Star Crossed

I believe it was the Victor Lewis-Smith who once cruelly commented that Beadle owning thousands of books, was like Stephen Hawking having a massive collection of Nike trainers. [satire]Stephen Hawking has a collection of Nike trainers? I doubt it; he's wheelchair-bound.[/satire] That'd be like James Nesbitt collecting "smug twat" disguises. Or victims of extraordinary rendition claiming Air Miles. etc. Apparently, Jeremy Beadle stipulated in his will that his body be recycled into compost and spread on his garden. ITV bosses have confirmed that he'll be back in the autumn with a new show; "Beadle's A Sprout".

Surely that's part of the script from "Weekend At Bernie's"? MdJ probably snuffed it a while back; her daughter hired an itinerant taxidermist and Bob's your uncle. Or Bernie. Or Maria. Yes, she still moves around the house, attached to her Zimmer... because it's nailed to her. They've put casters on her feet and they've tied the whole contraption to a Dachshund, who does a few laps of the bungalow occasionally.

Yeah, about time too! I'd go for oven chips any day over take-away fries. Apparently, they only contain around 5% fat, which is good news for all you New Year slimmers out there, too.

En l'èsprit d'egalité, DttG, I used to have some "holy" underwear too. Zut Alors! Comme ça, oui! Avant, I met Mrs SC and, after several months of cajoling and humiliation (I'm a lucky man, I know), I was "forced" to "admit" the "inadequacy" of my previously-bachelor-beautiful underwear drawer (ok, so wtf exactly is WRONG with lace-up boxer shorts?) and, to this day, have Gordon Hinckley to thank for whatever miniscule triangle of manhood I still possess. etc. Yours, Outraged of Serbiton, no-longer-posing-quite-so-foppishly-in-the-mirror-but-nonetheless-confident-in-his masculinity-despite-the-efforts-of-those-who-would-seek-to-denigrate-his-manhoodly-undergarmenture, SC

Unlike you and the majority of registered pillocks on this site, I do not believe I am my said screen name which I dare say you will have put many hours of thought into, what with having no life, girlfriend etc - hence the obsession with death. Go get some fresh air you pasty faced limp wristed geek ha ha! A devastating put-down that suggests the spirit of Beadle will never die. Save your breath dude - you will need it to blow up your date - You are a precociously repulsive fiend and a repugnant, orgasm faking practitioner of bestiality - in my correct and humble opinion..... It intrigues me that whenever random pond-life interject their thoughts on this site their derogatory remarks always gravitate towards a lack of love-action which must be afflicting their antagonists. It is always possible that they are quite wrong, and that their fixation with such interactivity merely reflects their own lack of success in this department. Spaeak fopr yourself, hjt... If I had 20p for every time i've come too quickly in ansheep... (sh*t, i''l regret this in the morniong)

I wouldn't bank on it, mpfc... with all that lucre at his disposal, he'll probably pull a Sharon on you.

Yeah, bad weed never does anyone any good. Thankfully, I've got some good weed stashed away for when Maggie croaks, Dia de los Muertos

Yeah, I hate jazz. So does my mate Johnny.

Heath who? Fvck off. He's not worthy of eating Deborah Kerr's sh*t, regardless of the inherent logistical problems relating to necro-copro-ingestophilia.

I wanna wish a Wicked Birthday, yeah, (SC: down wiv da yoof) to regular DL contributors 16_f_herts(19) and emmaburridge18(19), or whatever. Birthday party photos to the usual inbox, please ladies...

"Why Won't Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up And Die?" As the previous link to this masterpiece of physicist-rap-metal is now defunct, and we have a shiny new attachments function on the board (i really, really hope this doesn't kick off a wave of such postings), here it is. MC_Hawking_Why_Won__t_Jesse_Helms_Just_Hurry_Up_And_Die.mp3

Ariel Sharon was the President of Liberia too? Busy boy...

Thanks for the confirmation.

why does the thread need to be closed? He's still alive Yes, the thread doesn't need to be closed, nor can it be, as the subject's a candidate. What we need is a big tarpaulin and some sort of basic scaffolding erected around the whole thread, like the ones the police use to hamper rubber-necking at the scenes of gory traffic accidents. Perhaps the Mods could take turns standing at the thread entrance, occasionally shouting "Move on now please, there's nothing to see here..." etc.

Why not invite them to come and post on this thread? It's been a while since we saw any decent drive-by action. I imagine that those keen enough to join a memorial facebook group are the sort who may be, erm... passionate about the subject.

mpfc, I presume, given the thread title, that you've read "Moondust" by Andrew Smith? If not, (and, anyone else interested in the Apollo missions) I highly recommend buying it, borrowing it (as I did) or taking it out of the local library. It's no exaggeration to say that it left me wondering, sitting outside in the middle of the night last summer, staring up at the moon through binoculars, just mind-blown, pondering life's Big Questions. This book really got me thinking... In particular, I recommend the chapter on Edgar Mitchell; arguably the coolest, sanest, funniest man ever to get a chance to walk on the moon, whose lunar mission profoundly changed his views on life, the universe and everything. Please, if you're at all interested, find this book and read it. Even if you think you already know every salient thing about the lunar missions, this book will give you more insight. And that's a Star Crossed guarantee you can take to the bank! Edit: It's either déja-vu, or I really have eulogized about this book elsewhere on this forum. In either case, I stand by my post(s).

A death of genuine cultural significance like Marie's should grab the obit headlines and make people think, shouldn't it? Instead, it's instantly eclipsed by some ODing hollywood johnny-come-lately with (possibly) a needle in his arm and (probably) an eroded septum. Makes me and quite too.

"Tell me where I buried the money, or I'll shoot me in the balls..." Suharto 2nd President of Indonesia & Renowned Cretin June 8th 1921 - January 27th 2008

If he took over the helm from Noel Edmonds, it couldn't make me hate Deal Or No Deal any more than I already do.

Thanks for your post, wukong! Perhaps if we had to have a proportion of our candidates who were "list virgins", that might be an idea (I don't even know the actual rules of DL; that's my least-read thread), but not all of them. We need perennial favourites like C. Dunn, K. Richards, Maggie Thatch et al to be able to be listed, just for the sake of sanity/schadenfreude, do we not?

Funny, I was thinking the same thing... You're reminiscent of a smack addict with a £30 wrap and and a new roll of tin-foil... you can't stop until it's gone, even if it takes all night. Buck up, CP. Try just posting when you've actually got something to say, not because you're working to a quota. Bobby Fischer was ... King of the Castling. etc. ... you took a break from raping children to come back and post on DL, so that you can act like a big man in front of your wife to prove that you're not impotent to her womanly passions anymore, and that you can still pick a good fight on the ol' internet, and that maybe now she can stop giving handjobs to hobos just for some sexual excitement. We all appreciate it here, and I know little Timmy's sore anus certainly does as well. Owww!!! Hush now and bite that pillow, you wretched urchin!

Funny, I was thinking the same thing... Despite your longevity here at DL, you're still acting like that annoying ratbag who seems to turn up at every party; the one who is compelled to explain people's jokes and generally chip his $0.02-worth into every conversation he can overhear. Every time you post, it's in a little flurry of maybe 5 or 6 posts in rapid succession; mainly just obsequious, needless little ditto-posts like the one above. You're reminiscent of a smack addict with a £30 wrap and and a new roll of tin-foil... you can't stop until it's gone, even if it takes all night. Buck up, CP. Try just posting when you've actually got something to say, not because you're working to a quota. Bobby Fischer was a chess player. I never thought he'd die so soon. He certainly wasn't on my DDP. RIP Bobby. I hope wherever you are, you're still the King of the Castling. etc.

"ICI'm dead" That's quite a conundrum you find yourself in, Cap'n!

Is it because "Sisters... are doing it for themselves / Standing on their own two feet / And ringing... etc."?

Probably not your death, Sir Patrick, given the twinkle in your eye this episode. A tad slurred in the speech department, some may argue but, hopefully, that's just the mince pies and amontillado taking their seasonal toll.