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Mortician

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Posts posted by Mortician

  1. Posted

    As it goes Maggie was in the papers the last day - she went out for a walk (How that can be classed as news, I do not know).

     

    The news was that she wasn't too pissed to walk like she normally is...

     

    Hope she doesn't die soon anyway - with David 'Bumbling Like-able Toff, it worked for Stephen Fry' Cameron wittering on about his liberal agenda - she'll be spinning so fast they won't be able to get her in the ground.

  3. Posted

    I had a very strange dream the other night. The characters involved were Pete Doherty, The King of Tonga, Jane Tomlinson and Ellen McArthur, they were all caught up in some bizarre love quadrangle.

     

    I really shouldn't have had that toasted cheese sandwich before bed.

    :D

    Bizarre is not the word, what did you have burning to toast the sandwich?

     

    Mind you the image of the King of Tonga and Jane Tomlinson on a tandem has now stuck itself in my brain...

     

    I'm not even going to start on little Ellen and Pete's mast tossing in high seas...

     

    Bugger now that's both images

     

    :D

  4. Posted

    He's lucky, he could have got 7years in prison, its a shame that his father was an army major and his son is just a bit of a loser

    I know poor bugger, privileged upbringing thrown away sh*gging supermodels, taking drugs and being a pop star....

     

    To paraphase, where did it all go wrong...

  7. Posted

    I suspect that he's not going to die too soon. Channel 4 are repeating their documentary on the failed kidnap attempt..

     

    Kidnap Ronnie

     

    Would have thought they'd be keeping this back for the season of loveable criminal caper docs that will follow his final expiry.

     

    Once he carks it we can move onto the 'who was Mr Big?' no semblence of reality speculation. A staple for satellite documentary channels, scheduled between the Nazis, Pyramids and JFK assassination replacing Jack the Ripper.

  8. Posted

    My sister's boyfriend was the guy who shouted "W**ker" at the Strangler's concert as heard on the "Live X Cert " album, which caused Hugh to stop playing. :blink:

    Not exactly a claim to fame, but I was removed from a Roy 'Chubby' Brown gig for heckling! I was a little tired an emotional at the time, but I could shout "Fat C**t" louder than he could. The bouncers took exception to this and dragged me from the theatre and deposited me in a heap outside.

    You weren't thrown out for heckling but for being funnier than the 'Fat C**t'...

  9. Posted

    ..now if he falls and breaks a hip or needs an angioplasty or something like that, I'll start watching.

    I wouldn't hold out too much hope. He's going to the equivalent of the Queen Mother, complete skeletal replacement by metal.

     

    Trust me once Old Liz has been underground for a bit of time and we have a big solar flair, she'll rise Terminator-like from the grave...

  11. Posted

    I understand that makeup can have amazing effects, but it still seems unlikely that Al lewis began his role on the Munsters at the age of 41!

    And was only 3 years older than Fred Gwynn who played Herman....

     

    Perhaps he faked his earlier birth date to get the role? It certainly got him DL noticed before his time...

     

    Perhaps we can have a memorial thread based on co-stars who's ages were obviously wrong...

     

    Jessie Royce Landis played Cary Grant's mother in North by Northwest even though she was born 10 months after him

  12. Posted

    My take on the whole situation is that the cartoons weren't even funny. I mean, given that the cartoonists knew it would bring a whole heap of turds upon them they could have least pushed it a bit. I guess the Danish aren't exactly renowned for their humour.

    I think it's a cunning insurance job -

     

    Embassy in need of a face-lift, call Insulting Cartoons 'R' Us!

    We guarantee that your embassy, consulate or private dwelling will be damaged by an angry mob within hours....

    Discounts for chainstores, franchises and governments.

  14. Posted

    Mr Winner has been looking especially corpulant and red nosed recently.

    As a regular reader of "Winners Dinners" in the Sunday Times, I worry that Michael is ordering "all the puddings" on the menu far too often. This will only hasten his demise.

    Calm down dear, he's only a bloated talentless director who ruined Charles Bronson's career...

     

    Let's hope for an accident that removes his no claims bonus once and for all.

  15. Posted

    Reservior Dogs actor Chris Penn found dead aged 43 - Breaking News

     

    Isn't that the second or third death from Reservior Dogs amongst the actors in recent years?

    Ed Bunker AKA Mr. Blue left us last year.

    Good lord, could this be the curse of Dad's Army moving on to a new cast - thank the lord that Clive Dunn didn't play Grandad Yellow

  17. Posted

    Caspar may soon be a ghost because he was the only(surviving) ex defence secretary not to attend a summit on Iraq with Pres Bush last week..even 89 yr old Robert McNamara turned up

    Might be to avoid calling attention to Bush snr's involvement in his pardon over Iran Contra...

     

    MacNamara will never avoid an opportunity to have a pop at the Neo Cons, I suspect, even from beyond the grave.

     

    If you get the chance watch this, do so:

     

    Fog of War

     

    Shows that at least one Secretary of Defence thought about bombing the hell out of the rest of the world...

  19. Posted

    Yes indeed Death Warmed Up - Arfur and Hilda duetted on an 'hilarious' rendidtion of 'You're The One That I Want.'

    In the 1970's British Television was awash with elements that made your whole being squirm with embarassment...

     

    Beating On the Buses, Benny Hill, Love Thy Neighbour and George and Mildred however was the 3 minutes of Arfur and Hilda on Top of The Pops...

     

    Dressed in leathers, mumbling on tunelessly out of time with the music, and forgetting the words.... had they been doing Keith Richards it would have been bang on!

  20. Posted

    I love Ingmar's work although I imagine that when the Swedish film 'Fanny and Alexander' was released in 1982 lots of people were expecting something more special interest than a 5 hour epic about a Swedish family at the start of the 20th Century...

  21. Posted

    Tried to recommend that we commemorate the 60th anniversary by throwing Vera over the White Cliffs of Dover...

     

    Her war effort, or noise pollution, drove up volunteering for the forces by making the front seem less scary than musical halls at home.

  23. Posted

    Am I alone in hoping that when the Great Fat Mermaid does expire he arrives at the Pearly Gates to find St. Peter saying...

     

    'Sorry Ariel, the Christians were right after all, but we've got a special area over there for you. We occupied it 2000 years ago and won't allow you to run it yourselves. Any problems, and we'll send the Angels in launching divine retribution...'

  24. Posted

    Mr. Rumbold was played by Nicolas Smith,

     

    most recently he was the voice of a character in the lateset Wallace and Gromit film " Curse of the Were-Rabbit".

    Although dialogue was recorded some time ago before the animation started so could not be a good indicator of current health....

  25. Posted

    I understand a symptom of Alzheimers can lead to people thinking they're back at some time in the past - surely letting Chuck have access to weapons when he could be surrounded by 'Damn Dirty Apes' at any point in his imaginings could be a bit dangerous....

     

    Personally I'm glad I'm not his Doctor and that Roddy McDowell is already dead or there could be a massacre.

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