Mr Stats

You'd like to think he was being ironic but with Americans you just can't be sure

Oh sorry was I supposed to do something here? Righty, no update from Denis since pre-Xmas. All the usual articles on how he's beating cancer and the Manchester Evening Post jumping the gun as usual with a how he has "beaten" cancer story right next to the Man Utd sign Zidane, Nedved and Ronaldo story (no the other Ronaldo) Anyway while prostrate cancer is not to be dismissed lightly, it's very treatable if caught early enough. It's only life threatening if you ignore the symptoms for too long. Anyone out there with lumps in their sack should see the doctor asap - especially women Mr Stats

Dear Reaper I don't think Cowboy Ronnie is on message with the "let's not offend anyone" mission statement I suspect he's bitter that none of his family will ever be famous enough to have their deaths speculated on. Assuming any of them still talk to him. Mr Stats

Dear All We are clearly talking about Ronnie's ability as El Pres and not his current condition which is hardly his fault. Love the supposition from Zardoz that Ronnie's foreign policy was the solution to Al Qaeda and not symptomatic of the cause Let's not even go anywhere near who funded Saddam and the Taliban in the first place. Idiot gets my vote Mr Stats Official Death List Cretin

I'm with you on this one Phil, it's like saying "Hey anyone noticed the Pope's not looking too chipper?"

It's a tough test with pretty strict criteria. I saw him laugh once, back in '65. That was before 'Nam.

Malcolm Allison??

Hell, I've just found out that Bob Stokoe passed away last weekend as well. We're having a bit of a run on charismatic 1970's football managers. Is it too late to get Brian Clough sneaked onto this year's list??

To be fair, if I had been slated to appear in Scary Movie II, there might have been a mystery illness to suddenly jepordise my participation. Mentally therefore I think he's sound.

Well he has a point, I mean what hasn't been Guardian Web Site of the Day When I become terminally ill I hope that I'll be famous enough to be nominated as a candidate on the Death List. It's tricky to achieve anything constructive by dying otherwise. Mr Stats (Thinking of running for parliament or something)

I do I don't watch on purpose, it's just on as I drift through the lounge on my way to choir practice or my needlework class

Isn't she a bit old for him?

Don't be silly - it's Ronnie from Eastenders On his deathbed and everything apparently, not that I watch

In the interest of balance I'd like to point out that while Cowboy Ronnie is indeed a xenophobic American, I am a xenophobic Frenchman. Hope that clears something up

Still no girlfriend then Ronnie??

DWB I am pretty confident that Richard Attenborough is still with us as well as David McCallum. You need to tighten up your research department Mr Stats

Chest pains my arse He's having his nose done again

a) Alzheimer's is not a killer - the USA's greatest ever President is testimony to that b ) Even I've never heard of him - who was he? c) Don't care today

What analysis would you like to see.

Dear Beatle (Any one?) Please please please don't mention Patrick Moore. It upsets Grim Reaper. I'll write the others down but we're only in January Mr Stats

Gents Johnnie Walker (not to be confused with the inventor of whiskey) is pencilled in for a return to his show in early Feb Update on health here http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/walker/jw_message.shtml I suggest a watching brief Mr Stats

Dear Kuk Larry Hagman definately not yet dead yet. He underwent major liver transplant in 1995 but has been fine since then. He is going to be 73 this year but all seems well with him. Mr Stats

Dear Reaper I take exception to the implication that just because we all voted against your idea it means we not "progressive". Maybe we voted against it because it was daft. Eh? Eh? Eh? Mr Stats

Hopefully that will put paid to another series of Auf Wiedersehn Pet

Ronnie You've never heard of anyone. Andy Fordham is a legend amongst us armchair sports fans. If he can be world champion then so can I. Just need to find the right sport. Mr Stats