Lady Die

> > An Australian, an Irishman and a Glaswegian are in a bar. > > > > They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the > > corner. > > He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. > > > > They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: > > > > My God, it's Jesus!" > > > > Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. > > > > Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of > > Fosters and a pint of Buckfast. > > > > Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and > > Dri! nks the pints slowly, one after another. > > > > After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He > > reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, > > thanking him for the Guinness. > > > > When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My > > God! > > The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!" > > > > Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the > > lager. > > As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, > > the bad back I've had all my life is completely > > gone It's a miracle." > > > > Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian who knocks over a chair > > and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong > > my son?" says Jesus. > > > > The Glaswegian shouts, "fu** off, I'm on > > disability benefit!"

I never said there was anything wrong with beige. In fact it's my favourite "colour".

Your "little man" would look great in a beige cardigan.

The Krankies- because they really spook me. What kind of perv gets his kicks from his wife dressing up as a schoolboy?

true dat - I hear he's going to have an Opera-tion very soon. Betty doesn't. Quite Frank-ly, I agree with Rick. Every day, in every way, he's getting better and better. That's because he's trying to mask the symptoms.

Rita Webb died in 1981 & Patricia Hayes in 1998.

Maybe it's a phantom illness.

Printer sales are soaring.

Great- he's in my DDP team & I have't got any points yet!

Do we have any Welsh men or women amongst us?

I must be missing something here. Why would it be any of them? I assumed that if one gets three lib dems together one of them might have Mark Oaten tendencies! Aaaah I see. A bit subtle for me on a Monday.

I must be missing something here. Why would it be any of them?

Is f*****t a censored word or was that self censorship? Edit: Apparentely not. I've censored it myself to preserve DL's wholesome reputation. Fucknut isn't, But I think Lady Die meant Fu*kwit. I typed f-u-c-k-w-i-t but it got censored.

His trial is set to begin on March 2nd

Non-anagrams are better. e.g. Tony Blair = Vain F*****t

It's available on Amazon Just ordered it!!! What have I done, I must be mad! Maybe it's not too late to cancel! It's a pity we can't post sound clips on this forum ... then we could all listen to samples.

It's available on Amazon

Impossible!!! Feb only has 28 days.

Go out for a lovely meal

I have asked the very same question (above). Someone please help!! Also, could someone explain the "warn" thing?

Happy Birthday! (why isn't it on the calendar?)

Isn't MPFC a "he"?

Have fun at work

I'm just off to rate the Dickie O thread ..... er how do I do this?

> >At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke 6ft 5in tall and > >350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously > >gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella > >finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big > >Liverpudlian. > > > >Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a bl*w job?" he whispers. > >At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks > >the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him > >all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the > >car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the > >bartender quickly brings over another beer. > > > >"I've never seen you react like that" he says "Just what did he say to > >you?" > >"I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."