Madcow

Hee hee hee. Welcome to the DL. Nice to have you with us.

Not quite a spelling mistake but my daughter spotted that the sex shop in Worcester, aka 'PRIVATE SHOP', has lost so many letters from its sign that it now reads ' I ATE HO ' No doubt the pictures can be purchased inside.....

What was the extra charge for? If your package was delayed by the strike action, I would have paid the tax and refused to pay the postage as compensation for the delay. Then again, I am a complete w*nker. They call it 'Royal Mail Internationnal Handling Charge' I suspect they class it as a payment for being tax collectors for HMR&C. All the same it's a bloody cheek, especially as I had a parcel from China that took less than three days (not two weeks) via DHL and had no extra charges at this end. For future purchases, I shall check delivery charges via courier and, if it costs less than £8 on top of USPS, I'll use them instead.

I have just been rogered up the rear by The Royal Mail! I made a small purchase from th USA costing me £23 upon which I fully expected to pay a couple of quid tax at this end. Today had to pay the Somali Pirates that run the Post Office £11 to redeem my package. £8 of this was the Post Office charge for performing a service that I didn't ask for. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or bend over and ask for another. Do you think I could borrow the spaniel's antibiotic cream for my sore botty??

I would have to go with 'The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse' by Robert Rankin. Makes me laugh every time I read it. An excellent book by all accounts. For those unfamiliar with the works of The Master or with Far Fetched Fiction as a genre in general, Snuff Fiction is probably a good starting point. I think I'll reread it right now. Keep me from posting too much on the Deathlist. Sir, I commend you on your taste in literature. I shall toast you with a pint of large at The Flying Swan.

I would have to go with 'The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse' by Robert Rankin. Makes me laugh every time I read it.

Last week I dreamt that I invented a pizza that was rolled into a cone and filled with donner kebab meat. Last night, I had to find Michael Weatherley's (DiNozzo, NCIS) trousers which had all been lost at the dry cleaners. My excuse is the asthma meds I take which list, among other peculiar side effects, odd dreams.

I confess to knowing very little about baseball other than it's a bugger to play on the Nintendo Wii and I'm pretty sure the console cheats.

I should imagine that most of the youth of today don't know who he is. And I didn't think he was that good anyway, a tad overrated. Isn't this the Russ Abbot thread? He doesn't look a bit like him. Maybe he would have if he had lived longer. Couldn't imagine him singing 'I love a party with a happy atmosphere...' though.

Why in the dreadful Muller Yoghurt advert do they have to squawk 'got my cherry' twice? Could they not think of another fruit? Or was someone really proud of their virginity?

I would like to nominate Vincent Bugliosi the chief prosecutor in the trial thingy of Charles 'Chuckles' Manson. Vinnie is currently 65 years old. In other Manson related news, the husband/widower of victim Sharon Tate, one Roman Polanski has been taken into custody over in Swaziland. Make that Switzerland. He is expected to be accepted into United Atab Emirates cust..... ....oh. My advisors tell me that he will be taken to Yemen before boarding a plane bound for the United States where he has had a cell waiting since pleading guilty some years back to unlawful relations with a minor. Polanski is 66 as of August 18 of this year, which brings us to the odd item. Vincent Buugliosi, the Manson prosecuutor was born on Auguust 18 the year after Polanski was born. What are the odds of that happening? At any rate----and bank loanage rates are lower now than they have been in years-----Bugliosi is 65. I cast my vote for Bugliosi. Now more on Polanski:::::: BBC News on Pollansi detention in Zurich which reads in part:::: Director Roman Polanski has been taken into custody on a 31-year-old US arrest warrant, Swiss police have confirmed. The film-maker, 76, was detained on Saturday as he travelled to Switzerland to collect a lifetime achievement award at the Zurich Film Festival. Mr Polanski admitted unlawful sex with a 13-year-old girl in the US in 1977, but fled to France before sentencing. In recent years, he has tried to have the rape case dismissed, but a US judge formally rejected his requests in May. Mr Polanski was initially indicted on six felony counts and faced up to life in prison. He claims the original judge, who is now dead, arranged a plea bargain but later reneged. Amazing that they probably could have nabbed him countless times in the past 30 years but waited until 'justice' was finally handed out to one of his wife's murderers before making a move.

Isn't this Russ Abbott?

We've just recently acquired the WHO "How to handwash" poster, pinned up in every toilet by stealth. We are not sure by who (no pun intended) but interestingly there has never been any soap in the dispenser so we've had to put our own in and likewise no single use paper towels but a hand drier and a cotton towel for all to use. In other words all the powers that be have done is waste paper, toner, blue-tac, electricity and man hours. Saw this waste of paper today. I particularly enjoyed the last picture which had the the caption 'Now your hands are safe' The urge was to add 'until you grab the door that is now covered by wee from the grubby bitch that just left without washing'

All depends how far you are from the local exchange. Generally broadband ( and it is a general rule) doesnt work to brilliantly if you are over 5Km from the exchange. Over 7km and you are unlikely to have service and what you might get will be only slightly better than dial up. I should know, I do special fault investigations on them The Evil Demons at BT reckon we should get about 4mb, I'd be happy to get 1! The idiot in Poon says 'it takes time to settle in' It'll be demanding its own bedroom and slippers next.

Having just moved in to a 'new build' house, I am currently being blackmailed by BT for all my communication serices (They have not put correct details on their database and, therefore, no other ISP can provide a service to us) So I am now suffering from BT Superfast Broadband which runs at a whopping 0.13 mbps- yes, less than one quarter mbps!. I could get quicker service from a house brick.

I don't even think she was raped. Pete's just released a new album and everyone is on his team - she needs some way of keeping in the papers, and creating this bullshit is just the ticket. And fancy, ringing up Matthew Wright to talk about it - he of the 'ooops did I say John Leslie out loud' malarkey. She's full of sh*t. I thought she was a total waste of space before all this, and now I know I was right. She needs euthanasing. Well said!

Jordan - How do you rape an ugly old slapper who gives it away? In her dreams....................

How about "I want to do a poo at Paul's!" ? Give the kid a clip round the ear and lock him in the stinky bog. And I would like to know why nobody ever questions the people who appear in their kitchens brandishing cleaning products, eg Vanish. Do thy hide out in cupboards waiting for that special moment to jump out? Also, if I'd just bought pizza and my kid dropped it on the floor 'cos he was mucking about with it, the floor is where he would be eating it from.

Sorry to drag us back a pages to this one but... Sainsbury's. They have recently taken it upon themsleves to post signs saying that they will issue £50 fines to people whom they deem to have parked in (i) disabled bays or (ii) "parent & child" bays. I have fundamental issues with this. Firstly, I never ever, EVER park in a disabled bay. It doesn't matter if it's the only parking space left in the car park or if the car park is completely empty with 100 disabled spaces available. I don't park in them. Disabled people don't choose to be disabled and have enough s'hite in their lives without me getting in their way. The fact that some people appear to be abusing the system and have got hold of disabled badges on the basis of having an ingrowing toe-nail or a slight cold is neither here nor there. Disabled spaces are sacrosanct. People with children, however, are a completely different kettle of fish. On the whole, they have chosen to have kids. They often tell me how "rewarding" it is, even though I wish they wouldn't (because my partner & I have tried to create some ourselves and failed. The miscarriage was particularly gutting.) My taxes get used to fund the education system & I don't complain. I don't mind kids running and shouting outside my house or kicking the occasional ball into my garden. I don't hate kids. I don't hate parents of kids, in general. But I do object to being discriminated against, based solely on a lack of procreativity. What gives Sainsbury's the right to banish me to the back of the car-park and exclude me from the larger parking spaces, just because I'm not going to fill my trolley with amusingly-shaped food or "Sunny Delight"? I have a reasonably large car, and don't wish to squeeze it into a small space only to risk some troll in an old ford fiesta parking next to me and smacking his car-door &/or trolley into my paintwork. Now I can't without risking a fine. My options seem to be risk a fine / call their bluff grit my teeth in frustration and rage every time I go shopping and park where they want me to shop on-line and risk getting all the crud that's about to expire shop at Tescos instead, which I despise. steal a child and put it in the car. Am I being unreasonable? Anyway, thanks for listening. I sympathise with you totally. My husband is a wheelchair user and, in general, as long as the parking space is oversized to enable us to get the chair in and out, we don't mind wheeling across a car park. However, I do object to i) parent & child parking being closer to the shop than the disabled spaces and ii) people using the disabled spaces whose disabilties are not due to a lack of mobility (deaf or ginger or something). The latter is very annoying at hotels in particular where disabled spaces are usually restricted to two or three (even in big hotels!) 'cos it's a right pain trying to carry luggage and push a wheelchair. If you take your elderly parent, can you still use parent & child spaces?

I was amused to read that these tests were "not being undertaken to embarass her" (him?) If that's true, why was it spread all over the news? It must have taken them seconds to get on the phone with the story!

Find it unbelievable that we've awarded him a state pension - surely he didn't keep up his National Insurance contributions during his years in sunny Rio. My mum worked all her life and gets nothing bcause she only paid married women's stamp. Disgraceful!

Down the pub, looking for a fight. Why don't you buy a goldfish and put it in with it for a bit of fun for the fish, and you and the kids? I don't think me and the kids would fit in the tank........ Could be right about the pub, though!

Seconds to go! All gone! But what a moment. Bugger, misssed it.

This evening our Siamese Fighting Fish decided to jump out of the tank. This is not the first time it has done this. I wonder where she thinks she's going.....?

Yes, I thought the comments were a little OTT considering the overall tone of the thread. However, I have broad shoulders and a wide enough back for plenty more knives. Of course, we all know that the dingos were set up, so I apologise to them and them alone.