Bald rick

Or, you could use the existing thread. It's still on the first page, so not too hard to find...

AND YOU CAN F**K OFF AN' ALL, NOTAPOTATO, YOU WORTHLESS PRI*CK. WHAT, HAVE YOU GOT SOME SORT OF SUBMISSIVE STREAK, HAVE YOU, YOU W*NKER? WELL YOU CAN P*SS OF AND SELF-FLAGELLATE FOR 20 MINUTES WHILE I SIT HERE AND DIDDLE OVER IT. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ARS*HOLE... It's almost as if she knows you. This Bowman lady has a remarkable turn of phrase. What a delightfully couth person she seems to be. Congratulations to her parents for bringing her up so well and endowing her with such an extensive vocabulary. Shame Caps lock is stuck on her keyboard though. (not sure what the * in 'PRI*CK' is hiding)

Apparently there is a 92 year old Icelander who has bequeathed his 'old man' to the museum when he finally pops his clogs. That will complete their collection of a specimen from every mammal species inhabiting Iceland.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Peter Falk isn't going to die. Silly you. Please, Six, try understanding the post you're replying to before before flopping out another meaningless one-liner. What did I not understand in the post? You suggested that Peter Falk would possibly be following Van Dyke and Forsyth in their deaths at some point in the future. I simply informed you of your mistake. As I said before, Peter Falk is not going to die. So, explain to me what I didn't understand. Oh, and thank you Lady Die for defending me I've just re-read the original post, and Mr Star Crossed said that Columbo will be on the trail of the guilty party, ie will be still alive and chasing the culprit. Seems clear to me. BTW I have no axe to grind, just adding my 10 cents' worth. For what it's worth, I like Six too - fellow Somersettian and all that!

Nooooooooooo!

So, Workingon (sic) means 'Working town'. Where does the name Cockermouth come from?

I have been known on occasion to watch a game of 'footie' as I believe it's called. I don't like the idea of chewing gum and spitting a lot, which it seems are prerequisites for anyone involved with the game. I think I might just lose my patience with watching grown men rolling around on the floor pretending to be injured and go and give them a real injury to make them roll around instead, preferably using a large stick with a nail through the end. Bloody bunch of softies. Or maybe it's not like that in the 'lower leagues', or in the dim and distant north. In short, I'm probably as well qualified for the job as anyone who hasn't already turned it down. However I don't think my wife and young daughter could cope with the constant media intrusion, and the stress wouldn't be good for me, so it is with reluctance that I will also have to turn the offer down, if indeed it comes my way. Sorry.

It does appear from your regular updates that the Carlisle job isn't that desirable. All the candidates you've mentioned seem to have been falling over themselves to gain alternative employment as soon as possible after you've mentioned them. Is there something we should be told?

I suggest you try these tips: 1. Cut up Mrs V's credit cards. 2. and 3. stay at home for the rest of your life, with the doors and windows closed. Eventually, this may remove the need for you to do as recommended in 1. 4. Don't watch it. 5. Don't eat in front of the TV. 6. Don't listen to Radio 2 before 9.30 each morning, don't watch Eurovision, don't watch Children in Need. Hope this helps.

What's a "spiky" start? It's where they won the toss, and elected to play on a field of thistles. Eeyore would win that one hands (hooves?) down. Hope this helps,

I just fancied a change. Daleks can be sexy too. I used to go out with a Dalek. Great kisser but the eye used to get in the way. I agree, though they always seem to play hard to get. Now matter how hard I tried I could never get a lady Dalek to follow me upstairs to the bedroom. Please excuse my ignorance, but can you be sure it was a lady Dalek? Maybe you misread some of the appendages and made what could have been a fatal assumption, were it not for the fact that you have stairs in your abode. Lucky escape, methinks.

This should help you even more!

I thought this was what it was all about. That seems to be the sort of event which gets the British media most excited anyway.

I hope none of them have a degree in anthropology. Or are Belgian.

Mmm, nice choice of words to use about a Jewish fat man! I'm sure he would appreciate that, if he was in a fit state to appreciate anything.

Tomorrow I think you'll find.

The daft thing about most of those town websites is that they don't actually tell you where the bloody place is. Could be Benbecula for all the information they give you. A bit of recearch brought forth the information that it's in Somerset. Which reminded me of the time I got pished in The Old Library in Taunton. At the time, I was considering writing a story about a bookshop which doubled as a pub in the evening, so I was more than a little astounded to run into this place with all the bookshelves hanging from the roof, just like I'd imagined. Naturally I had to have a couple of drinks to settle my nerves. I still think of it as the library. Only been in there once since it became yet another soulless Tauntonian drinking den though, as I don't live down there anymore. My brother's stag night started there, and he was half-cut by the time we left at about 8.30. Happy days...

And don't forget the crematorium just up the road.

What a fab doggie! I agree. Much cuter than this one.

I think you'll find that should be fewer. Bring it on...

Having read Paul Kimmage's Rough Ride not so long ago, I would have to agree. Speed and so many other non-prescribed pharmaceuticals.

One of my pet hates (mainly with spoken English) is the overuse of 'myself' instead of 'I' or 'me'. Just because the word has more syllables, people think it makes them sound more erudite. It doesn't. It just makes them sound like a pillock. And another thing - why do people say 'work colleagues'? What other sort of colleague is there?

Yes, I expect the children are drawing straws to be the one to press the pillow over her face...

You're a bit slow with that one: posted 3 weeks ago.

No. It would appear that my jaw bone has just eroded. You git.