Star Crossed

Young Taufa's been busy this week. Well, relatively speaking. He issued a royal decree to have the carpet in the Royal VIP lounge of Fua’amotu International Airport hoovered, so he could welcome the arrival of a new airline service to Tonga. He said something along the lines of "welcome". I know you're all wondering what's on his headphones this week. I believe, although I am not *the authority*, that it's the talking book version of Kenneth Grahame's classic "Wind In The Willows". A cracking listen, for royalty and peasantry alike... reasonably priced, too, which is nice.

"The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth." - George Best, 2005

Star Crossed, are you & DLO one and the same? I'll never be that lucky.

We're remembered not by how we dance through the good times, but how we march through the bad. Death List Observer, you seem to be marching with grace, dignity and humility. With your destiny in the hands of your deity, your path should be a smooth one. Whatever awaits you, I wish you the best of luck and peace.

Perhaps there could be a small chapter for Boudicca's latin translations also? Living near Hadrian's Wall, I often hear tell of ghost soldiers etc around the ruins of the forts. If I ever see one, I'll know now how to comment on his wig. Or something. This post was better before I typed it. This is the kind of drivel I'd need to churn out regularly if I were ever to attempt to summit the mountain of twuntery.

I'm considering George's suicide right now. Maybe that will upset his fans? I want my very own pet ranter for Christmas, pleeease mummy, pleeease...

This is surely some of the best ranter/member interplay we've had for ages. I'm beginning to suspect that Alan is a plant, possibly a close friend in real life of Lady Die? They seem to have struck up such a remarkable rapport in such a short space of time, surely they aren't strangers. Such pedantry and bickering! I've witnessed the like only between couples who know each other intimately. [cilla black]Could this be our first DeathList wedding? Better go buy a new hat.[/cilla black]

I beg your pardon? Very model of humility, moi. Oh sorry, you mean Windsor, don't you? Please be less obtuse in future. I can think of four Aberdonians and an Arbroathian on the list, and that's probably not all. Congrats to Mr Fan on his thousandth. You are standing on the threshold to twuntdom. Traditionally a time when many posters pause for thought before taking the big plunge. Sorry for any confusion caused or offence taken. Personally, I wouldn't count my comments about windsor as offensive or obtuse (shawshank fan, by any chance?), I merely stated that he has an ego. Don't we all? Anyway, I don't want to get drawn into some semantics-based argument... Isn't that a coinkydink, all those DLers in that same small geographical area? Maybe it's something to do with the grey granite buildings everywhere, perhaps it makes people think of the inevitable? Do you ever MUNCH with your local DL fraternity?

My congrats to all the high-volume posters who have achieved significant milestones recently, on your respective post-iversaries. I'd like to think I'll never reach 600 or 900, certainly not twuntdom, but I think we all know that's unlikely. Some good posts recently, especially Hein's rant index formula; that's good work, fella! I chuckled when I saw (Ww)indsor's successfully "pimped out" version of the Reaper's avatar. Does that make it an "avatart"? Without wishing to over-inflate our Aberdeen connection's already adequate ego, he has inspired me to work on a photoshopped pic of Aleister Crowley with glasses, cigar, fluffy slippers and a Zapata moustache for my next avatart. Good Cheer To All, Star Crossed On Tour '05

What this old Joanna, she'll enjoy getting her knees-up, especially for a Cockney. Fabulous.

This thread should be called Pete D'oh!erty. That's the last I'm going to say on the matter. Enter the Mods... [Topics merged -- MH]

How many people has this flu killed in total? Fair point, HoS. Unless it mutates into the human variant and, indeed, a contagious variant at that, it's pretty much just going to mean a rise in the price of chicken wherever it hits. Fine by me, I'm a veggie. But, it has happened before and there's just no way of knowing when it will make the leap. All that said, I'm not particularly worried. I'll worry when they're wheeling barrows down my street shouting "bring out your dead".

Avian flu H5N1 confirmed in Turkey? Let's hope it doesn't spread to the stuffing and roast potatoes...

I didn't know he had a "bird". Perhaps the unfortunate lady should look around for someone younger, and in better health.. Wasn't he knobbing Barbara Windsor back in the day? Oh, sorry, that was Ronnie Kray. My mistake, guv'nor. Ronnie Knight I think. Careful...you'll have the boys round in a bit with talk like that. It's alright, I've got a fridge-load of jellied eels in, and a six-pack of wifebeater. We'll have a right old cockney knees-up round the old joanna.

The real devil is not a he That's the first time I've felt like wiping my arse on an Ayrton Senna.

I didn't know he had a "bird". Perhaps the unfortunate lady should look around for someone younger, and in better health.. Bird like porridge. Let's all state the obvious, then. Boudicca's comment was satirical.

According to this article, there is evidence that the number of the beast is actually 616 and not 666. Newly examined Scripture fragment lends credence to argument it's 616 Sorry folks, there is no devil, therefore he has no number. Even if there WAS a devil, I doubt he'd be pathetic enough to actually "have a number". It'd be kind of like vanity plates on a Ford Escort, the last refuge of the insecure and modestly-salaried. If I was the devil, I doubt I'd be that insecure. After all, being in charge of all evil must be kind of a power trip. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe the devil actually does exist. Maybe he did choose either 616 or 666 as "his number", just so Jamie Oliver could have a hard time pronouncing it; "thix hundred and thixty-thix thun-dried tomatoeth"

The funeral and 'Apo (night of mourning) will take place this week for 'Akau'ola, Governor of Vava'u. As he was a significant figure in tongan high-society, there is a chance that King Taufa’ahau Tupou IV may turn up for a swift sherry. If the King is in attendance, I'm sure there'll be a pic of him on www.matangitonga.to sometime towards the end of the week. I'm sure he won't be looking too spritely. Nothing new there, I suppose... I'm just updating you all because I want the DL 2006 Selection Panel to consider him very carefully. I've got a good (bad?) feeling about this one; it would appear statistically probable that he's going to cash in his chips (he certainly looks like he's fond of his chips) in 2006 or 2007. Incidentally, I surprised my ladyfriend last week when the King appeared in a question on "University Challenge" (game show for super-brainiac boffin "students", mostly studying classics, history, astrophysics or politics/economics). Within about 0.8 seconds of the host, Jeremy Paxman, mentioning "King Taufa'ahau Tu..." I "buzzed-in" with the answer "Tonga!". One of those rare times when you can look properly smug and give it the old "surely everyone knows that!?" Thanks, DL! RIP 'Akau'ola

Brilliant. If any complainants were not yet totally pissed off, that should do it. Sheesh!!!! Still, hope you feel better soon. Why the hell not? What else could be written in here? I now have my avatar. As you said, they don't need to read it. Plus, it's just following the history of this topic ... pointless rambling. But also it hurts and I was hoping for some sympathy. Star Crossed - tell me you car's not a Corrado?? lol, Corrado. No, I'm afraid not. I know a chap who drives one, and I know you all get very, very possessive and, indeed, obsessive about them. The chap in question (a member of the same tenpin bowling league as myself) talks about his Corrado ALL the time, even when I'm taking a shot, a habit which I consider to be cheating. To get my own back, I refer to it as his "Golf" which annoys him no end. He has recently purchased a vanity-plate containing the letters VRG (the G, obviously, buggered about with to make it look like a 6, lol), and I believe he is active in a number of internet fora/forums (it depends which country you're in, before anyone gets pedantic about the plural) relating to said car. Who are these people who spend all their time posting in forums online? I mean, really... get a life What I know, by osmosis, about Corrados, by Star Crossed:- - They'll make a "Scooby-Doo" (Subaru Impreza) look slow on the motorway. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of impressive engine modifications, usually with brightly-coloured hoses/plugs/manifolds etc. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of body kit/spoilers. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of stereo equipment. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of alarm system. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of suspension modifications. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of paintwork. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of registration plate. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of upholstery. - They can be retro-fitted with several grand's worth of pretty much anything. - They can take over your life, and you could lose your spouse as a result. - It's best to get things done to them by a VW DEALER I, like Josco, was under the impression you were talking about an IUD. Who knew you could get them in your forearm? Not me. Thanks for the new knowledge; I'll have to find a way to incorporate that into conversation with someone soon. That'll be tricky, but I'll give it a go...

I didn't know he had a "bird". Perhaps the unfortunate lady should look around for someone younger, and in better health.. Wasn't he knobbing Barbara Windsor back in the day? Oh, sorry, that was Ronnie Kray. My mistake, guv'nor.

Ouchy! Brings tears to the eyes, that description. I hope you employed a suitably-qualified mechanic for the job... I've just had my car back from the local "garage". Ii looks like someone's used it for spares on Scrapheap Challenge. I may as well have asked them to fit an IUD.

Welcome to DL, Arsebiscuits. Great avatar. Great first post, too. Way to blow your DL virginity with that peach

Amanda, I most wholeheartedly concur. Love your new avatar. I'd like 5 of the above in 12.7mm/.50cal, please, for my Accuracy International AS50. I was talking to a friend about this today. Whilst it would serve only to galvanize the (already pretty supremely galvanized) neo-con powers-that-be and would, therefore, be a pyrrhic victory, he's pissed the world off so many times that I'd be more than willing to use my W.O.C. above on GWB, then martyr myself by putting a bullet in my own head. When they found my body on the rooftop, I'd be wearing a custom-made T-Shirt with the slogan "Guilty As Charged". "One Shot, One Kill", as they say in the sniping community... (the extra 4 rounds would be for Rumsfeld, Rove, Cheney or GHWB, should they be within range)

I'd go for a calendar, and I'd love a pair of DL cufflinks. Re: the calendar; perhaps have a photo of each celeb on the given year's DL, one per week. That would make 50 weeks, then maybe a couple of memorable/popular successes from the previous year for the extra two weeks? Edit: I should have read the whole thread before posting! The bullet is a charming idea. A friend of a friend of a friend (yes, one of those stories, probably apocryphal) allegedly once sent two bullets to his nuisance neighbour with the names of said neighbour's two pet Rottweilers engraved on them. He also (allegedly) painted all the windows of the guy's flat with matte black paint in the middle of the night, and left a full petrol can with rags stuffed in the top (unlit) outside the front door. The nuisance neighbour (allegedly) moved out the same week. I wish I had the cojonas to do that sort of stuff...

You may disagree StarCrossed, but I thought this picture from a previous thread was rather stylish. Would it work as an avatar do you think? Thanks for the idea, my tricephalic canine friend. It would certainly save me opening up Photoshop and making my own It's a shame it's not more death-oriented, though. The only thing I like about my current avatar is that it's vaguely on-topic. I tried to find a decent logo for one of those Hollywood "graveyard to the stars"-type places, that would be just about perfect, but so far haven't found a decent one. As Roy Walker used to say, "Keep pressing and guessing..."