Brinsworth House Baiter

The Pooka wrote:

Well, it was when I was at Exeter College, so mid-eighties. Doing a little research on Brambell, eh? No lesser personage than Alec Guinness was done for the same thing in Liverpool once, but he got away with it at the time because he gave the police the name of the stage character he was using at the time and thus avoided public scandal. I discovered that little gem when idly researching something I wrote once. I'm 99% certain it was Alec Guinness anyway, but it was a couple of years ago and I've slept since. You should be able to find a clarifying link somewhere in Google, if it helps.

They exist. I do not wish to go into further details, save to say that I was at this coach station once, having a contented crap and there was an intrusion. Followed by a blood curdling scream. So no, they are not an urban myth, nor a mere porn fantasy. They exist and sick f**ks use them.

Welcome, Lady Clarissa! Ages back I did send a letter to BH, pretending to be a small boy requesting Dicky's autograph for his father's birthday, but to no avail. Interesting to hear that he's done something for the new Carry On Teacher DVD- although 'tis a shame I shall not hear it as I already have all the Carry Ons from the Deagostini collection. We also had a member, Millwall 32, who famously took a day off to try and get into BH and I don't think he's been heard from since. Best of luck in your Dicky O stalking- if you should bump into someone else in the bushes, don't panic, it'll probably be another of our fold,The Pooka, on the look out for Tessa Wyatt.

Oddly, it wasn't me. I now have a warm glow thinking that somebody thinks I'm normal. [Okay, okay, perhaps not normal as such, but more normal than Bijou]. What a lovely day Okay, I'll own up- 'twas me, hiding behind an alias for the first ever time. Although, to be fair, it was for comedic effect. I dunno why I did it. Oh, yes I do- that Bijou was annoying me and her idiocy wasn't even directed at me.

Actually, BHB, there's a bit of a link between football and opera. We all recall the Three Fatties Tenors and their singing around the 1990 World Cup, but did you know some fans in Europe (Italy, and I think maybe Ajax) have a song to the tune of the Triumphant March from Aida? Exactly! F*****g Italian poofs! TLC wrote: What? Thou hast seriously gone down in my estimation! Twelve Trees wrote: Oh, who can forget Mark Anthony Turnage? What a F*****g poof!

I missed this first time around, I'm taller, younger and much better looking than that demented beach ball on legs. Anyway, could Adam write in Cumbrian dialec', eh? A'm no' see sure, like eh. It'd be funny mind see pu' i' on the jukebox an' dee us all a favour tha' music's los' it's taste see try another flavour, like. Loved the comment about me being highly intelligent, so did Mrs MPFC, we'll discuss it once she stops weeping with laughter. Okay, but what about bursting into your local with a loaded gun and perturbing everyone with your facial tick? Mrs MPFC, shove him to the front....

Opera? F*****g opera? There's too many poofs around this place... Huh, I'm off to hang around the football thread to look all masculine and hairy. F*****g opera! Pah! What next, a F*****g thread dedicated to ballet?

Ownership of a heavily textured white dress and matching tea cosy would be a good start in the application process. And a bulletproof car might perhaps be advisable, given the popularity of popes at the moment.

Even I wouldn't defend the monarch against insults from this bunch when she dies. It would be a pointless exercise not unlike expecting former coal miners to give Mrs T a dignified send off. 'This bunch'? A typical bloody Windsor- distancing themselves above the peasant rabble. I do like your former coal miners and Mrs T analogy though.

Congrats TLC, on reaching your landmark 500th post/ essay. Is there any truth in the rumour that Cadburys are bringing out a special commemorative chocolate finger based on your famous digit?

Dammit, you're right, Mary! I shall seek therapy and forget about becoming a gay this instant. Besides, I had kinda forgotten I was married and not a Member of Parliament, so my heterosexuality was thus like a favourite coat which one is loathe to take off. Although, I feel it only proper and decent to inform you that since it was your good self who exposed me to this big, saggy-titted trauma, I have instructed my solicitors to take action. Unfortunately, once they had watched the clip they too became tragically traumatised and are currently wandering aorund their chambers, dribbling like simple children. Mary, it is a curse you have unleashed on the world- a bit like that video in The Ring. I'm still getting a cravat though, a silk one like TLC so kindly recommended.

Ah, this is indeed a sad day for me- having to stand at the DL station and wave goodbye to the very gravy addict who first invited me to join. I'm too choked to say much, except that I wish you well in whatever future projects you partake in. I have much confidence in your ability to succeed and if I see you on the streets I shall be sure to drop ten pence into your cup. Au revoir, dear chum.

Guest wrote: Erm, let me think... No.

I have to say that I'm not having a lot of success in my new career as a gay, Mary. I thought it would provide a perfect opportunity to pay off the milk bill, 'in kind', but the milkman wasn't interested. Perhaps my answering the door in a leather, studded thong and nipple clamps sent out mixed signals and smacked of desperation? I'm off to Amazon to get some Erasure CDs. And a cravat. I think I need a cravat. My crow kingdom for a cravat!

Good old snails, and I love the M3 too. What a road! Doesn't this remind you of the Great Richard O'Sullivan Civil War of a few months back? Fancy dusting down your flak jacket for one more crusade, BHB? As long as we defend like Sorensen against Watford, we'll be fine! Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori... No, Doc, I think this is a poorly organised and half hearted campaign and as such bears little similarity to the Great Richard O'Sullivan Civil War, which was a military campaign to rival the likes of Dunkirk and the Falklands. As for dusting down my flak jacket, you should know that these days I am merely but a mercenary out for my own amusement. I fight for no side except my own and am content to lurk within the undergrowth- my sniper rifle casually picking off any who stray from the path. Consider me the Death List Guerrilla. 'What passing-bells for those who die as cattle?'

Yes, Happy Birthday to one of my favourite Death Listers! May you celebrate your special occasion with customary Somerset revelry- cider, a ploughman's lunch followed by an afternoon of watching helicopters over Yeovil, more cider, a fight with some young farmers and then an evening dancing to classic Wurzel's songs. Whilst drinking cider and smoking turnips. Everybody! With a great big stick I'll knock him down, Blackbird I'll have 'ee! Tra la la la... How's your father? All right!

Jeez, Mary... Your disclaimer regarding having problems with porn was inaccurate. I have no problem with porn, but I do have a problem with saggy tits flopping around like freshly landed mackerel. Jeez...she resembles what I imagine Ulrika Jonsson would look like if she put on a bit of weight and a dodgy wig. Horrible...nipples should look to the sky or at least you...not the floor! Man, I'm traumatised by that video clip. It could well turn me gay.

Talk about actions proving someone's point.... Oh yeah, and I copied this from the locked thread: The mods have their own forum? Blimey- considering the quality of some of their posts, that forum must be as entertaining as watching snails playing chicken on the M3.

Ouch! The moral of the story would appear to be that it would be preferable to fall asleep at the wheel when wearing a seat-belt.

Ooh, a thread full of anarchy and sour grapes- democracy at its potent best! And being English I couldn't be arsed to vote.

I'm such a philistine I'd never heard of this bloke so Googled him. It's probably an old, droll observation amongst cultured types, but Rattle is a ridiculously great name for a top conductor, isn't it? Sorry, I'll get back to my lager and pork scratchings...

If you look at the TF link the norks aren't that impressive, also she was an older woman then playing to an adult audience. Far more tittilating for me would have been if she had flashed the flesh as Mary Poppins when I was kiddie. Imagine a Mary Poppins meets Emmanuelle film with Sylvia and Julie doing the business in some exotic location.....or Hyde Park for that matter. Tons of potential for dressing up. Oh yes, I see what you mean. Just clicked TF's link and they're nowhere near as impressive as I remember. This is terrible- like Windsor all over again. Barbara, I mean, as against our resident Windsor- who may or may not have a cracking set of top bollocks.

I reckon that Dame Edna will go before either of those

Ah, that'll teach me to read the following page of the thread-oops! I forgot I linked here from the 'where are the ranters' thread. Ne'er mind. Julie Andrew's tits though, eh?