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About Mortician

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  • Birthday 06/09/1971

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  1. Mortician

    The 13th Death Of '09

    This is a very good call, with the Tories about to kick off another batch of psychotic Euro Bashing over Lisbon, the bitch of the living dead will rise from her whisky sozzled stupor, shout No and then keel over if Blair gets elected el Presidente.... Makes it almost worth hoping the grinning war mongering pope botherer gets the job
  2. Mortician

    Patrick Swayze

    I would say that being faced with the propsect of reading the Daily Mail most of us would throw in the towel...
  3. Mortician

    Charlton Heston

    Bless Charlton and all the little wheelies, always reminds me of a very obscure band from the mid 80's called Stump, who had a song with the line 'Charlton Heston put his vest on' and fighting Pharoahs! Pure genius and more accurate historically then Chuck sword and sandal efforts. I wonder if St Peter will be packing assault weapons at the pearly gates, or Moses will be read to complain about the hair do!
  4. Mortician

    Ariel Sharon

    A government source saying he is dead eh? He probably is dead but for security reasons are not announcing it... I doubt it, Blair might be a war mongering lying bastid but even he wouldn't trust Kim Howell with his phone number let alone a state secret...
  5. Mortician

    African Leaders - Despots and Democratic

    I think that you can safely say that Muagbe will not go for the subtlety of an accident, unless you consider lead poisoning caused by gunfire to be accidental.
  6. Mortician

    Heather Mills

    Well the shrinking voilet (or is that more listing) has been declaring her hatred of publicity by appearing on telly Leave me alone... oh please come back Meanwhile the Fuzz are getting a bit pissed off with her as well... Rozzers After the Fugitive They would set the dogs on her but artificial limbs play havoc with their digestion
  7. Mortician

    Jacques Brel's Imitation Jelly Jewellery

    Sheriff Fatman - Carter USM White Riot - The Clash Old Red Eyes is Back - The Beautiful South
  8. Mortician

    James Brown

    Perhaps they're waiting for him to 'Get On Up' Please accept my apologies in advance for the groans this creates, but it's been a long week...
  9. Mortician

    Stars In Rehab

    I think we should open a centre for the treatment for addiction to Rehab
  10. Mortician

    Osama Bin Laden

    I'm confused... why are they going to the Afghan / Pakistan border area... we all know Osama is in Iraq with all those other fundamentalists that profited under the secular regime of Saddam Hussain... otherwise why did we invade there at all Or have I missed something? Oh well back to my bunker protecting democracy in 2 square miles of the green zone in Baghdad
  11. Mortician

    I Destroy the Royal Family

    Quite right, Phil may be rascist, with a border line personality disorder, old loony that believes that if it moves shoot it... but he's not a Nazi. That being said I'm sure that like his wife's Uncle he might think some of old Adolf's ideas weren't that bad, but his methods were a bit off....
  12. Mortician

    Heather Mills

    More likely Trago Mills, suppliers of bargain basement tat to the mad people of Devon and Cornwall... now why does Heffer make me think of low value tat?
  13. Mortician

    Heather Mills

    The above from that Sun article, assuming McCartney decides to get nasty I think these two appearing in court might raise the hate stakes to the point someone would have a go. More likely, if the realms of fantasy she seems to inhabit collapse around her she might be more of a danger to herself. I would say that the threat of some of her old alleged clients will soon put her off her day in court... Mind you the Scum story about her being paid as much as Rooney has some merit. She wants £10K a day for sleeping with an ancient crumbly scouser, and Wayne was spending some of his £10K a day sleeping with ancient crumbly scousers....
  14. Mortician

    Brinsworth House and Denville Hall

    Well he must be doing alright (or at least as alright as you need to play a part in a Croft / Lloyd s*itcom) as they're doing a 'special'... Despair for comedy
  15. Mortician

    Are You Being Served?

    By the way, when did this happen. DAME Wendy Richard. surely its not true ??? her official website shed's no light. I think this was a minor typo... Damn Wendy Richard

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