Madcow

I thought he was auditioning for a remake of Steptoe and Son

I wish they'd stop mentioning her in the same breath as Jim Morrison. She wasn't talented enough to clean up his vomit.

Googie Withers is no longer Within These Walls. http://news.uk.msn.com/world/actress-googi...rs-dies-aged-94

I totally concur with this! It's only spreadable if it's been out of the fridge for about an hour. Just like normal butter, then. I'm more than a bit miffed at the people dishing out the Olympic tickets. I was thrilled to find my bank account emptied out for 4 of these precious little pieces of paper. Only one problem.......... I HADN'T ORDERED ANY! Now I have to starve until the bank get me my money back, not to mention the embarrassment of having my card turned down when I went for petrol. Thank heavens for my lovely Mummy who was there to bail me out.

Not keen on The Rock but I'm quite fond of a hard place. Train set or Scalextrix?

They look like they've been made from old lycra bike shorts and oven gloves.

ITV wrestling - I used to watch it with my Nan when I was little. Spurred on by the discovery of things called Rat Nuggets in the pet shop adjacent the House of Clown: McDonalds or Burger King?

Dumb and Happy. One for the boys: Seamed Stockings or Fishnets?

Fiction. Roast Dinner or Curry?

James May Dairy Milk or Galaxy?

Highways/motorways/autobahns or back/surface roads? (or, possibly, backslash or frontslash?) Back roads - generally quicker than UK motorways! This was a question often posed when I was at school (many, many years ago) Starsky or Hutch?

Bible (ok, neither really, I'm Pagan) Burial or cremation?

'Cause no-one likes bloody campers. Boom tsch. Sire, thine coat awaits. excellent!

Why are Halfords offering 50% off all tents and tampax?

He's been living on borrowed time since about 1984, when he stepped in front of my car outside a snooker club in Chiswick. I was learning to drive at the time. Could have bagged Griff Rhys Jones, aswell, but that would have meant mounting the pavement to get him and he was pushing a pram at the time. My driving lessons were such fun!

A tale of salt and tequila in Once, upon a lime, in America

With a bit of a stretch on the rules: Kirk Douglas et al go to India and liberate our call centres in The Heroes of Telemarketing I, too, would also like to stress that I have not filched any of my ideas from other websites and that any similarities are purely coincidental. So ya boo sucks to the killjoys.

I believe there's a porn movie that came out with that title. I think you'll find that was 'Shaving Ryan's Privates'

Cary Grant finds a radical solution to head beasts in Arsenic and Old Lice Richard Burton, Richard Harris and Roger Moore aren't very tough mercenaries in The Mild Geese

Audrey Hepburn goes to a Boyzone concert in Ronan Holiday

Ha! great minds. I just thought of Ali Mcgraw and Ryan O'Neal go for a dirty weekend in Hove Story Also, Brendan Fraser stars as a morris dancer in George of the Jangle

Johnny Depp & Heather Graham star in a tale of prostitution and 'orrible murder on Humberside in From Hull A bunch of magical kids go to the KFC to sample the new addition to the menu in Harry Potter and the Giblet of Fire

Tsk, tsk. Two letters changed there I believe, unlike... Simpleton finds happiness in Zed's basement in Forest Gimp. Darth Vader gives it to the Rebel Alliance up the dark side in The Empire Strokes Back. Ah, but I'm not the first to bend the rules slightly! To redeem myself, I give you the tale of a brave band of chaps on a quest to buy a ladder : The Fellowship of the Rung

Robert Shaw, Harrison Ford & Barbara Bach go to rescue battery chickens in the sequel 'Forced Hen from Navarone'

Mel Gibson leads a group of ageing Aussie actors, through a strange wonderland, in search of a mysterious man who will help them regain their youth in The Wizend of Oz