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honez

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Everything posted by honez

  1. honez

    Room 101

    Here you go Lardy, three easy steps... How to tile a bathroom How to plumb a bathroom How to look like a plumber
  2. honez

    Fort William Football Club

    Turriff eh. Thats not too far away from me. If I had an interest in football I might have went... Oh, Windsor. Someone might think you're trolling. Anyway, it's not football. It's far more important than that, it's Fort William FC. I think you should go and give us a full write up. It's not like you've got band practise to go to or anything.
  3. honez

    Ask A Deathlister

    A bloke I used to work with once found a nipple complete with hair in a bag of pork scratchings. He showed it off, had a laugh, then ate it.
  4. Finally a feel good story of a scammer (rather than spammer) that got some swift justice. http://www.dslreports.com/shownews/Lets-Me...y-Scammer-86251
  5. honez

    Hooroo, Mate.

    Uhm... one in each then?
  6. honez

    Animal Antics

    ... Pining for the Fjords, he was... (and by "buried at sea," does that mean he was flushed down the toilet? Poor 'lil fella.)
  7. Have a quick kip on the bathroom floor, but make sure you wake up before the coroner arrives.
  8. honez

    Facebook

    Facebook keeps 'deleted' user photos online for years. Direct URLs of 'deleted' information still available 30+ months later. Why would anyone expect them to delete the vast mine of freely supplied, correlated and cross-linked user information in their data warehouse? 'Deletion' in their case appears to be deletion of the web-facing interface, not deletion of the source. No surprise there.
  9. honez

    Margaret Thatcher

    She can't. It's all part of the reptilian bodysuit she was given when she hatched. It's looking like it might need a bit of a dry clean, iron and refit now as it's getting a bit saggy.
  10. honez

    A Joke

  11. honez

    Room 101

    Next to Asterix and small Prince?
  12. honez

    Rugby Players

    Former All Blacks coach John Mitchell has been stabbed at his apartment in South Africa after mistaking an intruder for his practical-joking flatmate. Treated and released from hospital after being stabbed in the arm and thigh.
  13. Great stuff. Just like the good old days. For the record, I like the whinges. I like the rants. I like the banter back and forth between the regulars and I like a good stoush every once in a while. I like the black humour and I like the fact that there are "regulars" here, whether you like 'em or loathe them. It's like a good old public bar boozy discussion. I don't care much for nutters on the interweb, or in life generally, but they do allow you the opportunity to sharpen your teeth and provide sport and entertainment of a sort. I feel a bit like Waldorf and Statler at times, but nevertheless, carry on...
  14. Show your support for your favourite band by proudly wearing a "Jesus is a cunt" T-shirt depicting a semi-naked masturbating Nun on the front, just like this bloke did. I bet his mum's chuffed to bits.
  15. honez

    Norman Wisdom

    There's no evidence! You say that like it's going to be a problem. Your innocence won't last long on the inside MPFC.
  16. honez

    Norman Wisdom

    Sounds like he had a pretty poor life to start with...
  17. honez

    George Michael, Innit Peeps

    But his hiccups have gone.
  18. Check out lesbians who look like Justin Bieber.
  19. honez

    Michael Douglas

    I can see your cynicism but - oddly - I'd contend that, against all expectations, Catherine Zeta Jones did become a better actress after having Michael Douglas in her. If I'd had my tea, which I haven't yet, it would now be all down my jumper with all diced carrots in it. Thanks for that image, Mary....... ... the reason being that after having MD in her, her acting skills would indisputably have improved; "oh Micky, you're the best." I mean, "It's just so B I G ", "Oooh, it's soooo huge, you almost touched the sides," etc, etc.
  20. honez

    Tony Curtis

    Got a real LOL from me Lardy.
  21. Go for a ride on your Segway along the cliffs, followed by a swim.
  22. honez

    Docter Docter!

    Makes you wonder...exactly how would you stumble across this remedy? Cure me hiccups before you go go...
  23. honez

    Docter Docter!

    Do you or someone you know have hiccups? This'll cure it. And there rests the case for the defence M'lud.
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