Terminator

Imagine having an "allowance" on what you can "buy" to eat every month. I doubt anyone of us can live on 3 eggs a month. Or having an uncle thrown in prison for 12 yrs because he was caught selling red-meat (personal experience) Three eggs a month? Where I come from that were luxury. We ad't go down t'mine, work up to us' necks in coal dust, come back, wash us'sens in mud puddles, eat lard and shoe-leather sandwiches for tea and get up before we went t'bed wi no leet on. Prison? We could only dream o' prison. For some reason - I'm at a loss what MPFC skit this was - was it only Policeman's secret ball? I went and search engined it and LOL it came back with the following! ""Ah, you 'ad a Bible? Luxury! We 'ad to have it MEMORIZED before we were allowed to suckle!" "That's posh. We ad t' recite it backwards in Keerg and Werbeh with variants in Namreg, crawl back into the womb, be born again, deliver a 'omily in the Queen's English and weren't allowed to suckle." A 26 six month plan? I could get used to that " As for Fidel - well it could be this year or next - but I dont think he will be at the London Olympics. Sorry for picking up this thread so late.... Monty Python had the four Yorkshiremen sketch, where they outdid each other in their hard upbringing.."slept in a shoe box in middle of t'road". "You were lucky, "we had to...etc". The Secret Policeman's Ball included the sketch, where Rowan Atkinson probably replaced Graham Chapman. Hyperbole to perfection.

Heather Mills (literally) swears by it...

Am about to film a karaoke scene in a London-based movie starring Michael Caine, as a sort of geriatric version of Paul Kersey (Death Wish I ad nauseam), around South London. Bumped into Marvelous Marvin Hagler by Freddie Mills' gym (at the bottom of my road), before he boxed Alan Minter. The Finnigans used to box there too. Chris Finnegan asked me to arrange a pool match with his pub, which was fair enough until the newpapers covered a knifing ON the pool table the next day. I was crossing Gt Portland Street, London when I heard a loud screetch of tyres and the driver pressing his horn. It was my neighbour (a private chauffeur out of Pinewood studios) laughing hysterically at my shock. I met him later and asked who was that woman in the front seat laughing, he told me it was Laura Hutton. In the late eighties, I met a mate at the Prince of Wales Feathers, Goodge Street, London. Anyhoos, this wizzened arm stretched between us and asked, in a gutteral voice..."large whiskey".. Before seeing him, the voice gave it away, it was Michael Robbins. He really looked ill and had just left the TV recording studios on Euston Road. He dies soon after. Played exhibition snooker matches against Alex Higgins, Willie Thorne, Ray Reardon, Doug Mountjoy, Tony Knowles, David Taylor (when they were all top-ranking players). My Mongolian-style Kong Fu teacher (Lajos Jacob) trained Roger Moore for the Man With The Golden Gun. Although a polio-sufferer, he challenged Bruce Lee to fight in the ring, but was declined. I belted out some ol' karaoke song, back in the early nineties in Battersea and as I lurched back to my drink at the bar, an old, owl-faced, purrulent, beetroot-faced bloke said something like "well done", although it sounded more like he was going to retch. It was David Hemmings. There's loads more of these sad claims to fame, but (you'll be thankful to know), I'm outta here for now.

Kim Jong-il appears from hiding.

Court date set for 16 March

I see the "Shame of Lincolnshire" used the "Pride of Kent"

That'll take a few weeks of stop-start animation to film that walk.

Tony Hart has drawn his last breath.

...he won't have any problem with the screws.

If homosexuals are (literally) banged up with 100% of the same gender, where's the equality? Male or female, they must love communal shower time. I'm sure the EU are working on introducing all-male (irons), all-female (lezzers) and co-ed (hetero) prisons. I just wonder what prison officers will be required to admit (to get posted to their right "environment").

I get your point(?) Turn up and pretend to be disabled.

I bet your working life got easier when the lift/elevator buttons got simpler to operate....

Theatre staging Fritzl musical "The production's director is Hubsi Kramar, an Austrian stand-up comedian who raised eyebrows* when he tried to attend Vienna's Opera Ball dressed as Adolf Hitler. " * as well as a few raised right arms....

It's also about time you gave it a rest, mate!

Wasn't she the only one to be involved in all Star Trek series' franchises? She was the computer voice in subsequent series. It's vaguely worth mentioning that, as Nurse Chapel, she worked alongside Dr McCoy. "Bones" and leukaemia....what an unfortunate coincidence.

I wonder how much of Blake's name is visible on that shrivelled canvas?

Jackie Stallone, (born November 29, 1921 in Washington, D.C.) is an astrologer and celebrity who is the mother of the Hollywood action film star Sylvester Stallone, and of the singer Frank Stallone. What else is there to know? Sadly, I expect her appearance in Celebrity Big Brother (BB) a few years back will ensure an obit...if only for the newspapers to wrap it around other inocuous ,"BB-related" fodder.

They do say that certain "genes" skip a generation....

Normally, Mitch (Amy's dad) gate-crashes the bandwagon to snaffle a few bob from the gutter press. He's suspiciously quiet....

Doesn't "Swayze Blazey" have a better ring to it? Or "Ghost Roast"? Or. more realistically, "Crap Actor Incinerated"?

Definitely. She probably doesn't appreciate the irony of calling herself a staunch Catholic whilst simultaneously announcing that she's being trying for seven years to get herself pregnant outside of wedlock. Yeah, that was the first thing that jumped out at me as well. Her parents probably brought her up to believe that "two heads are better than one".