thefunkyfaz

Don't think he's going anywhere soon (hopefully) but apparently Tom Hanks has just been diagnosed with Type II diabetes, which has been lurking in his system for 20 years. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2449508/Tom-Hanks-reveals-Type-2-Diabetes.html He'd better start being careful if life really is like a box of chocolates...

Very good as it turns out, he's dead. So it's goodnight from him...

Cancer - shocked. I thought that his hard living would kill Mr Kilmister. RIP a true rock legend.

Sadly it appears that Orville will finally be able to fly - Keith Harris has got his wings... http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/news/a644482/orville-the-duck-ventriloquist-keith-harris-dies-at-the-age-of-67.html#~pb8TCB9YoeGZSK

Well, at least at 83 he'd lived long. And prospered.

So, we need some common sense. I'm assuming a class full of Manc head cases, probs already under the influence of summat they took at break time, and the one thing we might usefully assume about Talbot's movie is that at some point a hand was inserted in a bodily orifice, beyond which the conflicting testimony - sort of - makes sense. I think perhaps he needs to be able to differentiate the difference between pornography and a social education documentary about reproduction. I vaguely remember the one we were shown. Naked couple (couldn't see any genitalia. And you could only see the breasts from the side view and her forearm was obscurring any sight of the nipple. And when they showed the part about penetration, it switched to a computer graphic image. I remember the horrified faces of some of the girls in our class when they showed the actual birth scene, yet 75% of those were ones that got pregnant by the time they were 18. We didn't even get a video. Just one Biology lesson with lots of talking and occasional references to the text book. I think the assumption was that we knew it all already, based on the quality of the grafitti around the school...

Just seen the update - good work. Just one thing - the Richard Baker in my Crypt of Chortles team should be the newsreader who's elderly and more joker worthy than a 41 year old MP who I hadn't heard of when making my team selections and who's apparently got nothing wrong with him! I suspect the other two teams who picked Richard Baker had the same one in mind as me. Hope you don't mind me pointing it out, but there will be points at stake if he carks it...

Whitney Houston's daughter "found unresponsive" in bath... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-31076634 I visited Bath about 15 years ago. It had much the same effect on me. Joking aside, she's apparently "struggled the same demons as her mother and father." As Whitney was found dead in her bath, could this, sadly, be another Paula Yates/Peaches Geldof situation?

Fuck. I hope you're exaggerating with the Warrior comparison. Haven't seen TNA in ages. Will try to catch it soon. Is he abusing painkillers still? Sorry I don't keep up with wrasslin news either. Wasn't there a rumour for a while he had HIV?(!) He has looked terrible for about a decade now though hasn't he? From various arrests he has been hooked or still is hooked on alcohol , cocaine ,Heroin , painkillers and steroids . Yea he was supposed to have HIV but probably just a rumour maybe connected to his drug use. He actually started to look bad near the end of his wwe run which was around 2006 I think. He is going the same way as ultimate warrior sad but its history repeating itself over and over in the wrestling world with regards to these deaths. I would probably give TNA a miss for a month or two until the new channel learns how to put together and film a wrestling show ,chances are half the cameramen working that show have never filmed a show even remotely close to it before. I have to say, having watched it live last night at Wemberley, Kurt Angle has still got it. His match against Lashley for the heavyweight championship was by far the best and most physical fight of the evening. And out of all the wrestlers going from the Arena to their hotel afterwards, he was the one who spent the longest stopping for autographs, selfies and generally making time for the fans (well, those of us who hadn't got tickets to the afterparty). Which made my lad's night. Good for a few years yet, I hope.

Are you really an ordained minister? Respect if you are! Thank you! I am indeed - I was ordained as a minister in 2013, and inducted as the assistant pastor of a small Evangelical church in our village. I have a day job as well (accountancy) that pays the bills, so it's surprising I find as much time to come on here as I do! No bullshit whatsoever, respect for that and for holding your faith. I appreciate that it may give you a different view of death to the one some others on this site might hold. As a christian myself I don't have any particular qualms about what we do on here but there again I think my brian is wired a bit odd. Yes, I have a few concerns about the wiring of my brian too. (Oh well, it is an anagrams thread...)

Mine's my old school nickname. Almost a quarter of a century after leaving school, I still use it. Lack of imagination or refusal to grow up?

Are you really an ordained minister? Respect if you are! Thank you! I am indeed - I was ordained as a minister in 2013, and inducted as the assistant pastor of a small Evangelical church in our village. I have a day job as well (accountancy) that pays the bills, so it's surprising I find as much time to come on here as I do!

My name rearranges to "Software Rev" - quite appropriate for a man of the cloth who spends far too long in front of a computer. Or alternatively "Rev's Fart Woe" for those moments of windy regret...

His autobiography is hardly a reference point that can used with creditably. Or credibility. Anyway, Max Clifford's autobiography didn't exactly help him at his trial, just the opposite. All depends how many tales of young, "willing" "groupies" there are in its pages...

I hadn't heard TV weatherman Fred Talbot had been accused of similar misdemeanours.Then I saw this headline... "Stone Roses' Ian Brown 'shown gay porn by Fred Talbot' " http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-31003041 My lad's got his first sex ed lesson today - I'd better quiz him on exactly what he's been taught...

Do the allegations against Leon Brittan involve the use of a metallic phallus? Tin nob alert?

Wouldn't do much for your round ballsack then...

Nah, it's nostalgia - which ain't what it used to be. The first thing I thought of was THAT joke. Let's not go there...

41 going on 17. Except at the moment it feels more like 41 going on 81 due to the delights of completing last minute tax returns for the masses...

Those atomic scientists have been moving the hands of the Doomsday Clock again... it's now 3 minutes to midnight, the closest since 1984, during the heady days of the Cold War: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2921899/Doomsday-Clock-reads-11-57-Atomic-scientists-minute-hand-two-minutes-forward-say-closest-point-disaster-decades.html

Back playing again this week in sunny Saarfend, and looking very well... http://www.echo-news.co.uk/news/11739550.Wilko__First_gig_since_surgery_will_be_for_hospital_which_saved_me/ Good on you, Wilko...

I hadn't seen this in the news yesterday, but apparently this was in the news yesterday... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2919664/Secret-file-detailing-unnatural-sexual-behaviour-Westminster-VIP-paedophile-scandal-80s-discovered-probably-seen-Margaret-Thatcher.html

No thanks, though I appreciate the laugh from this: The conspiracy would be more convincing if: 1 - The blogger managed to explain how someone - like him - who knows so much is still allowed to live. 2 - He researched his facts well enough to realise Joe Meek might have been a predatory homosexual but wasn't a BBC DJ and - in any case - died before Radio 1 even started. It'd be more convincing too if he'd backed some of his 'facts' with evidence. It's hard to tell whether this is a spoof conspiracy theories site, or whether this guy really does believe everything he reads. Including the letters page in Viz... https://thecolemanexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/the-revenge-of-cliff-richard-tpau/

No, afraid not. I've emailed you this morning resending my original email...

I voted Kirk Kerkorian and, with the "Open All Hours" rebirth/nostalgiafest still fresh, tried to imagine Arkwright doing likewise...