honez

No doubt, being superior to everyone here, you correctly picked all these people on January 1 for your Dyslexic Deathlist. What was your point again?

Talk like a f'uckwit using this handy translator.

I'll give you one guess. And no isn't an option.

Oh goody, I love cryptic crosswords! How many letters? Banshee's Scream, like Jackson, seemed to be almost like an object at the end. 4,3 F_ _ _ W_ _

I've just recovered from a bout of the flu. Swine flu is so rampant here, my GP didn't even bother to test for it. So I could have had it but will never know. I did have a jab for the normal seasonal flu a while back, so the odds are I had H1N1. It wasn't as bad as the normal flu, but it lingered on like a fart in lift.

Apart from the USA'n vernacular, this bloke's got the right idea. Love it.

Bring on The Stig, I reckon.

It's still there NAP, it became Bar Oz in the '90s and now it's Coopers, named after the grocery store it used to be when I was a kid. I think the Coopers name is still embedded into the pavement outside on a brass plaque. As far as I know the original deco is still in place. Wasn't it across the road from Clatty Pat's? I used to eat at Chimmy's too and I recall the opening night of Bar Oz, which was opened by a former neighbours actress, not Kylie Minogue, not Natalie Imbruglia, not Holly Valance, the one with the blonde bob, pert bosom and pouty lips; I forget her name, who made a brief appearance to much wolf-whistling from the assembled Glasgow Uni freshers and west-end hipperati. (Emma Harrison Had to google it, it was bugging me.) Cleopatra's (clatty pats) is the only bar I've ever been thrown out of. It was a regular haunt of the One Devonshire Gardens staff when we couldn't be bothered to go to The Tunnel or The Arches (or, in my case, the Sub Club cos I was a trance music junkie back in the day). I got thrown out of there for sparking up a reefer. If I'd bottled someone or break-danced in a pool of my own vomit (about the only feasible lubricant on a dancefloor that sticky), they probably would have given me a free pint but no... When my gf of the time moved to london, I used to send her flowers every week from the grocers/flowers shop on the same side as Chimmy's, down towards the bridge. I forget the name of the place, but I imagine they're still doing a good trade. I loved the smell of that place. Until the bitch dumped me. Arum lillies don't come cheap when you're a student, but thankfully relationships do. Well, sort of. Sometimes. Occasionally. What's that in my hand? Two Aces? You get my drift. I have happy memories of Chimmy Chungas from my time in Glasgow. I wonder if I was ever in there at the same time as Star Crossed? Did you ever go for a quiet evening out at the Art School, SC? I think I went to Chimmy's on one of my very first nights out in Scotland and can still remember by glee turning to disappointment when I thought I had been massively overchanged at the bar, only to return to my seat and find out that £1 notes still existed north of the border... Well, I for one would never be caught dead at Chimmy's. I used to drink at the Nag's Head in Wrexham. A much classier joint, all around, apparently. Probably because there were no Glaswegians there.

Obviously not as much as Dr Death or Drabux have available to them. But you wouldn't know anything about that would you, Hater? Now, kindly fcuk off. I've got better things to do than feed a troll with a multiple personality disorder. C'ockspanner.

Make your own slide for the kids paddling pool. I wonder how many attempts he had before he got it right?

Get your kid a Tat.

Down the pub, looking for a fight. Why don't you buy a goldfish and put it in with it for a bit of fun for the fish, and you and the kids?

Ronnie to be freed, as his condition is not expect to improve, or summat, says Jack Straw, Britain's minister for Thieving Bastards.

Therese Rein, wife of Australian PM, KRudd, carted off to hospital with crook guts.

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns. Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money. Oh Handy, you are harsh!! I take it you have to take said Muppets to task on a fairly regular basis? If I were to open account at your branch and I, well I sort of acted like a Muppet and made myself a security risk, would you take me to task over it? Would you consider me a naughty boy? Would you take me to your office out the back and "show me the error of my ways?" Bring a big ruler with you........... Please? Get in line Actually, to get that kind of treatment you'd need to something really stupid, like send a photograph of your car for proof of ID, cellotape a bunch of pubic hairs to your application form or choose "fuckoffcockbreath" for your User name (all those things have happened). So yeah, I tend to get a bit annoyed when people diss bank staff. Not to say we don't make mistakes or that all staff a great, there are some arseholes on both sides. The first few hours of my day are spent looking through newly registered accounts to check they're not being targetted by fraudsters and it is the most tedious thing imaginable. I recently changed my Bank's details to include my preferred contact names to be "Dude." There's nothing funnier than an Indian Call Centre c'ockspanner having to try to be all official, whilst calling me dude.

By mostly harmless do you mean in the Douglas Adams sense? Or is this a conundrum in the Mensa challenge mould? Viz: "gentle" is to Lord Fellatio Nelson, as "mostly harmless" is to...

You've probably found the most relevant thread on the right subforum (proof if need be there are so many random threads in random places) if a little late, I wouldn't know, I ignore the DL gestapo, however on the subject of etiquette could you turn it down a little? Please. Of course feel free to ignore me like I ignore the other 57 anal bastards around here. I like a rebel, except of course when they choose to use comic sans or support southampton What's wrong with Southampton? Bugger, nothing (well apart from the heartbreakingly obvious). That should have read P'ortsmouth. Also ignoring the 57 anal bastards, would it be too out of the way to ask for the use of "on" between died and Monday? He died on Monday. I think you'll find it's fifty eight.

Ah, that reminds me of the time I forwarded on an email from a senior executive at my work, specifically pointing out the amount of "content-free waffle" contained in his address-to-the-troops type of message. I hit send, and half a second later, realised I hadn't filled out the email address of the person I wished to forward it on to. It took approximately one Ohnosecond for it to dawn on me that I'd originally hit REPLY instead of FORWARD before adding my generous insights on the content of his email. I never did get any response, but I've since heard the term "content-free waffle" being used by some of our management team. Come the revolution, I'm gonna be first against the wall. Given that there are over 5,000 employees in the organisation I work for, I'm glad I didn't hit REPLY ALL.

Frank McCourt has gone in to a hospice and is reported to have only weeks left to live. He is dead, now. Here's an interesting little snippet about Frank McCourt's unusual teaching style. I wish I'd had a teacher like that.

Happy birthday young Windsor. Graduation beers and birthday cake all in quick succession. Congratulations!

No, I think you are funny. In both senses of the word. Even your insults are poorly thought out, weakly constructed and executed like a complete cockjockey. You seem to be even more illiterate and lacking in thought than I had bargained for. Top marks.

I don't know who this Patrick Swaize is that you refer to, but the only other road movie Swayze could make would have to be called Roadkill. PS there's no need to tag your posts with the date, as your posts are automatically tagged with the date and time, same goes for your member ID.

Referring to yourself in the third person, whilst simultaneously using terrible punctuation, awful grammar in a Banshee-like posting format, and packing in such a lack of content and completely unwarranted and unjustified feeling of self-importance, certainly flags you as one of the biggest twats we've had breeze by for quite some time. It's refreshing to see such unjustified egos don't exist only in the US. Please spare us any references to your superior IQ, dyslexia or any other kind of self-justification for posting drivel.

I recently went on a fishing trip, but this one got away.