Monoclinic

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading....... Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her? Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow. Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled. And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth? Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all. Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital. Would that be a Mental hospital by any chance? Are you certain that you actually work there? Are you really a patient? Have you met Banshees Scream? As Jimmy Jones used to say "could appen!" Fancy a drink? I thought it was only in Wales that one refers to their "lover" as pet. So it's true what they say, you live and indeed you do learn. Doesn't the velcro chafe?

Is this Jilly?

Can we put annoying TV commercials in Room 101? If we can, can I pleae put in that dire Night Nurse ad from a few years ago with the bloke in the bus queue? I knew him from school in Glasgow - he was the school bully. Aw, tough luck, mate - the only job you can get's in a dire ad like that. However the girl who plays the driving instructor in the Lemsip ad from last year certainly can't go into Room 101 - she's my girlfriend. Well done, sweetheart. I'm proud of ya. Love ya pet. Yawn I haven't seen the advert, I've been away. In fact the last time I saw one, Lemsip was sorting the men out from the boys. So what are you David, a man or a boy? Or is she just too tired from all that "instructing" when she comes in to sort you out? Please pass on our regards to Scott, we sure have missed him.

So near yet so far. Peru and Iran are tricky sides to tackle, apart from that it would have been in the bag. Or seeing how many times you could clap before the ball came back or until you were told to move on and stop banging the ball against Mr X's wall or ruining a few flower beds with an "accidental" stray throw?

I hope your having a grate birthday The Philosopher, perhaps you received some cloths?

I love the bullet point highlights on the RHS for those too lazy to read the few measly paragraphs that made up that story.

Well Dr James G Brown does have some prior experience in economics... after all he has a PhD in history. Which leads me nicely onto asking any knowledgable politics buffs out there what I've long wanted to know... How much of "just a front man" is the Chancellor of the Exchequer? I used to naively assume it would be an accountant, economist or some form of mathematician at the helm (I suppose there has to be some use for an Oxbridge PPE) but this does not appear to be the case. So basically I want to know if John I can't remember what O-Levels I actually passed Major really did weald the calculator himself? Merci d'avance!!!

Go Belgium!

¡Feliz cumpleaños Dia de los Muertos! and Magic, a belated Happy b'day!

Your prejudices are starting to show, M - time to adjust the hemline. Yes, that was a very off-color remark Mono... Somewhere along the line, this proof-reading task has been ill-defined; someone has not used their brain before requesting the work and has thereby caused frustration and irritation. We are all aware that American English and British English are two different languages - the spelling is different as is some of the usage and grammar. Which brings me to my offering for Room 101: Bosses and other "superiors" (do inverted commas invert the meaning of the enclosed word!) who waste their employees time by providing wrong, insufficient or misleading information. As an example, I have recently worked for a company who paid me at a rate based on the use of data and equipment which they said they would provide and then refused to provide. Cheats and robbers! I'm not very surprised that this happens (deliberately?) in the work that I do (low-paid, no option but to do the work or starve) but I see no reason why Mono should not complain loudly when it happens in the way she has described. There should be no excuse for such communication problems at the level of intellectual endeavour in which I understand her to be involved. And the Editors should also know better or be sacked. Thank-you CO, you make my work sound all very high-brow, it's really just an excuse to prolong a carefree nomadic (I have no hat ergo no home?) lifestyle. I'll have to go back to the UK one of these days I'm sure, just holding out for those house prices to fall even further! If the government has put a freeze on Icelandic companies does this mean Kerry Katona's adverts are over? (Sorry if they've been off air for ages, see above re. nomad)

Does Wee Jimmie Krankie qualify? I am sure he must have grown up to be a fine specimen of a lad... Wikipedia:

Okay put it this way, it works both ways. I am sure there'd be a group of annoyed US authors who found on submitting an article that some snooty British editor had, for instance, decided to add an extra i in aluminum or changed the f for ph in sulfur or gone through an entire 30+ page manuscript replacing all the z's for s's just because it suited their whim. Both versions are acceptable in the English language, it's anal to change it, that's all. It put me off trying to find out the real typos and errors, seeing as I am the only anglophone on the paper it's mainly down to me to do it.

Warning do not read if you are American and easily offended. I'd like to put proof reading in to room 101. It is officially the most dullest past time known to Man (and no weak lemon drink is provided). Just got an article back from my old boss to proof read the draft and lo and behold a bastard yank editor has gone through and changed all the British spelling to American English. Pernickety arseholes.

Behold! The Holy Sprite.

Not Sir James Dewar? Were it not for him your thermos of Bisto would probably be cooling at a rate akin to those accidentally quenched magnets at the LHC.

The Proclaimers, surely? So GRATE, his noodleship saw fit to make two identical examples of the greatest ever ScotsmEn.

Here in Germany we've never been averse to a spot of Anschluss. How does Germany feel about Portsmouth?

No, it's got it's hands full with Portsmouth. This is one of the problems with a country like Belgium. People don't take it seriously enough to read the whole story but still feel they can pass comment. Even I feel on shaky ground with what I am about to say. On reading some of the articles posted in this thread one quickly ascertians that many in Flanders actually want to split away from Belgium and become an independent state. Due to the contentious issue of the Brussels enclave I think the best they can look at is a confederation of the linguistic communities thus taking taxation and welfare away from the federal level which would resolve the issue that the Flemish have with "supporting" their poorer neighbours. However they have been quick to forget the time when the fortunes were reversed and they were mainly agriculturers and the steel industry and mines of Wallonia were prosperous. In that article it also reminds us of how the Flemish fought to save their language at a time when the Francophones were more dominant. Thus IMHO I don't think they'd just stand there - and like - let France take them over or summat If you compare the GDP per capita (I'm not an economist, is this a good benchmark to compare?) for France and Belgium you find that Belgium's is (a little) higher. Considering that Flanders is the financially dominant region, their GDP per capita may be even greater still if we remove the somewhat smaller contribution from Wallonia (though they have a smaller population too). I never met a Wallon who expressed an interest in being French. Besides which there is a small German speaking community in Wallonia around Eupen, who are 100% Belgian too, what would become of them? I think we need to worry about our own problems first. I mean what is the government thinking nationalising our bed and breakfasts. They may be a British institution but the only meddling to be allowed in b&bs by Politicians should be that which is reported in The Daily Star for the amusement of HIGNFY. Mono, Ambassatrice Wallon. (You can wake up now)

Geophys and Baldrick could always sell them on to IKEA as a retro tea coaster set in 2050.

Ah so it's you then that has the only known copies of The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes and this follow up to that seminal album Psyche? In case you've forgotten the lyrical partnership of our beloved Ant and Dec here's a little taster! Are you ready to rhumble?

Ah, yes, good old Clifton. My favourite episode is the one where he single-handedly defeats the German war machine, saves Belgium from certain destruction, and is rewarded with a lifetime's supply of chips and chocolate bars. And lace. What about beer, peket, moules, speculoos, waffles and most importantly chicons/witloof? (cue Godot stage left)