Star Crossed

HB & mhroftd to my alter-ego, Six.

I feel Jack Klugman is "about to enter the most fascinating sphere of police work; the world of forensic medicine."

I can confirm that Sir Patrick's bacon number is one to be respected. Having served him a custom-built English breakfast at the Beaumont Hotel in Hexham some years ago, I assure you all that he has an impressive sausage number, black pudding number and scrambled egg, fried bread, tea, toast and marmalade numbers that should be your envy... Crystal clear skies here tonight, really feels like autumn is underway. I love this time of year. Gaze up in wonder.

I doubt that would be long enough to cremate a human corpse. You'd be lucky to cremate a small rodent following those instructions. Which just goes to further prove the old adage, "never trust a guest poster's cooking advice". Keith would be spinning in his grave if he saw the level of culinary ineptitude displayed by guest posters these days. One of our plethora of resident statisticians can, no doubt, elucidate upon the required cooking conditions for a cadaver of Mr. Floyd's proportions. As a layman, might I suggest that a high blood alcohol level may contribute to a more efficient burn-up? Let the flames begin... Hot? Bloody right it's hot! But hot enough to cremate me? I'm not so sure...

HB & mhrotd, mc! Edit: for yesterday.

Not suited to careers in embroidery or potato farming then, H.

Try telling that to Al-Fayed. Or maybe you already did. Is that why you're a "washed-up hack"? Did Moham fire you from the Express for disagreeing with his interpretation of the newsworthiness of the dead? On the subject of Jade Goody, I couldn't care either way if people want to discuss her in this thread. It would seem that, if any thread were an appropriate forum for the discussion of her, her family etc., it should be this thread. If they start discussing her in thread 42, however, I'm going to have words with them. In Portuganese.

Fettle? I certainly hope not. I suspect old one eye doesn't move much, but I doubt they've cast him bronze just yet. Anyway, thanks for the update Star Crossed, I used to enjoy tuning in to the Sky at Night so these asides are most welcome. I'll have to seek it out on the Worldwidegooglenet. The Sky At Night official website. Episode "Jupiter Rising" (September 2009)

In September's episode, "Jupiter Rising", Sir Patrick discussed Uranus. Sorry, my mistake, Jupiter. Our perennial host invited a veritable gaggle of fawning astronobitches to his Selsey lair tonight. John Rogers and David Rothery were in the study, with the lead pipe, discussing all things Jovian; in the back garden now-regular telescopist and long-time photographic contributor to the show, Pete Lawrence, compared imaging techniques with a new face (hopefully not a new regular), the deeply irritating Paul "here's one I did with crayons" Abel. My tip for the comfy chair Dr. Chris Lintott (looking like he's been kept awake for a week researching this stuff on the internet) saved the day by giving us a roundup of the latest astronomy news. Sir Patrick was in fine fettle, treating us to a classic "remove monocle, wink to camera" quip about cloud cover. Next month it's all about the spaceborne telescopes. Word is bond.

What an excellent find. I wonder how many have inadvertently discovered it while seeking information on the late Mr Bongo. I was talking to someone about the Gabon election last week. After a little giggling fit over the likely winner's name, we were wondering who'd get the most hits on Google. I typed ali bongo into Google...The results. For those who don't like clicking on links, Gabon's newly-"elected" President comes first. Then the afore-mentioned head shop. Then the magician. For those of us with a bent for putting Zealot/Despots/Dictators/Guerilla Leaders/Freedom Fighters in our deadpools, Ali looks a decent candidate for a mysterious helicopter crash in 2010.

Many happy returns of the day to you, LG! Maybe see you in DL chat soon?

Voted Yes, because... a ) I foolishly agreed to go to Newcastle tonight for some colleague's leaving do, which makes me a complete nobber. b ) I even more foolishly agreed to be a designated driver, condemning my poor car to the potential for vomity seats. c ) I bothered to vote in this poll; something which surely only a nobber would do. d ) All of the above.

I voted 'Yes' and 'other suggestions below'. Essentially, I'm finding it difficult to think of anywhere on Earth that wouldn't be offended by forced concatenation with Portsmouth. Much like nuclear waste, the problem is less "should we get rid of Pompey?" and more "how can we get rid of Pompey?" Maybe we could move them all to Portsmouth, New Hampshire to work as servants. The place even looks roughly similar with plenty of waterfront to throw things into etc. Most of the British lot wouldn't even realise they weren't in Pompey, as long as we sent that tattooed, handbell-ringing jester John Anthony Portsmouth Football Club Westwood over first to set the tone. We could use the redundant landscape of Pompey for military exercises, or go-karting, or paintball. Or a location for the world's first professional Hide'n'Seek league. Or cover the whole of the city in wind turbines and solar panels, reducing our dependence on other sources* and leaving other areas unspoilt. * I haven't done the calculations yet, but I will.

I believe (not so much believe, as I read it in a copy of The Mirror which I was forced at gunpoint to read) Rose West was recently attacked, and her attacker "The Black Widow" (chav-noir, a new film genre?) boats that Tracey Connelly, notorious mother of the infamous "Baby P" (that's a famous female rapper here in the UK, for those who don't know), will receive a less-than-sporting welcome to Her Majesty's Thunderdome.

There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going to lower myself. Not yet, anyway. This whole issue merely highlights once again that many human attributes, physical and emotional, are not fixed but on a sliding scale, including gender. Best of luck to Caster; I often use her sugar in recipes, regardless of whether it can put up a decent shelf or rewire a plug. I'm livid with how the IAAF has mis-handled the issue. As a diehard athletics fan (more field than track) I think the time has now come for a gender-non-specific championship in which anyone can compete, provided they can prove they've been the subject of "is he or isn't she?"-type discussions by classmates/teachers/parents/internet forums/the media in the past. That way, Colin Jackson could make a comeback to compete in the 110m high-voiced hurdles. I phoned Ladbrokes to ask for the odds on JLC winning every event in my putative alternative Olympics but they declined to answer. Bunch of fence-sitters. The question is, if Caster sat on a fence, how much would it hurt, and where?

Story here for anyone interested http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/is...man/8184941.stm I hope your turrwets weren't damaged. Landlords hate that. I'd like to put employment legislation in Room 101. Specifically, the bits of it which make it virtually impossible to fire someone in the UK for being stupid, lazy and ignorant. It seems that once someone has, by dint of deeply-ingrained incompetence on the part of HR, landed a job in this country it's virtually impossible for them to lose it except by redundancy. With so many willing workers out there, jobless for reasons outside their control, why can't we just fire the lazy and hire the willing? Let's Get Britain Working

And this was it. D#mdiminished11thsquared+thumbs. One can only wonder at what he was strumming that chord with.

Surely there are plenty of journalists in every news organization who just enjoy sprucing up MT's obit; the journalistic equivalent of having a w@nk in the toilets in their lunch break. Something I've never done. Although I have imagined what I'll say when MT dies. Nice quote btw RA, made me lol.

My house was built on the site of a Cherokee orphan massacre, and nothing weird ever happens here. Ok, occasionally at , but I'm usually in a hurry to get to work anyway, so...

We've heard this before How about Sir Patrick Moore? He is at death's door Sorry, wrong thread.

It's still there NAP, it became Bar Oz in the '90s and now it's Coopers, named after the grocery store it used to be when I was a kid. I think the Coopers name is still embedded into the pavement outside on a brass plaque. As far as I know the original deco is still in place. Wasn't it across the road from Clatty Pat's? I used to eat at Chimmy's too and I recall the opening night of Bar Oz, which was opened by a former neighbours actress, not Kylie Minogue, not Natalie Imbruglia, not Holly Valance, the one with the blonde bob, pert bosom and pouty lips; I forget her name, who made a brief appearance to much wolf-whistling from the assembled Glasgow Uni freshers and west-end hipperati. (Emma Harrison Had to google it, it was bugging me.) Cleopatra's (clatty pats) is the only bar I've ever been thrown out of. It was a regular haunt of the One Devonshire Gardens staff when we couldn't be bothered to go to The Tunnel or The Arches (or, in my case, the Sub Club cos I was a trance music junkie back in the day). I got thrown out of there for sparking up a reefer. If I'd bottled someone or break-danced in a pool of my own vomit (about the only feasible lubricant on a dancefloor that sticky), they probably would have given me a free pint but no... When my gf of the time moved to london, I used to send her flowers every week from the grocers/flowers shop on the same side as Chimmy's, down towards the bridge. I forget the name of the place, but I imagine they're still doing a good trade. I loved the smell of that place. Until the bitch dumped me. Arum lillies don't come cheap when you're a student, but thankfully relationships do. Well, sort of. Sometimes. Occasionally. What's that in my hand? Two Aces? You get my drift.

From some forum I found by Googling "fish swimming vertically"... "Do you know what type of fish this is? For some species, like an Abrimites Headstander this is a natural position. Is the head up or down? If the head's up, and it does this when you're in the room near the tank, it may be looking for food. It may also be "gasping" at the surface for air if there isn't a filter or airstone in the tank, or the ammonia and/or nitrite levels in the water are high. If the head is down, this may be a problem with the swim bladder - he may have a buildup of gas from a poor diet (usually feeding too much dry food [soak pellets and flakes first] or giving too much meat protein to a fish that needs more vegetable matter in its diet)." p.s. I agree re: brown nail polish, H. Why? Like brown eye-shadow or, infact, anything brown. "Excuse me, your brown shoes look, literally, like sh*t. Although they do match your sh*t-brown dress." The only obvious exception to this rule is when Kojak wears a brown 3-piece suit from Botany 500. p.p.s. "Swim" and "bladder"; two words which cause offence simply by their juxtaposition. Anyone for a kiddy-piss shampoo? All hands to the shallow end...

The August 2009 episode focuses on Saturn, with the inevitable outgushings of boffinthusiasm for Enceladus, one of its moons. No mention of Saturn could omit a thorough discussion of its rings, including here a brief discussion of moonlets such as Pan and Daphnis, which appear to cause graivational perturbations at the edge of the A-Ring (insert Uranus joke here). They also discussed the recent solar eclipse, a damp squib of monumental proportion for anyone not in a plane. Sir Patrick, thankfully, hasn't shown any sign of deterioration in health this year. He did rue his inability to go chasing next year's eclipse, saying "sadly, my travelling days are over" but hey, we knew that already... By Jove, next month's episode will focus on Jupiter!

How fascinating, H! Oddly, I once commissioned something similar for the east wall of the study here at Hopkins Manor...