Dr. Zorders

Very Funny Doc, however, "1997 was 17 years ago now" One straight from when the lottery was launched back in 1994 I guess? LOL Ooh you got me back there! You were waiting for an excuse to say that back to me weren't you? Have to go all the way back to page 77 for that one.. haha..... And yeah that one reeks a little of oldness but come on so do half the rest of the jokes in this thread!. I won't tell you where I got the joke from but it came from the same source where I first heard that crocodile one that TMIB told so I thought I'd mine that source a little more.

Apparently the bankers really do want us all to bend over. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2588113/Short-money-Sainsburys-build-cash-machine-built-just-15-INCHES-ground-hill.html

Tarbuck off the hook. http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/main-topics/general-news/jimmy-tarbuck-released-by-yorkshire-police-after-sex-abuse-probe-1-6518811

Haha, you little genius. Er, or you big genius if you're a tall guy, I don't know.

Has it really been confirmed that it's the wreckage?

And according to Wikipedia it's a "Body found on this date" job... Nice.

Not that well known let's be honest. Definitely one of those "seen the face many times but can't remember his fuckin' name for the life of me"-type actors. Always playing either a doctor, a shrink, possibly a scientist, a non-uniform cop, or maybe one of the President's advisors in a disaster movie, etc....... Oh wait, just realised he played a major character's father in Homeland so I guess he was "well known" to anyone who watches that. (Not me).

Little update on Hyde who I mentioned before Christmas, when they only had 3 points. Now they have 10 and were relegated from the conference earlier this month. And they've now conceded over 100 goals this season! The second and third bottom teams have 32 and 37 points.

Sad when good posters leave. Will you think about coming back when the little shits have grown up and you're old enough to start considering your own obit chances?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Oooooh fuck. I love that pic of him too, dunno what he's got in his hand there but he seems to be holding it as though it were a videogame controller which says everything. I just checked and tragically no-one had him on DDP.

Economic apocalypse? Over 1000 queue for one supermarket job in Shropshire... http://www.telegraph...rk-at-Aldi.html So much for the so-called "recovery"?

Seriously thought you meant Michael Schumacher for a second there! Haha..... had to check the news just in case you were somehow the first and only one to report it.

No you're right it hasn't. I have no idea when it was introduced, though, being fairly new myself.

A guy bursts into his house excitedly and says to his wife "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" "Well where are we going, somewhere warm or cold? Should I pack light clothes or something heavier?" "Just pack 'em, and fuck off!"

This isn't transhumanism or anything but still related to the topic at hand: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/number-britons-aged-90-over-3269839

There's a road near me called "St Peter's Close". Quite appropriate for the Deathlist. I wonder what the average age of resident is there...... Is there a nursing home on that street, perchance?

Did I seriously just post that? Sorry for putting the thought of Bernard Ecclescake's genitalia in your heads. That's the kind of stuff only screwed up people like myself can think about, and only very briefly, and only at hours like this one. Anyone got one of those "memory-erasing" guns from the Men In Black films? I could use it right now!

Yeah, but will it stand up in court? Hmmm, that's a hard one. A hard two and a half if witnesses are to be believed... Makes you wonder how small Bernie Ecclestone's is. "Napoleon syndrome" and all that shit.

Did you know....... Ernie Wise made the first ever official mobile phone call in the UK, in early 1985? I guess they were thinking, this is such amazing technology, let's see if we can somehow get through to Eric and get him to tell us a decent joke? http://news.bbc.co.u...ogy/4138449.stm Also: Fuck's sake, one of the images I used in the J.T. Walsh post has expired from the internet already!

Schumacher has lost 25 per cent of his body weight and now weighs only 8 stone. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2586346/Michael-Schumacher-lost-staggering-25-cent-body-weighs-just-EIGHT-STONE.html I guess the upside of that is if he ever does somehow recover and makes it back into the cockpit, he'll be about 0.4 seconds a lap quicker or something!

you just need to sit down ffs..........not be pretty, take a while, but fuck it. Nope, still not understanding how that works ffs......... LOL..... sorry Lardy, but I've been chuckling away watching you being confused and annoyed by this. I'm not sure I 100% understand it myself but I'm pretty sure it's just a choking thing. You don't need to be suspended as such. They simply choke themselves - if you dangled your head from something with a belt around your neck it'd eventually asphyxiate you, you don't need necessarily your feet to be off the ground. In fact, I think that in "proper" hangings, where people get lowered from gallows or whatever, the usual cause of death is a broken neck caused by the sudden height drop, especially with the thick rope around one's neck. So there you go. But surely there are less complicated ways of offing yourself or getting yourself off Indeed. Why go to the bother of slowly choking yourself to death when you could jump in the path of the 10.10 Westbury to Paddington and be splattered across Reading in the blink of an eye? Or neck a bottle of JD and a month's worth of Zopiclone and slowly drift off to meet the Reaper? Seems like a lot of unnecessary arsing about to me. Because you might not live near a train line, and in the second case, you might not have enough fags to buy those things from the prison off-license?

Yeah, but will it stand up in court?

Basically, yes . Theyre just praying he won't invade the rest of Ukraine.My moneys on that he will Democracy and freedom-0-1-Adolf Putin Yeah, I realise that now he probs will. It's not that he's invading Ukraine I don't give a toss about them, it's about the fact that it's an escalation. Oh well, I'll just have to do a Hendrix and hit on my commanding officer and they'll send me home for being a hom..... OH FUCK they won't even do that any more.

Excuse me but who is going to be the focus of this thread now? I hardly think the prior suggestion of Phyllis Schlafly will provide much excitement. And I know none of the zillions of clerics from a certain other religion who endorse the death penalty for gays.... (and many of those are in fact so insane that they even get offended at heterosexual couples walking down the street holding hands)..... are going to replace Phelps, because A: that's simply not "allowed" and B: No-one wants Deathlist to get, er, "in trouble" *ahem*. So, for now can I suggest the former professional wrestler, roid-head "conservative" Jim "The Ultimate Warrior" Hellwig who may not have many years left on the clock if you factor in his moderate level of insanity, and more importantly, years of massive steroid usage. Here are some hilarious short "highlights" from a speech he gave to students at the University of Connecticut in early 2005, after being invited by the college's society of Republican students. They later apologised for inviting him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3H1zao5_ho I haven't watched this video in ages so I can't remember how much of the 7 minutes consists of him ranting about "queers" but you'll probably start laughing long before he gets to that topic anyway. And if anyone wants to name any big-time bigots from the USA or wherever else who I have somehow forgotten, please go ahead.

Actually that sounds like their kind of place.