Star Crossed

Forgery of his wife's handwriting? Preposterous! Next they'll be telling us that he imprisoned and tortured future leaders of his country... I couldn't find anything more relevant to his state of health than this, but it can't be good for his ticker, can it? "Ay caramba! Someone I tortured, and whose father I tortured to death, is now in charge of my house arrest. El Buggero!"

I'm inclined to agree, but do you have a source for this? A source for the news, or a source for the come?

Is there a DL prize for "Most Surreal Imagery In A Post"? If there is, Godot's just won it. Hats off to you, Sir...

Feel free to shoot yourself in that dumpling you call a brain whilst in your gun room, you chicken-sh*t ditto-head right wing piece of filth. Your kind are on their way out; you may as well save us the bother of putting up with you for much longer. The only more obvious extension to your micro-penis than your gun collection would be the SUV you, no doubt, put-put around town in. To quote the ACTUAL passage in the american constitution referring to the "god-given right to bear arms" as you so blind-faithedly and inaccurately put it; "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." Now, Proud Republican, unless you consider yourself to be part of a well-regulated Militia, ready to defend your country from an imminent threat to your freedom (which, by the way, is perfectly exemplified by your current republican government and the self-aggrandizing sh*twads who "run" it), I would cast doubt on the veracity of your claim that Chucky Heston is doing a worthy job in promoting the widespread sale and use of firearms to your increasingly dumbed-down population. He is, in fact, just another redneck with a chip on his shoulder, who can only feel vaguely masculine when he's holding his big, iron surrogate cock. Sorry, that sentence was probably a tad long for you. I do, however, AGREE with you that the crosshairs of death's Armalite are not even close to zeroed-in on Heston. He isn't gonna buy the farm for a few years yet, more's the pity. Shame on you DL, wait until he's good and ripe...

Interestingly enough, the term "jag" is glaswegian slang for an injection by needle, e.g. "We're off tae Mumbai next week; I've just had all me jags at the doctor's", or the ever-popular "I'm just off tae jag up this wee wrap o' scag", Perhaps Mr. Doherty's use of the marque is a subtle nod to his intravenous habit? Or maybe I give him too much credit... I reckon Prescott knows the "score", though. He's got two jags.

must... fight... urge... to say... I pity the fool.

Hi, Sorry, this applies mainly to those in the UK, although I'm sure many of the rest of you would be interested in his website. Are you familiar with a doctor named Gunther von Hagens? He's famous worldwide for performing human dissections in front of live audiences, for the purposes of demonstration and education. His models of the human circulatory system, taken from real human donors, are quite famous. Anyhoo, on Channel 4 in the UK, I think every night this week (first was this evening), he's doing a show in which he talks about various aspects of death and their physiological causes, using real specimens and dissections. Fascinating stuff. Unless you happen to be a surgeon/doctor, you'll probably learn something new about the way your body works (and, ultimately, fails) from watching his shows. The smokers among you will especially "enjoy" the motivation to quit you may feel after watching the show! Gunther von Hagens is a bit of an eccentric to say the least, but his work is fascinating. More power to your scalpel, doc! Enjoy, Star Crossed (ex-smoker, acutely aware of the damage done by long-term body abuse)

Sunset at 16.21 (UK) Sunrise at 08:23 (UK) Tonight's duration, therefore, will be around 16 hours and 2 minutes. Our guest was spot-on!

Drumchapel, Possilpark or Easterhouse? Been there before and was lucky to get out alive, even without selling drugs. I don't think they like English people there very much (especially drunken young Englishmen gloating over England beating Scotland at Euro '96) Whilst living in Dennistoun (east central Glasgow) some years ago, I once saw a man being chased down the street, in broad daylight, by another man wielding a claw hammer. I figured it was either drugs-related, or some family dispute over how to correctly put up a shelf had spilled out onto the street. As the theme tune to "Taggart" used to espouse, "it's no mean city".

I'd need a tipple before getting into a bed with the late Queen Mother. Well, she doesn't look too bad for a 101-years-old who has been dead for four years. You shouldn't be too picky, mr. Jackal! You're right. I'm being too picky. A man with standards is a man with limited options. A man without standards, is a man that will need visit his local STD clinic. Is that run by BT? (Think about it!) (STD = Subscriber Trunk Dialling) (ROFL) Oh dear, I think Josco's my father! Only HE could be capable of finding mirth in telecommunications terminology, surely? Dad, is that you?

Thanks for waking up, Rip Van Winkle, it's only been close to 4 years since Queen Mum died. If you're interested, here in the States, the Red Sox AND the White Sox both finally won World Series titles, Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II finally died, and George W. was re-elected, ensuring another 4 years of gloom and doom for the world. You can go back to sleep now. Rip van Winkle

Happy Birthday AGAIN, Anubis. 20? Congrats, it must be nice to be young again!

Star Crossed, the joke is.......there is no joke. Only a thicko - like a blonde - would keep clicking round in circles without spotting the pointless chase for what it is. Oh! NOW I get it...

Moving his eyelids, you say? Does that mean he's flirting with death?

I hope they took some photocopies of his arrest warrant; they may be needing more of them in the future... Spooky! Star Crossed, it's almost as if you are blessed with a psychic gift or something. I feel it would be simply vulgar to ask you for Wednesday's lottery numbers, so I'll settle for whether Villa will get 3 points or not on Saturday. I have 2 Villa players in my fantasy team. Ridgewell failed to play last weekend and Moore was spectacularly lacklustre; I was most disappointed. This weekend away to Spurs? Magic 8-Ball says "outlook not so good". Sorry, BHB

As a follow-up, Sharon has now completely failed to wake up from his coma: Yahoo Article Let's all just hope that they don't flick the switch until 2007. Come on Ariel, hang in there, fella, your DL needs you (next year)! I'm looking forward to a spate of Sharon/Life Support System/Coma etc jokes. Always nice to laugh at the personal misfortune and (hopefully) pain of an evil despot.

I hope they took some photocopies of his arrest warrant; they may be needing more of them in the future...

I don't get it...

Baron Healey isn't looking too chipper these days. Saw him on a Martin Bell docu-show about war reporting recently; I hardly recognised him, save for the trademark bushy eyebrows. He looked extremely gaunt and didn't sound too confident. He was born in 1917, which makes him 8 years older than Thatcher, at 88. Maybe they're both just outstaying their welcome in an attempt to outlive one another? I've long suspected some of our members as being frequent fliers around Westminster; anyone seen him recently or have any news? [Merged HCW]

I just saw her on some daytime television show, banging on about some bloody nonsense or other; relationship strife, money problems, acne, whatever... She looks fine. Good for another decade at least. Let's stop all this fantasist hoo-ha about her imminent death, she'll probably outlive most of us!

A DL table at Frimley Green 2007? GAME shot! Bound to get a mention from Tony Green. Let's. Play. Darts. You say, we play. etc. Hopefully Fordham will be there for more than the one day next year so we can get a good look at his condition. I'm sure we could tempt Hein across the North Sea for that one too, the dutch love their "arras", no?

"Congrats" Windsor... so when will you hit 2000? I can't be bothered to do the maths, I'm sure you have. Your bimillenial will be worth celebrating. On average, how often do you attract amusing ranters to the forum? (Elspeth not included, of course, she's pure class) Once every 100 or so posts?

Looks good from the synopsis; I'll check it out. On that subject, sort of... do any DLers believe the Apollo moon landing footage/photos were faked? Do any of you believe they are real?

Then wherever will we get our sugar from? Without sugar we're beeten.

Insert pun here....................... Potholing - Just Do It!