Brinsworth House Baiter

I'm not a Pratchett fan, Six, as I read one of his books once and didn't really do anything for me and haven't bothered with him since- although it must be me as I heard him interviewed on Radio 4 once and he was saying that he's sold more books than the Beatles have records. I must give his stuff another go sometime.

I read Good Omens a couple of years ago and recently re-read it. It's a good book, so I'll try and get ahold of American Gods. Is it in any way similar to Good Omens or was the wit and humour all Pratchett's work?? I've tried to read 'Man and Boy' a couple of times, but couldn't get into it at all I read Man and Boy once. Insipid is an adjective I'd use to describe it. The kind of book that's okay for a plane trip, but you're secretly hoping the person in the next seat starts talking to you.

Although presumably, given your mature new signature, if he's a murderer, sex attacker or child abuser you'll be quite prepared to forget about it and declare yourself an even lower form of life? No. I'm not Lithuanian. I didn't suggest you were, Marjorie and I guessed you weren't from the basic grasp of the English language that you have mastered. I've never been to Lithuania, but I'm guessing their people are generally nice folk and a step up in the food chain from people who take great joy in boasting to the world that they are lower than rapists and sex abusers. You misunderstand the context in which that statement was used. It emerged from your new friend in the Elizabeth Taylor thread and the adapted form from a moderator. As for your ' light-hearted fun' you certainly have become one to pick and choose. ??? No, don't explain yourself, I've lost interest.

I reckon that package, wrapped in plain brown paper, finally arrived and Tempus is, ahem, otherwise engaged. On a serious note, I do hope he is on holiday or otherwise enjoying himself and that he returns to the fold soon, tanned and refreshed. How long do we leave it before we send out search parties and stick 'have you seen this Death Lister' posters on lamp posts?

Although presumably, given your mature new signature, if he's a murderer, sex attacker or child abuser you'll be quite prepared to forget about it and declare yourself an even lower form of life? No. I'm not Lithuanian. I didn't suggest you were, Marjorie and I guessed you weren't from the basic grasp of the English language that you have mastered. I've never been to Lithuania, but I'm guessing their people are generally nice folk and a step up in the food chain from people who take great joy in boasting to the world that they are lower than rapists and sex abusers.

I think this is a good idea, but wish to make it categorically clear that I will not be suggesting anyone, just in case any terrorist types read it, get confusedly upset and start wondering where I live... That might sound a tad paranoid, but I didn't get to the grand old age of 37 by taking unecessary risks...

Marjorie wrote: Although presumably, given your mature new signature, if he's a murderer, sex attacker or child abuser you'll be quite prepared to forget about it and declare yourself an even lower form of life?

Happy Birthday to ff and TLC! TLC, I trust that you have sufficient supplies of alcohol and, ahem, 'special' cigarettes to last your day of celebration?

I've got a friend! Yes, I did see that England legends match...hilarious...Boris Johnson's stumbling rugby tackle was the funniest thing I have ever seen and that includes Carry On Up The Khyber. Scot, I'll only chat to you again if you apologise to me for a fourth time...

It doesn't work for cats - they only live about 15 years! The woman in that link looks like she's dead already. My god, she does, doesn't she? I couldn't resist the click to enlarge photo option and noticed that if you live to 128 your right ear apparently evolves into extra fingers. Which must be handy.

That link is very interesting, Iain. As a boy I was a big fan of the TV series (I had not one, but 2 Steve Austin dolls), but I didn't know anything about the crash footage played at the beginning of each episode. After losing the sight in one eye after his hosptilization, it's not surprising Peterson complained about having to watch weekly reruns of his own personal disaster, although I suppose at least he only had to endure half the trauma of the replays. I was reading about the guy who played Austin (Lee Majors) in the Mail magazine at the weekend and he's had an interesting life. Hanging with Elvis and boning Farrah being the obvious high points. He's kicked his alcohol problem and looked as fit as a butcher's dog in the accompanying picture (the blonde wife half his age looked even fitter). At the age of 67 I don't predict the bionic man is going the same way as his real life counterpart any time soon. And that thought will keep me happy for the rest of the day. I wish I still had those dolls.

Mine has always been on my profile and no, I'm not the big hairy one on the left! Having said that, the pic was taken a couple ....ahem... of years ago! I think it was a site Noel Rock was involved in that had photographs of all the admins and mods, perhaps the DL could go down that road too? Is that Mick Fleetwood you're standing next to in that pic? It reminds me of The Brits that time, when he presented it with Sam Fox.

Only one wheely bin? We got three in Suffolk, a brown one, a grey one and a nice green one. Technically, it was actually three and a half as there was a little white one to put in the kitchen to collect composty stuff, but then it didn't have wheels so wasn't really wheelie at all. Perhaps you ought to consider moving to another county to get better value for money. OK, I lied: two F*****g wheelie bins - one with a blue top for certain stuff and one with a black top for other stuff. Only Mrs Godot seems to understand them. It means that these days we have tin cans drying on the radiators. Delightful. I know what you mean. We've got one of those recycling bins as well and it drives me nuts. As the bins are outside we now have a system just outside of the kitchen in the hallway, whereby all recyclable (?) stuff festers in a plastic box before someone gets round to dragging it outside. This is a feat in itself and usually involves the kids dropping empty dog food tins and a week's worth of newspapers all over the front porch and me pissing myself laughing from the sofa. What really gets me about this recycling business is that a week's worth of empty Carling cans soon mount up and I have to run a gauntlet of the neighbours watching me staggering with an armful of empties (you're not allowed to put them in anything) and no doubt deriding me as a hopeless alcoholic. Especially her at number at twenty-seven. She's like that old Mrs Cravatte from Hancock's Half Hour. Bitch. I'm referring to her at number twenty-seven and not Patricia Haye's character. I keep telling Mrs BHB that the binmen/recycling men don't check every bin, but she won't have it and waves every beer can I've tried to conceal at the bottom of the pedal bin like she did several magazines that time she discovered my stash of American porn. F*****g recycling...I'm sure it's replacing adultery, physical violence and holding partner's heads under the covers after a Madras fuelled fart as the number one reason cited for divorce. New Labour, they've got a lot to answer for...

Torquay - I was hoping they'd get relegated so Exeter City could enjoy a local derby again next season. I spent Saturday afternoon watching The Grecians capitulate to Scarborough. I've had enough, I'm supporting Chelsea from now on. And Chelsea have just lost 1-0 to Blackburn Rovers. You sir, are the football supporter's equivalent of an albatross.

Oh my God, no. That way lies the path of shattered illusions. 'Tis much better for me to tell everyone that I am devillishly handsome and they accept it, than post a pic of myself and, well, shatter that illusion. TLC...I've been looking at your pic again (I find myself drawn to it like a toddler to electric sockets) and find myself wondering what on earth that metallic looking device is behind your head. Seventeenth century agricultural machinery? Some sort of satanic acupuncture? The wire from the world's biggest dart board? Pray tell, then I can resume looking at your impressive forefinger.

The Wiki article also states that Robin's Nest is Alan Partridge's favourite comedy. Now, you can't get a much higher accolade than that... It also says that he had a major part in Cleopatra. Major? Was it? I haven't seen the film since I was a boy, so I can't recall, but was it a major part? I've looked on IMBD and he's way down the cast list. Can anyone confirm whether Dick's part was major or not?

Seeing as she's been married 20 times already, I'll bet she's okay for toasters. 20 times! I know she's 104, but that's quite a record. Makes Liz Taylor look like an amateur.

Someone once told me that the first hit was like a millions orgasms all over your body, but each subsequent fix was a let down. I was mighty tempted, let me tell you, but fortunately common sense and my phobia of needles prevailed.

i want to see if i can get in touch with him to get his signature how do you all think i should go about do that? any help gratefully received! (if you can help, please e-mail me: directyouranger@gmail.com) I would have thought asking him for it might be your best option. Unless you've got money to burn, then e-bay might be the answer to providing you with your Holy Grail. Any news on his health? Only I was wondering if you might have some inside information and were wanting to get his autograph now before it's too late?

Yeah, Grim Rita. I've actually just bought the DVD - it's a cracking drama and it shows George as a genuine nice guy - if a bit sappy. I mean, why would he have been so upset at the Matt Busby tribute match if he hadn't been a genuine guy? Actually, that's where I met the real George Best and Denis Law when I took my brother David and cousin Tommy to the match. And Brinsworth House Baiter, I do sincerely apologise again for my remarks. Actually, some of the jokes were very funny - and I do think they should name a pub in his honour - The Sporting Idol I think would be a fitting tribute - because that's what I believe he once was- although at 24 I'm too young to have seen him play. Let me know if you agree with my idea for a pub naming tribute. No, I don't agree with your idea for a pub naming tribute-mine were much better. Now apologise again.

Well, it's just got another couple of hits....

Don't include me in this newly surfaced, poison spitting brigade, guest. I've been happily cracking jokes, feeble or otherwise, about Best for years- as I'm quite sure he would have done, had our roles been reversed and he had been a nobody from the south of England and I the alcoholic footballing wonder from Belfast. The Battered Liver? The Squandered Second Chance Inn? Keep 'em comin'! Brinsworth House Baiter, I do sincerely apologise for my remarks - and yes, George probably would be cracking the same jokes as you if we were sporting legends. But I did think some of the jokes were not very appropriate. An apology! A sincere one! Oh, I've come over all warm and tingly! Some of the jokes not appropriate? Yet, you quote Lady Di saying it would be more appropriate to name a pub after him and then me suggesting some joke names. Therefore, I would have thought that my wisecracks were highly topical and appropriate. Go on, apologise to me again, my bitch.

That is the stuff of genius! Reminds me of the state of apoplexy one of my middle aged uncles regularly whips himself into at any family get together that has the misfortune of having a dancefloor.

I just hope that, at the film's conclusion, he goes out in a baize of glory...

Oh, he's probably in a crack den somewhere doing a photo shoot injecting small children with smack for The News Of The World, in time for tonight's deadline.