Lady Die

I thought it was common knowledge? I didn't know. I do know that Elizabeth I was a man though.

Shelley Winters has had a heart attack and she is 85 years old. I have fond memories of her in The Poseidon Adventure. I think she had a heart attack in the film too?

Blair? Bush? Thatcher? Is Thatcher a man?

She looks pretty good here Amazing how all those actors(?) in Star Trek have lived on the back of it for 40 years! I believe the program was originally only supposed to run for a few episodes. I'm sure all this should be in the USS Enterprise thread but I can't be arsed today. [Posts moved from topic "Richard O'Sullivan" -- MH]

Q. What's the difference between Yoko Ono & an Ethiopian? A. Nothing, they both live off dead beetles

Nervous, but excited, like the evening before my birthday used to be. It seems my prediction was pretty good, but to make it accurate I may have to ration my posts today. regards, Hein Today's the day!

There were thirteen Pope Innocents or Popes Innocent, or Innocent Popes, whatever.

So have I. But some people haven't....and if all jokes that people had heard before were deleted from this thread there would be none left! Who said anything about deleting them? No-one. I was being hypothetical.

There seem to have been a lot of "high grade" hurricanes this year. Does anyone know if there's a reason for this - global warming?

You rang? yours in geekdom, Hein How does it feel to be nearly a Post Twunt?

Yes, but first tell us who the three "yes" voters are - I think we should be able to mock them. I confess to being one of them ... but I was only joking ... honestly

One more (a bit rude but quite funny) The most dangerous snake in the world

You mean ... she's not dead? And they've gone and buried the poor cow! Someone get onto the Royal Forum, quick! It's much worse than that ... they've cremated her.

Two for the price of one... Arse or elbow? Techies will appreciate this... Programming language inventor or serial killer?

Should this be merged into the "Snooker NOT Alex Higgins" thread? (Or should I mind my own business? ) [Done - Teddy]

That was the point I was making Lady Die. Maybe I'd better lose the subtle touch. MOST OF THEM AREN'T OUT ANYMORE COS THEY WERE SHITE ALL ALONG!!!! Far too subtle for me I'm afraid

I heard that he suffered a brain aneurism whilst driving his car on Monday, which was also his 71st birthday.

I once posted someone some fish from Hull (for a "joke"). It was a Bank Holiday Saturday, so they didn't arrived till Wednesday. Their cat went beserk when the parcel arrived and God only knows what the postman thought.

Hope Mrs Josco doesn't find out.

The National Secular Society (in the UK) is fighting the battle against superstitionists taking over public life. I guess there must be a similar organisation in the US?

Is there a difference?

So have I. But some people haven't....and if all jokes that people had heard before were deleted from this thread there would be none left!

Comments, anyone? I think Mr Icke is a person of sound mind & I agree entirely with everything he says.

Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise....... BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP....... BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster......... BUMP........BUMP..... BUMP........BUMP..... BUMP........BUMP...... The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP......BUMP...... BUMP........BUMP......BUMP...... BUMP........BUMP......BUMP...... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin . BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and lumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP.SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH..HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP..SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came . BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it . Still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped.

Spot the difference