Windsor

Here, what the fuck happened to football_fan? Is he deed?

That sounds like something I would've liked to witness.

Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe.treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. When me and my sister lived at home, we shared a bedroom, and she did tapestry for a hobby. One day I stepped on a tapestry needle that she'd obviously lost or dropped, and it went RIGHT IN MY FOOT ABOUT A CENTIMETRE, and I had to stand there trying not to vom while she pulled it out. Now that fucking hurt. I once had a paper cut. :-( Carboard cuts hurt like buggery. I sliced my finger while opening a laser printer toner cartridge box. My friend Douglas hit me on the forehead with a golf club when I was 11. He said it was an accident.

This one still makes me laugh: Letter from Tesco Dear Mrs. Marsh, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr Joseph Marsh has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and have considered banning your entire family from shopping in any of our stores nationwide. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our workers are attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr Marsh have been compiled and are listed below: Memo: re – Mr Joseph Marsh Complaints - Things Mr Joseph Marsh has done while his wife was shopping in our store: 1. June 22: Took 18 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolley’s when they weren't looking. 2. July 4: Set all the alarm clocks in household department to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. July 9: Made a trail of tomato ketchup on the floor leading to the toilets. 4. July 21: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 5' in fruit and veg..... and then watched what happened. 5. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 17: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in for a cup of tea if they would bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. September 29: When a shelf stacker asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and demands, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?” 8. October 31: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose in a disgusting fashion. 9. December 2: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme tune. 10. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled “Pick me! Pick me!” 11. December 23: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the foetal position and screams, “NO! NO! It's those voices again!” And; last, but not least! 12. December 24: Went into a fitting room in the clothing department, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" Please shop elsewhere. Yours, etc.

I have no idea if this is new or old, but it popped up on my facebook page: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!" Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!!

To be honest, as a citizen of a country where royal titles, peerages and knighthoods were abolished decades ago, I have to confess that I am not the greatest fan of the royal family. For me, Prince Phillip always seemed like a lucky but utterly useless halfwit, who married well but didn't really have a proper job (or genuine achievements) at any time in his life, and someone who (along with his grandkid Harry) periodically embarasses the countries of which his wife is a sovereign with his gaffes and stupidity. I also knew that he was already well decorated, so what does a 456th medal/title even mean to him? And knowing that his wife is the sovereign of Australia, I thought that he would be knighted either by her or his own son, Charles, which seemed like a ridiculous idea. All in all, it may not be unusual, but for me, it seemed like a waste of a perfectly good opportunity to honour someone with... well, some actual achievements or efforts put into making Australia a better place. I'm putting you on my list of enemies...

Its not unusual for a Prince to receive a knighthood...particularly if it is a higher honour...which presumably an Australian knighthood is. For example he is already: A Royal Knight of the Order of the Garter (1947) - England An Extra Knight of the Order of the Thistle (1952) - Scotland First and Principal Knight of the Order of the British Empire - United Kingdom Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Order of the Redeemer (1947) - Greece Knight of the Order of the Elephant (1947) - Denmark Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Order of the Phoenix (1950) - Greece Knight Grand Cross of the Order of St. Charles (1951) - Monaco Knight Grand Cross with Collar of the Royal Norwegian Order of St. Olaf (1952) - Norway Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Manual Amador Guerrero (1953) - Panama Knight of the Royal Order of the Seraphim (1954) - Sweden Knight Grand Cross with Chain of the Order of the Queen of Sheba (1954) - Ethiopia Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Tower and Sword (1955) - Portugal Knight Grand Cross of the National Order of the Legion of Honour (1957) - France Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Merit of the Republic (1958) - Italy Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Netherlands Lion (1958) - Netherlands Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Ojaswi Rajanya (1960) - Nepal Knight Grand Band of the Order of the Star of Africa (1961) - Liberia Knight Grand Cross Extraordinary of the Orer of Boyaca (1962) - Columbia Knight Grand Cross of the National Order of Merit (1962) - Ecuador Knight Grand Cross of the National Order of the Southern Cross (1962) - Brazil Knight Grand Cross Extraordinary of the National Order of Merit (1962) - Paraguay Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Liberator General San Martin (1962) - Argentina Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Falcon (1963) - Iceland Knight of the Order of the Gold Lion of the House of Nassau (1972) - Luxembourg Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Aviz (1979) - Portugal Knight Grand Cross of the Royal and Distinguished Spanish Order of Carlos III (1986) - Spain Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Christ (1993) - Portugal So a Knight of the Order of Australia? What's unusual about that?

With regards Facebook: I generally use mine as alternative Room 101 thread....

That is a recipe for the status quo.Except on a much more hardline basis - similar to the late 70s and early 80s. It's a recipe for the kind of "democracy" enjoyed by much of the western world in which a multitude of parties have to fight it out because nobody wins outright. Only if you change the voting system to accurretely corret votes I am suspecting that the minor parties will suffer from what I will call the Scotland effect. Many voters will claim they are going to vote UKIP or Green but at the last minute fear of 'letting the wrong one in' will bring out the basic tribal instincts and we will get a narrow majority for one of the two major parties. Ironically I think this may not apply to the SNP who could seriously damage Labour's chances of an outright majority. The SNP will be destroyed. That is all.

Damn kids...

In my view she had never stated she will never abdicate. She can still "devote herself to service" without being Queen.

The thing is Prince Phillip will probably be dead by November 2017. I see no reason for that statement. He still keeps himself busy, he still seems to have his marbles, and he is still physically fit for his age. Indeed, his frailties have brought on the odd hospital stay but he's still got his wits, and seems to have the focus and discipline his navy days gave him. Maybe his navy days gave him something else too? "Blast this syphilis!" BTW the Queen has already started "a transition" of duties to Charlie and announced a slowing down of her own duties. If she's feeling like being a silly old bint she'll retire one day after she beats Queen Victoria's record or something which is a really stupidly Richard Osman-like way of doing things. If she wants to be sensible she should just announce she's handing over to Charles in April or something like that. Her 90th Birthday seems like a good date for an abdication.

I'm 28 in July. I've been a member here for 10 years this year.

The thing is Prince Phillip will probably be dead by November 2017. I see no reason for that statement. He still keeps himself busy, he still seems to have his marbles, and he is still physically fit for his age.

The next big anniversaries will be 65 years on the throne in February 2017 and the 70th wedding anniversary in November 2017. By that stage she will be 90/91, and he will be 95/96. If I'm honest, after the age of 90 I think its her duty to give serious consideration to abdicating.

Her dad was only 56... As far as I'm aware the Queen isn't smoking a duty free pack a day. Nor does she pickle herself to the same extent as the Queen Mother.

Her dad was only 56...

The King is dead! Long...live...the...king? King Salaman, b. 1935

BBC News have confirmed on ticker.

He almost made my DDP...as signified by his position on my shadow list. Shit, shit, and shit again!

Presumably both photos are not from the same event? Unless she underwent a wardrobe change?

I back an absolute monarchy. Seems like the only way not to end up Alex Salmond/Nick Clegg/ Nigel Farage as Deputy Prime Minster...and the only way not to end up with David Cameron/Ed Miliband as Prime Minster. Democracy...what a load of old shit!

If you picked Gerald Sim I would say tough shit... He's been dead for a month with no obit. Thats what you get for going obscure. Its not like he is the widow of a well known Attenborough...

Incidentally Gladys Hooper, Britain's oldest person, celebrated her 112th Birthday today. Looks like she might hold that title for a while. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-30873151

Just looked at the probable winner's team...not many celebrities though. Also, just to clarify...Henry Sandon, not Sandison. My error, not yours.