Cerberus

"Deep Throat" ... I thought that was Linda Lovelace. I must have been thinking of something else altogether.

Cyril Smith has been listed three times, but not since 1991. Have you given up on him? He will be 77 in June and, unless there's been some Nigel Lawson-style shrinkage, could be in line for a massive coronary someime soon. Not wishing it on the old boy, you understand. I liked him in the 70s, he gave Mike Yarwood, oh, minutes of material.

The British equivalent of "former first ladies" is "Wives of former prime ministers". I have been unable to find out whether Lady Wilson (widow of Harold) or Audrey (Lady) Callaghan are still with us, but I did hear last year that Clarissa, Lady Avon is. She was the second wife of Sir Anthony Eden who was PM from 1955-57, so she must be getting on a bit. I believe she was a niece of Sir Winston Churchill. I don't know anything about the spouses of Harold MacMillan (1957-63) or Alec Douglas-Home (1963-64). Edward Heath never married. Not sure that any of these ladies would pass the famousness test though.

Anyone with an interest in sport, as opposed to just football, should know something about Basil D'Oliveira. He was a "Cape Coloured" South African cricketer who came to England in the 1960s and, following a match-winning hundred for England against Australia in 1968 (those were the days, my friend) was selected to tour South Africa with the MCC that winter. Not surprisingly, the South African government made it clear he would not be welcome. So the tour was called off, and the apartheid-era South Africa was isolated from virtually all international sport for the next 22 years. Times have changed, of course, and England and South Africa have just been playing for the "Basil D'Oliveira Trophy". Basil has been a fighter all his life and I'm sure he'll pull through this.

A couple of former Deathlistees must be good bets for 2006 if they survive the next 350 days or so: Jeremy Thorpe - the ex-Liberal leader was last featured in 1996. He suffers from Parkinsons which must be at a fairly advanced stage by now. As far as I know he no longer attends LibDem conferences. Any news of his condition? Fats Domino - I was amazed to see this old boy was still around, I thought he'd croaked years ago. I must've been thinking of his namesake Mr Waller. Anyway, as we all know, obesity kills! And how about Sir Freddie Laker? He took on the big airlines 20 years before Branson, if I remember correctly. Must be getting a bit long in the tooth by now.

And no, it didn't take me half the night to work that out: I work late, OK?

I have a translation (I think) "All will suffer under my sword." I'm not certain about the tense, though. I think we need clarification.

I was about to nominate Kenneth Connor, until I learned that he died in 1993. But Jack Douglas (born 26-4-27) and Bill Maynard (8-10-28) are still going. They appeared in quite a few Carry Ons, not usually in leading roles it has to be said.

Ah, thank you. I hadn't heard of him before, a little before my time I'm afraid. I quite like Glenn Miller, but I guess he's almost certainly dead.

Is he the farmer who shot those burglars? I think he'll be with us for a while yet. A "crooner" by that name., I don't know of.

How about John Profumo? He hasn't been in the news for about 40 years, but his name is still a byword for political scandal and general naughty goings-on in the corridors of power. I think David Blunkett could have learned a thing or two from him. I'm fairly certain he's still alive - he must be well into his eighties by now.

He was on Top Of the Pops last night with his new band Babyshambles and their here-today-gone-tomorrow hit "Kilimanjaro". Looked healthy enough to me. Song is rubbish though.

He was playing a patient on BBC1's "Doctors" the other day - a favourite show of Mrs C. He came out with the line "I'm an old queen who's about to abdicate." When he used to play Mr Humphries on AYBS he used to maintain that he (Mr Humphries, that is) wasn't necessarily gay. Yeah right ... he's a multi-faceted character.

I've just been reading about JD Salinger at www.morrill.org/books/salbio.shtml. He sounds a bit of an odd cove. One of those authors who's only known for one book (which I haven't read). He's now married to a nurse, 30 years his junior - not hard to see what he gets out of that relationship - but previosly had a seven year relationship with the 1980s actress Catherine Oxenburg. Lucky sod!

Obviously quite a few people did, but no-one famous that I can think of. Soul singer Curtis mayfield breathed his last on Boxing Day 1999, but my souvenir edition of the Times for 1 january 2000 doesn't contain an obituaries.

So this guy's saying we could one day have people living to 1,000, right? Let's hope the pension companies don't get hold of this; they think everyone's living too long as it is. It'd be a bit of a bummer to flake out on December 31st 2999, though, would't it.

How about John Forsythe (Blake carrington from "Dynasty"). I was shocked to see that he turned 86 this year.

Alan "Fluff" Freeman gets my vote. Not a good year for BBC radio. Alastair Cooke, Hubert Gregg, Peely and now John Dunn. I used to quite like JD's show. Long before I became a Radio 2 listener, I used to hear his show in the car on the way home from various trips and holidays. It used to come before (or after) something called "Waggoners Walk" (Radio 2's answer to "The Archers"

How to you get to be a former Canadian? Is that like Greg Rusedski or something?

The old boy has been mentioned on this forum before, but I thought this was of interest from Saturday's "Times" : Evangelist Graham embarks on "last crusade" 'In what many could be his last crusade, Billy Graham, the evangelist, is to preach to as many as 200,00 Californians at the weekend ... Mr Graham, though, is praying for strength. "We're now having some thought about going to New York next June", he said this week. "If the Lord gives me the strength here, it will be an indication that I can go there.' The article goes on to mention that he suffers from Parkinsons as has had two falls this year resulting in a fractured pelvis. Some interesting theological discussion could be on the cards betwwen Billy, Ian Paisley and JP2 ...

Hmmm... I see what you mean. he is a bit of a Ranter's Favourite isn't he?

Given his well-publicised health problems, I'm surprised Alex "Hurricane" Higgins didn't beat him to it. A good bet for the 2005 list I'd have thought.