Star Crossed

Will you be going out and talking to real people? *shudder* Might have to, I suppose... It's not as much fun to ask them what they're wearing if you can see them, is it?

Yes; balloons, bunting and party poppers are in short supply in Lebanon currently. Maybe the Israelis are waiting until humanitarian aid shipments of party supplies have been delivered before announcing Sharon's demise?

Thankyou one and all for your kind birthday wishes Yes, 32, almost a third of the way to my century. As Mr BHB said, a LONG way from 40 but old enough to know that time passes with increasing rapidity as we reach these rarified plateaus of longevity. I have ordered my walking stick from www.curmudgeonclobber.com I may not be in the chat tonight, for a change, so there'll be one less person to flirt with but I'll be in there every other night, probably.

It can't all be true, surely... I saw at least one post by iain up there, for a kick-off.

Got to the "parallel parking" bit, 3rd level, then touched the car behind me ever-so-slightly. Game Over! I can see that game becoming addictive for bored office workers, so I've just sent it to a few The fact that one tiny touch of another car means "Game Over" is irritating, though. Still, there's not much that doesn't irritate me

Maybe everyone's been in the chatroom to relieve their drunken boredom.

Strapping some explosives onto yourself, going on the London Eye, getting to the top and blowing yourself up in your glass bubble carriage thing. On New Year's eve. (maybe with a huge bag of anthrax spores; that would almost guarantee notoriety)

I've a couple of suggestions... For you skim-readers, I've highlighted the salient words. Run towards the space shuttle, seconds from launch (ok, hard to achieve I know), handcuff yourself onto one of the supporting struts, then when the engines fired you'd be burned to a crisp, live on telly in front of millions of people. Failing that, how about constructing a portable guillotine, withdrawing all your savings in small-denomination bank notes, taking them to [insert very busy street here, possibly Oxford Street on Christmas eve, or Times Square on New Year's eve], set the guillotine up, throw the money all around so there's a stampede, preferably blocking traffic and then chop your own head off. You'd at least make page 2 of the local press

Posting the same post in two threads? Mr Hopkins will be paying you a visit. In the meantime, stare at the kitty... [i have removed his duplicate post - ff]

I read it on the the previous page of this thread.

I'd like to lay claim to the official DL record for time spent in one session in the DL chat. I went in at 20:24 on Friday 11th August, and left at 04:30 this morning Saturday 12th August; a grand total of 8 hours 6 minutes. I was actively engaged in conversation for around 7 of those hours. That, I contend, is the longest anyone's spent in there. Call Norris McWhirter, get Roy Castle up and let's rubber-stamp the attempt. Thanks to Lady Grendel, Slave To The Grave, Notapotato, Windsor and Banshees Scream for helping me get through the challenge. Just a shame I couldn't have engaged more of you in conversation. I may make another attempt later in the year, I'll publicise it first though, get the support going... p.s. I think it should revert to being called Dead Chat.

If you have 5½ minutes to spare, check out Billy's Balloon. It gets better towards the end. Not having the sound on is no disadvantage.

I know someone who likes to cross-dress, yes. Unfortunately they're not famous.

Careful, mpfc, we don't want Mr. Roberts thinking he'll need his flak-jacket at their next gig!

I'm virtually certain that you're the DL village idiot, iain. It's virtually impossible that anyone else feels differently. If you ever get a prediction correct to within 48 hours, I'll leave, you piss-ant. p.s. I've got my fingers crossed, just like you did. Careful. He did get Stanley Kunitz right. If you unload a machine gun into a barrel, you're bound to hit a fish every now and then. Especially if you're an expert in "medicun" Fair play. I'll get a slice of humble pie out the fridge. iain'll always be a kunitz in my book, though. Back on topic, I'm rather a fan of Fidel's. Having enjoyed puffing the odd Cuban in my time (insert joke here), I'm glad to have contributed to the economy of his beautiful, if somewhat overrun with feelthy Americanos, country.

That's how I feel about posts which consist only of emoticons, or like when Six just blindly agrees with everything someone else posts. That's how I feel about members who post over and over and over and over again whinging about iain. That's how I feel about people who just blatantly don't give a f*ck about standards and aren't willing to complain when the overall quality of posts goes down the toilet. I feel that if more people actually had the cohonas to stand up and be counted, there'd be less people treating the DL like a little girls' chatroom and more people actually being creative with their posts. Maybe everyone's begging to see a ranter drop by, 'cos there's sweet f*ck-all excitement to be gleened from the same 10 people posting thoughtless rubbish all day every day. I know you all think my only purpose here is to whinge. Well, it didn't start out that way, but f*ck it, someone has to call a spade a spade and I'm that person, apparently. It doesn't make me popular with the ignorant masses but, for me, that's a badge of honour. Fact is, the creative/funny/clever/pithy/cutting-edge posts that used to draw ranters and such-like here hardly exist anymore. It's gone from beautiful black & white to shades of grey. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. I'd like to think that by "whinging over and over and over again" at the poor quality of people's inane drivel, maybe I'm helping in some small way to get the impression across that members should actually put some thought into most of their posts, not just one in a hundred.

I'm virtually certain that you're the DL village idiot, iain. It's virtually impossible that anyone else feels differently. If you ever get a prediction correct to within 48 hours, I'll leave, you piss-ant. p.s. I've got my fingers crossed, just like you did.

That's how I feel about posts which consist only of emoticons, or like when Six just blindly agrees with everything someone else posts. Not sure she'll be agreeing with this one, though. Maybe she'll even have a rant about it

No, no, I wouldn't know where to start. Mods, maybe we should start a Patrick Moore thread so we can post any relevant news about Mr Moore there?

Oy-Gevalt! Are you sure this self-circumcision kit is painless?

I was under the distinct impression, iain, that you made some sort of iron-clad promise to leave, 'pon the survival of Michael Foot. Michael Foot lives on. And yet...

Tonight's episode of The Sky At Night, "Return To The Red Planet" was about the European Space Agency's planned ExoMars mission to mars. As has become customary, all of the outside-broadcast parts of the show were presented by Chris Lintott, but Sir Patrick was compelling, as ever, in his study, grilling the witnesses. He came out with this classic remark; "Well, picture an astronomer being pulled across the lunar surface... I don't know!" Healthwise, he seems to be going from strength to strength and I think I know why. There's a particularly amateurish oil-painting here that's far too big to post, but I reckon he's been keeping it in his loft, Dorian Gray-styley. It's as if... he's... getting younger If your obsession with the telescope-toting titan of television is unsatiated, you can buy the "authorised" Patrick Moore DVD, in which he discusses everything from Politics to Pluto. According to the webpage it is "often hugely funny". I don't doubt it; the man is a notorious card. Patrick Moore is (allegedly) a party animal. Pills, powder, uppers, downers, all-arounders, swigging brandy, hitting the pipe, he's relentless; He's the kind of chap you'd like to party all night with, then engage in a jolly good stoned chinwag over a fry-up the next morning. Here's a picture of what your view might be whilst waiting for the fried bread to crisp up...

Has Bruno been giving you lessons? Seriously, what is that? Did you write it before breakfest?

Yes, yes, quite... his Roger Moore impression is a shadow of its former self, isn't it?

Do what he said. And then tell your friends to do the same. If you're stuck for something to do whilst wating for death, might I suggest you try one of these?