Brinsworth House Baiter

I can't believe I wrote that! He was that bad. Anyway, he's gone now- all hail Martin O' Neil (one L, two L's? Who cares?) And so is Doug Ellis! Gone! Not dead and thereby giving me any points in Weatherman's/ or is Gunjaman's pool, but he's gone! As of midnight last night it was official and Randy Lerner (not Robin Asquith in Confessions of a Driving Insrtuctor) is now Villa's new chairman. Who gives a sh*t I hear you collectively cry? I do, as does half of B6 Birmingham. The dark days of Ellis are gone! Yahoo! Yeehah! Now all I want is a place in the front of a queue when they pull Doug's name down off the Witton Road stand. The vain tosser, I could never believe he did that. Wahey! Bye bye Doug! I don't care if you are immortal now- have a good, long life- live to be a 1000, I don't give a crap, not now you're out of Villa Park, you stone age bastard.

And holding aloft a glass of champers- historically the tipple of 'bad men.' I think. I've seen photos of Doug Ellis drinking it anyway.

Nice one, Bou. My search so far has yielded far less amusing results, although I have found evidence of TLC's oversized digit terrorising some Korean tourists: It's good to see that one in the yellow Winnie the Pooh hat fighting back.

Ah, the mystery of the ages: what attracts (some, many, most?) women to obviously bad men? regards, Hein Who cares? I'm just off out to buy a myself a black hat. Don't forget to buy a pack of cigarettes to go with that hat. And to really fulfill the 'bad man' stereotype, might I suggest not shaving for a week. Or washing. Although I would also suggest that taking up a skag habit and being summonsed to court on a weekly basis might be taking it to extremes, even for the purpose of our entertainment. Although a way around this might be to have dozens of blood tests over the course of a few days, to give your arms that track marked 'bad man' effect without all the accompanying short lived highs, sickness and shitting yourself. In fact NAP, get a white hat and wait for that nice girl to come along. The one in the white dress with flowers in her hair, skipping gaily through the meadow whilst reading poetry. But be quick, before those bastards over there in black leather and hats drag her off into the trees and gangbang her. She probably won't want a nice guy like you after that, anymore than you would probably want her.

Ah, I love the way this thread is shaping. From an innocent 2 year old request from Worthing Paul to a full blown discussion as to which famous person TLC resembles. Excellent! A bald Brian Cant is the best so far, although I am a little concerned about TLC's fixation about wishing to look like the Red Dwarf cast. Has he also considered impersonating A. Rimmer? Gnarf, gnarf! I am now going to spend the rest of the day gazing at TLC's pic and scouring the Interweb thingy for possible lookalikes. Ha! That's how I react to having my manuscript landing on the doormat; unread, unloved and unwanted. Again. Never let it be said that I don't know how to make the maximum use of my time...

I am no expert in matters biblical, BHB, but I think you may be a little disappointed in Jesus's response. Unless of course you plan to open a sandwich shop in heaven . I have also just been advised never to visit Blackpool in September. Apparently it would all be too much for me. (I must get out more, I think I am starting to suffer from 'thread agoraphobia'). Is it too much to seek a little variation from his act? Strikes me that this Jesus fella is a bit of a one trick pony. Mind you, I'm thinking about what you said about opening a sandwich shop in Heaven. Definite potential, I reckon. I'm going to spend the rest of the day thinking of possible names for the shop. All I've got so far is 'Divine Buns', which is a bit rubbish. How about 'Jesus Crust'? No, maybe not, give me a little longer.

Dave to the Grave wrote: That's easy. I have stipulated in my last will and testament that I be buried with as much Hovis as they can squeeze into my chipboard coffin and then my first stop is a Jesus gig. I'll work myself to the front and when he dives into the crowd (congregation surfing I believe it's called) I'm going to dump my bread at his feet and say 'there you go, boss, change that fuc*ing lot into wine.' As a committed alcoholic I believe that it is important to plan for the afterlife that approaches more swiftly with each emptied can...

Some sexy ones about at the moment. Bou looking mighty fine as Jon Voight's baby (she doesn't seem to affect me the same if I call her that, which saves Mrs BHB getting jealous). And Star Crossed's delectable blonde. I have no idea who she is, but I would. My god I would, if she asked me nicely and promised to fetch me the papers in the morning.

Does anyone want to declare their fame? Wouldn't that be great though? If one of our erstwhile DListers posted something along the lines of: 'Well, I'm surprised you haven't twigged yet, but I'm actually Bill Oddie!' And I do think that there are some famous people amongst us. Pulphack, for example, has mentioned in the past that he has had several books published and hit records. So, who in the public eye fits that description? I haven't a F*****g clue, but I do know that Terry Venables sings a bit and has had trashy thriller books published. So, is Pulphach El Tel? Let's wait until the next international qualifiers and see if he's around as much, shall we? If we sift further into what we know, is it possible that Maryport is actually Adam Ant? Once famous, undoubtedly exceedingly intelligent, but not adverse, one imagines, to bursting into the Miner's Arms brandishing a shotgun and perturbing everyone with a facial tick. Windsor? What do we know about him? Young and high voiced. Possibly Aled Jones. Or Robbie Coltrane, lying about his age and trying to appeal to Harry Potter fans. Bruno Brimley? I'd lay odds on him being some aged and bitter out of work American actor. Like Sid Caesar! Lady Die and her anti-dead princess avatars? Is it really beyond the realms of possibility that she is the Queen herself? Or James Hewitt in drag? Magere Hein? One only has to look again at his knowledgable posts during the world cup to suspect that he is actually Ruud Gullit, tapping away at a keyboard in a smoky cafe in Amsterdam. TLC? One look at his profile pic would seem to confirm that he is the eighties legend that was Max Headroom. Godot? Without a doubt one of those kids who used to be in the Bisto Gravy ads. You see? There are famous people all around us in our midst...you just got read between the lines... "I see famous people."

Whoops, my bad, lol, but other than the bloke's actual name, I do know what I'm talking about...honest...

I know StarCrossed will be upset with me, but I really do have to agree with you on the Ben Elton front. I never found him entertaining as a comedian, but his books are very addictive. I actually finished Popcorn and went on to read Dead Famous. A brilliant story- murder, suspense, sex, comedy... excellent stuff. When I was almost finished with Dead Famous, I was given a copy of a Louis Theroux book, based on his meetings in America. I am now half way through reading that one.... .... which is why I have yet to start reading the Da Vinci Code! You are quite right there; none of that Amazon rubbish. It's almost as if you can see right into my home... Ah... Look out the window...see that strange shape behind that bush, with the descending sunlight glinting off the glass of binoculars? Well, that's the Pooka- I told him it was Tessa Wyatt's address.

TLC! So, you're a Charlton supporter! Is there no end to the tragedy in your life?

Although a punnet of strawberries, some whipped cream, and a camera might help prove her identity... I say it's worth a bash.

No matter how hard I try I just can't wrestle down what sounds so wrong with this post. Bou bothering alcoholic junkie Minipops, Bou favouring quiffy types as boyfriends or the fact that said quiffy types looked like steroid taking Pop Idol rejects. Perhaps a poll is the answer?

I read Popcorn a while ago and I thought it was very good indeed. If only Elton would stick to novels and forget trying to be 'right on funny' on stage. His books have never failed to please me. Judging from the date of your post I'm guessing you've finished the Da Vinci Code by now, so what did you think? I trust my recommendation served well? And "My copy of The Da Vinci Code has arrived now." ? I presume you mean via Amazon or such like, or were you sat at your PC in the drawing room next to the ornate log fire when the butler brought it in, slightly warmed on a silver platter? Brazo, Six, such decadence has to be admired. It's what once made this shores great and ran an empire you know. Toodle pip!

You have a valid point, Mary. Love Thy Neighbour at the time was a fair reflection on how society thought at the time, but it seems now that everyone thinks it is the politically correct thing to do to frown on its mere existence. About six months ago I bizarrely found the first two episodes on DVD down at my local Co-Op and bought them to educate my son about how times have changed. If anything I'd say that the show simply highlighted racism (much the same way as Johnny Speight did with Garnett) and took the piss out of it as against glorifying it or promoting it. Jack Smethurt's character is awkward to look at and identify with now, but many of our dads and grandads were exactly like that- whether they admit it now or not. Some are still like that, but that's another issue. Yeah, Mary, this revision of the past is a strange monster indeed. I note with shaking head that they're painting out cigarettes in Hanna-Barbera cartoons like The Jetsons, Flintstones and Tom and Jerry now- you seen that story?

I love the stuff he did with Nancy Sinatra, mainly because I've really gotten into her lately- not literally obviously, although judging by the Playboy pics from a few years ago, I wouldn't mind. The baby loves her stuff and is guaranteed to stop wailing once her dulcet tones emanate from the speakers. Her duet with Hazlehurst, Jackson is class (much better than Cash's version in my opinion), as is Didj'a Ever. Sinatra that is, not the baby. Am I compromising my sexuality by announcing my liking for Nancy? Wasn't she like the sixties Kylie or something, but without the cancer? I dunno, but to make some some sort of point, I would deffo recommend Hazlehurst's stuff with Sinatra.

I know, but then I also know Dave....and he's a very naughty boy. You mean...Dave's the Messiah?

And there's that other one that you can catch from martial art types in the Orient and you say 'what kung flu that?' Maryport? TLC? Can I borrow one of your coats, I'm leaving...

Welcome to the forum, Dave. Pray tell, who is that rather fetching chap in your avatar wearing what looks to be a red velvet smoking gown? I've got my money on him being some camp magician from the States or maybe a cabaret singer at Butlins. Or possibly Niles from Fraser when he was younger with longer hair. If it's actually a pic of you, please don't be offended as this was not my attention. At least I haven't questioned your gender.

ie+ wrote: No offence intended ie+. Besides, I think I might like you better now that you're a woman (not that I didn't like you before, you understand), bearded or not. Now, whilst we're on the subject like, is Banshees a bloke or a woman? I think I've asked before, but I can't remember. Or was that Maryport when I was confused about him? Confused? Never been confused! It's the Banshee reference that confuses me you see, as banshees are female ghosts aren't they? Honestly, it's worse than a Blackpool bar on drag night in here....

latellely? This'll be the work of the rouge editer as well, will it? He/she's certainly got in for you haven't they? They've doctored nearly every one of your seventeen posts from the early hours of this morning so they're either dedicated to the point of persecution or clocking up the overtime in readiness for Christmas. I will confirm that the mispelling of that word was done by me. Hang on...rouge editer? They're after me now as well! Or did I really spell it like that this morning? This is what happens to you, you see, they mess with your mind and before you know it you're twunted or permanently residing in the Dicky O thread or worse. I'm going back to my pipe.

Pooka, do you have inside knowledge of the Queen's boudoir preferences? Without wishing to be accused of treason, Prince Phillip is Greek isn't he, so maybe she does like a bit of bottom fun? I would have said that her late sister certainly did, because she had dirty looking eyes (it's all in the eyes, my son). Just because a person is a reigning monarch I don't think we can be prejudicial to the extent of claiming that they are or are not a receiver of swollen goods. Whatever next, a protracted debate concerning spits and swallows? I do not think we, as mere peasant mortals, are in any position to ponder as to what her Maj gets up to in her four poster, but for what it's worth I think she goes like a barn door in a gale and has more tricks than Jenna Jameson... No wonder that Phillip's always grinning like a Cheshire Cat with screwed up eyes.

Banshees Scream wrote: latellely? This'll be the work of the rouge editer as well, will it? He/she's certainly got in for you haven't they? They've doctored nearly every one of your seventeen posts from the early hours of this morning so they're either dedicated to the point of persecution or clocking up the overtime in readiness for Christmas.

ie+ is a female? This can't be right, surely? For some reason I've always been of the opinion that ie+ is an, erm, well built chap who likes a beer and a game of arrows. It never ceases to amaze me how one's perception of a fellow DLister can be determined by what you read of their posts and their avatar and then bam, one day you read something that completely blows that perception out of the water. For example ie+, whom I always understood to be pretty much like his, I mean her, avatar. Who knows, for all I know she might look very similar to her avatar, even down to the beard. I would sincerely hope not, but who can tell anything in this faceless game of anonymity that is Death List?