Lady Die

Someone crack open the champagne!!!

I'll be safe; I only get bloke flu. You mean a cold?

Getting back on-topic. What's a pub doing employing an 86 year old? That job could go to a young unemployed person.

Lady Die, I gather you are a cat lover. DO NOT OPEN TEMPUS' LINK. Thanks for the warning. We have just acquired a new kitten & my husband is already eyeing it up for a stew & a fur hat.

I would easily volunteer, but only if I got to be cut up on TV. I'm sure that could be arranged.

Sign what? The link doesn't work!

Their buns are yummy.

There's only one way to find out: A person who fiddles with monarchs - regiphile A person who fiddles with themself - suiphile A person who fiddles with mothers - matriphile A person who fiddles with spiders - arachnophile A person who fiddles with the southern hemisphere - antipodiphile Now let's see how that goes... A person who fiddles while Rome burns - Nero

Precisely.

He's been remanded in custody

He probably likes it because it's full of old people.

Read about Deathlist

I voted "yes" because he's a tough old geezer.

Don't go here then... Nut Job Bloody hell. Here's another one: http://www.gopetition.co.uk/online/7794.html "We, the British people and the people of the Commonwealth,...." All 84 of them. Very impressive... This kind of stuff is the reason the internet exists.

Lady Die

Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit... Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant. Stuart: - No way - he's a geologist. Dave: - He ain't no geologist ! A geologist wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder... Dave: - Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken ! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession! Dave: - Oh ! What's that then ? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: - Er, mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Dave: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden! Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Dave: - Yep! Four nights a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often? Dave: - Me? Never Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Stuart: - What's that then? Dave:- I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Stuart: - Nope Dave: - Well then, you're a W**ker.

Learn to appreciate clouds

A British Airways passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers: "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground" She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up bitch."

Just when you thought he couldn't get any barmier

Testing a cure for hiccups

He's obviously got a sense of humour.

Ugh! What is that?

Is Dame Kelly a dyke too?

I can't help noticing that lots of people eat toast, drink tea etc whilst perusing DL....

A person after my own heart! (And around the same age I guess). I always thought it was a bit kinky when teddy went to bed with Andy Pandy in that basket - and sometimes even a threesome with Looby Loo.