Star Crossed

Pray tell, if you don't allow anyone with obvious ailments onto your list, how exactly do you pick candidates? Randomly? You'll be telling us next that you've scored hits with Jill Dando, Steve Irwin, Colin MacRae and Princess f*****g Diana. Laughable. Welcome to the DL, Steelystan!

Either you've photoshopped the number plate, NAP, or your car sports the pornstar plate 'EZ 69'.

Are US prisoners allowed to vote? Apparently, over 1% of American adults are now in clink. A completely pun-proof story.

To be fair, though, I've seen people looking more downbeat than that after a few rainy days in a caravan with the family.

Aren't we all? Imagine how tempting it'd be to break little bits off yourself and eat them... nobody would survive infanthood with all their digits and limbs intact. It'd be even worse on council estates, where all the fat kids who eat between meals live. BS does raise some serious issues, though... would white kids be white chocolate, and black kids plain chocolate? Would Swiss and Belgian kids taste better?

Ahem... well... I wasn't expecting this... ahem... (reaches into inside pocket for notes) Hanoi Kate has so many people to thank for this award; Banshees Scream, Gerry, Metodo 3, the Portuguese Police, Richard Branson, the LAPD, Microsoft Paint and, most of all, the British tabloids for their unwavering support. Thank you. Thank you all...

Welcome, AWPerative! Westboro Baptist Church. Louis Theroux interviewed these people, Remember, God Hates Fag Enablers! I bet the RHPS isn't on their list of favourites at the local Blockbuster.

Yeah, it's true what they say about black men, but I can't see how that's of benefit to you, LB.

I feel awful about Nader running; it worries me. When I hear the guy interviewed, I find myself agreeing with the vast majority of what he says, both about the murky politics of corporate lobbyists in Washington and his views on the wider world. But, I have to admit the one basic truth that is the thorn in his campaign's side; surely no confirmed Republican voters are ever going to vote for Nader, so his entrance into the race can only benefit the Republicans by stripping potential votes from the Democrats. It reminds me of the Liberal Democrat party here in the UK; if everyone who agreed with their philosophies voted for them, they might win, but people just assume they've got no chance so they don't vote for them. Am I alone in suspecting that Nader is actually some sort of long-term right-wing double agent?

No, but it did wake me up; I was notified of the event by text message from a friend currently in New Zealand who quipped "that quake has probably improved housing conditions in your neck of the woods, eh?" Genius! I deleted it and slipped back into a dream in which Charlton Heston repeatedly mouthed the words "over my dead body" at me.

Lady Amherst's Pheasant becomes the first bird to be classified extinct in Britain since 1840* Chrysolophus amherstiae *It was never a native species anyway, and there are loads of them elsewhere. So many so, that it is of no extinction concern whatsoever. But I'd already found, cropped and uploaded the image before I realized this. Sorry. Pretty, isn't it?

It seems that Gwyneth Paltrow, Felicity Huffman and Poppy Montgomery are my celebrity soulmates. Which is nice.

Man Idiot dies in fairy-cake-eating record attempt. Which just goes to prove, you can't have your cake and ea... zzzzz

The Geto Boys' 1989 opus "Grip It - On That Other Level". I haven't got an exact bodycount for you, but the Geto Boys be poppin' a cap in a whole bunch 'o' motherfuckers on this album. The death toll must be in 3 figures, given the fully-automatic slaughter-sprees undertaken in such classic tracks as "Trigga Happy Nigga" and "Mind Of A Lunatic" (in which our anti-hero, Willie Dee, only meant to break into a woman's house to rape her, but ended up in a firefight with several police officers, resulting in multiple fatalities).

Smart to sign on as a guest....makes it more difficult for us to find you.... You can bet Allah's boots on it. I wasn't that guest poster but hey, I'll say it loud and proud; I love hearing about crashed USAF hardware. I hope as many of their warplanes crash as possible. It may reduce the appalling number of civilian casualties (sorry, "collateral damage") inflicted by them and their "smart bombs". Both pilots of this B-2 crash survived ejection, so all that was really lost was a $1.2bn evil instrument of death-delivery. I'd like to see it posted on youtube. Don't kid yourselves, despite overwhelming supporting propaganda, that the USAF are helping to deliver long-term peace and secure the "freedom" the world craves. All the USA is doing with its warplanes these days is clumsily scattering the fertile seeds of a multi-generational war that benefits nobody except shareholders in the companies that make the weapons. It pains me to see motivated, well-trained, professional service-people who could be deployed to do so much good in the world, being used as instruments of death and destruction in the name of a misguided administration with vested interests in the perpetuation of war. How do you like them apples? p.s. Back on-topic... this spy-satellite shooting-down incident; laughable, man!! For the first time, I find myself agreeing with raving crackpot, dangerously-paranoid-and-self-interested Russian dictator Vladimir "Pooty-Poot" Putin, in his assessment that this has more to do with testing missile defence and "star wars" systems than it does saving the people of the world from hydrazine toxicity. "Hydrazine Schmydrazine", as my New York counterpart might put it. Considering the number of satellites that use hydrazine, and the number that have previously come to earth pissing this stuff all over the place, and the number that will continue to do so in future, the only logical conclusion is US military self-interest. The administration is so used to lying, it can't even tell the truth when everyone else can see it as plain as day. Reminds me of the UK government. And it's all connected, see... this, the military-industrial complex, the oil industry, the grassy knoll, Project Paperclip, Majestic 12, Ingo Swann, Area 51, Black Helicopters, Whitewater, Bluewater, Creedence Clearwater, Watergate, Lightwater Valley, the Moon hoax, the Masons, the Illuminati, Billy-Ray Cyrus, Walmart, the NTSB, Phillip Morris and the KKK, Skull & Bones, and don't get me started on the blah blah blah rant rant rant...

No prizes for guessing the name of the surviving guinea pig, then.

Such a meeting would be more memorable for you than him, one imagines.

Gazza has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act. He's been sent to a secure psychiatric rehabilitation clinic where his condition will be assessed and a treatment plan devised. Kevin Keegan said "I think it's a very positive thing in the life of Paul Gascoigne."

Yes, I was thinking about it earlier this evening.

I once had a deabte with myself; it ended in grisadeement.

Brilliant! This is my new second-favourite thread, and it's only 15 minutes old. Oliver Robbins p.s. burial ground.

Before I clicked on your link, tmib, I thought you meant sectioned...

Try as I might, I can't work out what that picture is supposed to show. Should I pop into Specsavers on my way to the milliner's this afternoon?

Welcome to the DL, Vaagheid! If you could possibly make your sig a little shorter it would ease the strain on my mouse-roller finger. Thanks! p.s. Stephen Hawking. Hawking. No 's'. Thanks. p.p.s. 'corpses of' (belonging to) would be better than 'corpses off' (removed from). Thanks. p.p.p.s. Kunt u mij de weg vijzen naar de dichstbijzijnder koffieshop, alstublieft? p.p.p.p.s. Glad to see you don't have Sir Patrick Moore on your list.

Wow... you really take this deathpool thing seriously don't you, DDT?