avatar if you don't believe me.

Did you hear him giving that blessing? No disrespect to the old man, but he sounded exactly like Darth Vader. There are rumours that he recorded the blessing earlier and was miming to the recording. Perhaps he was in fact already dead on Sunday morning and they were working him with sticks to make him move a la Muppet Show.

Richard Baker was born on the 15th of June 1925. He has recently retired as patron of the British Wireless for the Blind Fund on account of "advancing years". Not yet a sign that he might die soon though.

The young people here in Germany have a saying: "I know nothing, I can do nothing- Give me a uniform!" You are living in the past mate. The Good old Days (crappy music-hall TV show) have always been better since the beginning of time. We should be grateful to our Indian immigrants for their contribution to British cuisine; slightly less so to the Turks.

Don't forget the illiterates, too.

How is Richard Baker anyway? And Kenneth Kendall for that matter. He was on the list quite a bit a few years ago.

I'm looking forward to the discussions which will arise when Waldheim finally goes for tea with Adolf.

I can think of one, but I'd hate to tempt fate by mentioning his name. Talk of the devil and all that.

It's natural and probably desirable to support one's own "tribe" and to be suspicious of others who may be a threat. Unfortunately our natural and healthy suspicion for the foreign or the unknown is often abused by those who want us to help them get more oil. Religion is used in a similar way. On the one hand: love your enemy, peace on earth and goodwill to all men, on the other they have a US president who says God told him to invade Iraq and who routinely authorises the torture and incarceration without limit of time for anyone whose eyes he thinks are too close together. Did I mention that I recently toured the former Gestapo headquarters in Cologne? They have cells down in the basement where you can still read what the prisoners wrote on the walls in the 30's and 40's. I wonder if we have come on at all since then? Perhaps only in that technology has advanced to such a point that it is no longer necessary to imprison or kill your political opponents in order to "win" an election. Democracy my arse anyway (to coin a phrase).

Wilfrid Brambell Should have been on the Deathlist in 1985.

I too, enjoyed Bill Bryson's books. I lost a bit of respect for him when he took a job from the British Government which has the word "heritage" in its title, but like so many Americans, I'm sure he means well. Does anyone else find that travel books are always extremely fascinating until they come to write about a place you know well? Then you immediately think: "what a load of c**p!". Can't think of any examples like, but you know what I mean.

Nobody knows the facts. History is, as we were recently reminded, always written by the victors and "historical fact" can never be regarded as impartial or accurate. We know that we don't know the facts. We also know that you don't know them either. Anyone claiming to be in posession of all the facts is generally speaking, wrong. You are jumping to conclusions about the members of the Deathlist. And you have some unfounded prejudices about us. We know what a liberal and enlightened place Germany is now. And very few people think it hasn't changed in the last 60 years. Some of us also happen to have lived there for the past 12 years. The difference is we can make jokes about the war, and the Germans can't because they have serious hangups about it, and no wonder. But the image of germans and Germany in the world is now very positive not least thanks to the efforts of Mr Fischer and other decent, competent, conscientious politicians. Max Schmeling "Hitler's Boxer" may contain some truth, (If you had asked Hitler at one time "who's that?" he may have said "Zat's my Boxer!") but it probably isn't the whole truth, and definitely isn't the whole story. The Powers That Be in the Deathlist chose the Job Description in order to provoke discussion. Which it has done very well.

So "boxer" is synonymous with "Nazi"? I can think of a few well-built fellows who might feel inclined to take you to task on that one. It certainly explains a few of the rants we've had.