Windsor

Calm down, calm down. I like this thread - so that should be enough justification for its continuation. Where else on this forum would we have been able to have such an interesting slanging match about Oliver Cromwell?

Not to mention Susan Atkins and Norman Wisdom who we thought would be lucky to see in 2009. I did get Cundy though...

Controversially about 12,000 years ago. Anthropologist speak for some diminutive Hominid apparently. Perhaps Banshees is coming around to the idea that we are decendants of apes. Yes, I was naïve and foolish to doubt Professor Banshee. Talking of the devil, it seems to be all quiet on the Banshees front. Perhaps he has got himself a boy/girlfriend. Or just another direction to focus his wank towards. I think he wanked himself to death, and his decomposing corpse, slumped over his jizz-covered keyboard, has not yet been discovered because his mum can't get through his bedroom door cos it's blocked by spunk-starched socks. Haven't there been a few cases of swine flu in New York? We can live in hope...

Max Mosely's son, Alexander, has died of a drugs overdose aged 39 years.

They were certainly happy years for me. But then I was only aged 0-3 years, and only really lived through her downfall...

I'm told that the oil rig my brother-in-law is currently on is under quarantine. He said that one of the people on the rig went to a fotball match with the guy that was Britain's first confirmed case. The friend is said to be feeling under the weather, and nobody is allowed off or on the rig until all their test results come back. So that must be a barrel of laughs...

Charlie Chaplin?

God damned Republicans. I've changed sides again.

Maybe we should cash in on humanity's demise, and buy shares in the company that makes those masks?

I suppose being in Scotland you really can justify running round and shouting the legendary Rab C Nesbits immortal line "Swine that you are!" I probably shouldn't be so confident in Aberdeen University's contingency plan. During a rather bad outbreak of plague in the 1640s, Aberdeen University's 'contingency plan' was to move all their students to the doomed University of Fraserburgh. All they achieved in doing that was spreading the disease from the city to the countryside...

Aberdeen University have sent out an email to all their students. We are not to panic, because Aberdeen Uni has a contingency plan. I'm sorted, so f**k the lot of yous.

They say you can only catch swine flu if you've been with an infected pig recently. Jack Tweed must be shitting himself.

Wasn't the guy wearing a Millwall t-shirt at the time? Which suggests that he was looking for trouble? (Since we are generalising)

That is taking the piss, surely? My rendition of Jade the muscial...

If I did that, I would have come off worst. The law would come down against me. I'm already expecting the police to turn up at my door to give me an asbo for breach of peace and child abuse for shouting at a 'minor'.

Cheeky little bastard chavs. Whilst walking home tonight, a bunch of cunty neds decided to give me cheek (whilst slagging off a friend I was with). They were being very noisy, kicking the bus shelter and being generally annoying. I heard them before I turned the corner. So I spoke back and told the little bastards to shut the f**k up. We then spent the next couple of minutes arguing. Can't remember much, but I can remember calling them 'childish little bastards' and generally poked fun at their crap come backs. When I walked away the first time, the ringleader shouted the inevitable 'thats right, you walk away'. He looked fairly sheeping when I went back for a very short round two. Whilst I was slagging him he started screaming and kicking the bus shelter, playing up to his pals. So I laughed at him telling him not to throw his toys out of the pram. He continued shouting insults as I walked away but I adviced him to stop because 'I can shout louder that you'. He then shut up, and I was on my way. The good news is that I didn't get stabbed, and I think he was left feeling cheap. So that was my childish exchange for the day...

Nicely put, Tempus...

Jack Cardiff has died aged 94 years. He was a director according to that article....

I'll feel bad if he doesn't die. He is my joker on the DDP. I don't regret choosing him now.

Cambridge University say that Stephen Hawking is very ill in hospital. (BBC News Ticker)

Thanks. In the end I just took a photo of the photo with a digital camera, used the crop tool, and reduced the size. It does the job.

The new owners turned out not to be as bad as the rumours suggested. I will have a job for at least 3 years. Hopefully I won't still need it by then... Anyway - new problem. Last night I scanned a picture. It is quite big and I need to reduce the size. How do I reduce the size without it going all wonky?

Did ie fall out with someone, or did she just get a life? I can't keep track these days.

Happy Birthday ie+ (wherever you are).

Same here. Believe it or not, I give quite alot of my time to other people. You think that you are helping them, but you generally find that you are being used. Not that I am suggesting that I am in any way half-decent.